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You can see nothing before you but darkness, interspersed with the lights that flicker in the distance. Your breath comes in ragged gasps, forming steamy breath before you, but you can’t hear it over the pounding of your own heart. The adrenaline rush begins to subside and you become aware of the burning in your lungs and aches in your legs.
Unable to run anymore, you stop, nearly collapsing into the side of that old abandoned barn. As you try to catch your breath, you steal a glance backward. Nothing, but you know you’re not alone. As soon as the pain begins to dull, you start moving again.
Behind you is one of the most ferocious killers in modern day cinema, and they have a thirst for blood…your blood. You may be wondering if you might make it to dawn alive or if you should just shoot yourself in the head to spare yourself the inevitable, gruesome death. Well to help you out, here are your odds of surviving if you’re ever up against these famous movie slashers.*
*Note, odds do not apply if you fit one of the slasher-movie victim stereotypes such as the stoner, douchebag bro, sexually liberated girl, older mother/father figure, or basically any minority. Historically, you’re probably dead already.
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Chucky – Child’s Play/Chucky Franchise
Primary Weapons: Knives and axes
# Confirmed Victims: 46
I’m someone who has a mistrust of dolls and ventriloquist dummies as a result of seeing these movies as a child. However, as an adult, I must recognize that Chucky is hardly a threat. Physically, he’s a killer trapped in a tiny, weak doll body. He’s depicted in some cases as being very fast but honestly, I can’t see how he could outrun a full-grown adult with his stubby little legs. Instead, Chucky accomplishes most of his kills by using the element of surprise. The moment when you think you’re safest is the moment when Chucky is most dangerous and liable to strike.
Although many would point to the fact that Chucky is basically immortal as a strong argument in his favor, I would retort that he is physically able to be defeated easily. He does not regenerate or revive, and he basically needs someone else to reassemble his body. In fact, he’s so physically inept, he’s been defeated multiple times by actual children. As long as you keep your wits about you, Chucky poses no threat. If you ever come face-to-face, you can basically just punt his little body into a trash can and light him on fire. Just keep an eye out for his charred remains springing out from the shadows with a knife.
Odds of survival: 3:1
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Pennywise the Clown – It
Primary Weapons: Fear and manipulation
# Confirmed Victims: 10
He may have a low kill-count, but that’s a function of his limited opportunities and appearances. Pennywise seems formidable given how he can shapeshift, lure children into his lair, or manipulate them into killing each other. And it’s true, being a pseudo-demonic entity does give him a leg-up on most of the others on this list.
However, just like Chucky, Pennywise is held back by the fact that he is defeated by a group of kids. In addition, he’s never shown to use these powers to hunt and kill adults, largely due to the fact that adults have an easier time discerning his true, evil nature. The potential for power, with shapeshifting abilities, invisibility, and the ability to create hallucinations make it more formidable than the killer doll, but Pennywise just hasn’t shown enough range on his powers to justify taking him seriously yet. High upside on this one, so be cautious.
Odds of survival: 5:1
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Ghostface – Scream Franchise
Primary Weapons: Knives and guns
# Confirmed Victims: 35
Now technically, this isn’t one killer but a mask/moniker adopted by multiple killers throughout the series. All of those to don the Ghostface mask have been just regular people, which might cause you underestimate the danger you’re in. But, keep in mind, that Ghostface does have one advantage over the more supernatural killers: the element of surprise.
You might feel safe when you run into your group of friends or that cute girl you’ve been making time with, but for all you know they could be the killer. Even worse, if you think you’ve found out who the killer actually is, they might not be the only one running around in that long robe. In three of the four movies in the main series, more than one person acted as the killer.
All the Ghostface killers displayed shrewd planning ability, manipulation, above-average physical strength, and ruthlessness. In almost every instance, the killer was able to lure victims to easy deaths and then set up someone else who looked like an easy fall-guy. While not immortal, the killer often does have a penchant for coming back for one last scare. Given that you’re dealing with at least one strong, fast, and smart human, you’d best stay on your toes, and don’t trust anyone.
Odds of survival: 8:1
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Jigsaw – Saw Franchise
Primary Weapons: Elaborate traps
# Confirmed Victims: 67
Now this one is an interesting dilemma. Like Ghostface, the Jigsaw “killer” was technically multiple people over the course of the series, and all three are connected by following the same modus operandi regarding their kills. But where the Ghostface killers just had the same mask, voice modulator, and can-do attitude when it comes to killing, the Jigsaw killers were tutored by the original Jigsaw. Thus, they are all molded by the same core belief for their actions–putting people who are ungrateful for their lives in traps which will cause them to either suffer for their sins or die.
Unlike Ghostface, who does most of his killing up close with sneaking, chasing, and stabbing, Jigsaw killers tradeoff on the physical prowess for a much higher level of preparation and craftiness. While you might be able to physically overpower Jigsaw, you can never be truly sure that they aren’t luring you into one of their traps. The killers’ penchant for being five steps ahead of you in their sadistic game of 4D upside-down Candyland can lead you right into their clutches when you thought you were in control. And once you’ve stepped into one of their traps, it’s almost impossible to get out.
Odds of survival: 14:1
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Leatherface – Texas Chainsaw Massacre Franchise
Primary Weapons: Chainsaw
# Confirmed Victims: 22
Now, we’re starting to get into the territory where you’re well and truly fucked if you have one of these baddies on your heels. Leatherface is one of the toughest badasses you’re going to go up against and, unlike other silent giants like Jason or Michael, he’s actually good a decent bit of pep in his step. In addition, whereas those two use analog weapons, Leatherface pulls out a revving chainsaw when he goes a-huntin’. And nothing is more chilling than hearing that roaring growing louder no matter how fast you run.
That being said, Leatherface is a bit easier to escape than some of those other notable killers due to his mental disability. He’s shown on some occasions to be merciful towards his would-be victims, much like a giant child. The fact that he is controlled by his crazy family also provides a brief window of hope for you, since you can have them call off the dog if you capture one of them. Physically he may be intimidating, but mentally Leatherface is easily tripped up.
Odds of survival: 25:1
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Freddy Krueger – Nightmare on Elm Street Franchise
Primary Weapons: Razor-fingered glove
# Confirmed Victims: 52
If you find yourself hearing the metallic clink of his blades, along with his sing-songy taunting, you know you’re in trouble. Freddy’s big advantage is his ability to fight you on his home turf. In a dream, Freddy is king, able to go toe-to-toe with even the likes of Jason. Not only does he have the manipulative factor going in his favor, but he can literally bend the world to his will in order to chase down and kill his target.
If you can fight him in the real world, you might have a fighting chance as his ability to manipulate his reality masks his weaker physical strength. However, Freddy can still be ingeniously crafty and tough as nails to fight in the real world. And, if he has his way, he won’t have to come into the real world to fight, but will just wait for sleep to eventually take you. Absent some dreamless-sleep techniques, or getting Cobb and his team to come in to act as your bodyguards, you’re just outmatched.
Odds of survival: 40:1
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Michael Myers – Halloween Franchise
Primary Weapons: Butcher knife
# Confirmed Victims: 92
A psychopathic killer from his youth, Michael, unfortunately, grew more sadistic, insane, and (worst yet) taller while being stuck in the sanitarium. Michael doesn’t run down his victims, but silently paces behind them knowing that their panic and fear will cause them to stumble and fall or run into a dead end since everyone in a horror movie is an idiot who doesn’t just run out into an open field or somewhere with multiple exits! When he does meet his quarry, Michael is unsympathetic and unrelenting. Unlike Freddy, Michael never plays with his food.
While Michael does have the child-like intelligence of Leatherface, which can be used to your advantage, Michael does not have the kind, gentle instincts that Leatherface occasionally expresses. Michael expresses all emotions through killing. If he was giving his crush an “I Heart You” promposal banner, the heart would be her actual, beating heart. The only thing holding Michael from the top spot honors is that, ultimately, he is human (albeit a scary strong and unstoppable one).
Odds of survival: 75:1
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Jason Voorhees – Friday the 13th Franchise
Primary Weapons: Machete
# Confirmed Victims: 152
The GOAT of slashers, even though he’s been deprived of the truly great slasher flick that Freddy (New Nightmare) and Michael (the original Halloween) got. Jason is the unstoppable force, the unrelenting beast that lumbers after his prey hacking away anyone who dares cross his path. Jason has faced bullets, bombs, swords, fire, being shot into space, and every other form of death and none of it stopped him; it just slowed him down.
Jason is neither demon nor man. He’s an immortal monster who knows nothing but murder. Unlike Michael, Jason doesn’t have any want or desire to murder, he just does murder. There is no point to Jason killing, it’s all he knows how to do and as long as he’s walking the Earth he is looking to kill. Whereas we can all imagine that Michael might eat, sleep, or have to drop a wicked deuce, Jason most definitely does not. All the methods that might give you an upper-hand on the other killers, outsmarting him, crippling him, or laying a trap for him will do nothing but slow him down. If you cut off both his arms and legs, Jason’s torso would continue scooting towards you, death in his eyes and soul. And I’d still say that limbless torso has a great chance to kill you if it ever catches up.
Odds of survival: 120:1
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Respond
@joshetyler
@joshetyler
Your analysis on pennywise is so off; his kill count is way higher then that. It murdered an entire nightclub in the movie. That thing is the last one on this list I would want to fight. Also fuck clowns man.
Came here to say this…over 300 settlers of the Derry Township disappeared during his first noted period of awakening. Shit’s scary.
Plus he’s been terrorizing the town for years, hasn’t he? Slightly off topic but the new IT was funnier than it was scary… anyone else on that train? Great movie overall, not as scary as the hype.
Yeah it terrorized the town for centuries. And no the new movie was not funny, what the hell is wrong with you? I about shit a brick through the whole thing.
Half the movie was dick and your mom jokes?
And the other half was about a killer clown and bunch of Red balloons. Look I’m not say it wasn’t also funny, it was; but it wasn’t also not scary.
That’s fair. I think it was due to me being more scared of movies like Strangers. That movie FUCKED me up.
hate to be the ‘the book is way better’ guy, but the movie is nowhere near as scary as the book; highly recommended. But you’re completely right about his body count; he also killed a ton of children by blowing up the ironworks during the easter egg hunt
I agree man the book is scary as shit.
The movie makes a lot more sense when you add in the context from the book that IT has the entire town under a form of psychosis that keeps the adults from stopping him. I don’t know why they couldn’t spare the extra thirty seconds of screen time to explain that but it makes the movie much more enjoyable
Okay since there’s a lot of discussion about this two things. 1. I’m going off the books, since I haven’t yet seen the new movie. 2. I’m only talking about kills that we can fully verify as to the killer. Yes, It killed the original settlers and caused other mass murders throughout history before the events of the book, but they’re not counted because it’s hearsay and we don’t know how many people died. Jason caused a shuttle to crash into a space station in Jason X, but the deaths of those people on the station aren’t counted either because I don’t know how many there were. The death totals here are ones that happen in the story that we can accurately tell were caused by him.
Also, the argument that Pennywise isn’t weak and has to attack kids, but just prefers them so they’re easier to scare doesn’t undercut the point: if you’re an adult, It doesn’t pose that much of a threat to you. Sure he could use his powers to kill you, but we haven’t seen it happen enough to give him a bump in rankings. That’s why your odds are higher, but as I said he does have the potential to be much more powerful.
If you’ve read the books then you know pennywise is an immortal Cthulhu creature; so unless you got the turtle helping you or the powers of mint-berry crunch, he will kill you. No one else on the list comes close to pennywise power. Josh just take the L, I’ve got no more meetings today and a Stephen king hard on for days. Don’t f with my nerd rage.
Let’s not forget that one of the primary powers IT uses against adults is the ability to make them disregard what’s happened so word of the killings/disappearances doesn’t travel beyond local news before being forgotten entirely. So IT can keep returning to the same town to feast on the next generation of children.
Love the passion, but body of work matters. All these other guys have the proven track records. It only has tormenting and killing kids on its resume, along with implications of mass murder. If It won’t flex its powers, doesn’t matter the reason. If Freddy Kreuger had the power of Pennywise, teenagers everywhere would be dying. It has much greater power to kill, but the others are more likely to kill you.
“implications of mass murder”? You are completely undermining It’s power. Those kills would not have happened if it hadn’t done it’s mojo on the town. You act like just because he didn’t physical kill them makes them not his doing; he used his powers to kill more people then anyone else on the list. Like I said immortal old one vs various human crap, you have to give to the old one.
Okay I’ll put it to you this way: It has the ability to wipe out everyone in the town, so why doesn’t it? Why does It focus on kids if it could kill whoever it wanted?
Because he needs to feed to keep his form on Earth. He has the power to wipe everyone out, but why would he hurt his food source? He fights the kids because he finds it easier/kind of likes killing kids. I don’t know why you think these things make him weak. All of this means that he is more dangerous because he is smart. I would put the odds of me(without outside help) of surviving an encounter with the clown as really freaking bad.
But this is the point: he’s defeated by a group of kids, when he has this sort of power? He could turn everyone in town into murders to hunt down the Losers the second he feels threatened by them but he doesn’t. Part of this is because it underestimates its victims or acts irrationally, but that undercuts how powerful it is as well. So either the story, logically, makes no sense, or It’s powers are not that strong (or it doesn’t use those powers effectively). Either way, an entity with the powers It is proclaimed to have should not be able to be figured out and defeated by some kids.
Alright I’m bored now, you win Josh. Pennywise is a pussy bitch who could defeated by your manly hands, God!!
To be fair a reasonably well armed group of outsiders could probably dispose of IT if they got the drop on him and he’s heavily dependent on home field advantage but He is more prolific than he gets credit for
Because apparently, children taste better. It chooses not to kill adults only because of his palate.
its the fear that makes them taste better (which is why he takes the form of their biggest fear at that moment), so if adults got as scared as kids do, then he’d target them too
He’s also a goddamn immortal god.
Honestly, my kill count in Call Of Duty is astounding and all I do is set the Perks to become lightweight and super agile and hen I just sprint around the maps and stab everyone with the knife. No need to use guns. I’m a closet pacifist by heart. I was the guy in the chat loading room that all the people would talk shit about and then report to Xbox Live to try and get me banned. You can find me as Wean Bean lol
“Primary Weapons: Fear and manipulation” for Pennywise…huh…so my ex has the same powers as IT
None of these characters would survive when facing our lord and savior J-Bone.
I’d survive most of these killers because I am not a hot chick.
I’m more heavily armed than all of them. Ain’t skeered.
Yea I don’t fuck with jigsaw. This reminded me I still need a viewing of Halloween this year.
“In addition, [IT]’s never shown to use these powers to hunt and kill adults, largely due to the fact that adults have an easier time discerning his true, evil nature.”
That’s not why he goes after children. He goes after children because he thinks that they taste better when they’re scared, and it’s easier to physically manifest their fears than adult’s (aka, “werewolf” vs. “afraid of dying alone”). He regularly kills adults, too, but his preferred game is children.
Also, adults are the ones who have the worst survival odds against IT because they literally are unable to believe that he exists. One of his powers is that he can manipulate people into forgetting about his crimes, which is why the small town of Derry doesn’t spend much time investigating all of the unsolved child murder cases.
/end nerd rant
These are the best articles. Keep em coming
Only creature on this list that can’t be brought down with a liberal application of hollow points (in a state with sensible gun lawsof course) is Jason. Having said that if you end up in close quarters combat with any of these you are most likely well and truly skunked