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You made it. It’s after lunch on a Friday, and the clock ticks downhill from there. You put in a grueling 40-plus hour workweek (28 hours of actual work), and now the sweet release of freedom is on the horizon. Sure, you said you were going to take this weekend off and give your body a chance to detox, but that was Monday you talking. That guy’s such a dweeb. It’s been four days, and hell, you don’t even remember what a hangover feels like at this point.
One thing has been on your mind since your iPhone alarm ruined that dream of winning the lottery and taking a shit on your boss’s desk: the bars. Maybe you start off at happy hour with the crew and then keep the ball rolling to somewhere with a dance floor. Maybe you need to change out of your monkey suit and put on some team colors because your boys are in the playoffs. Maybe you can’t wait to get to your regular hole-in-the-wall joint, where the bar stool has an imprint of your ass and the staff pour you a beer before you even get through the door. Whichever bar, lounge, or nightclub you’re planning on hitting night, I urge you to reconsider. Instead, let me tell you why a house party is so much better.
It’s cheaper. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not exactly rolling in it. If you can afford to put $100 dents in your wallet every Friday and Saturday night; good for you, I hate you, and are you hiring? For the average person, however, those bar tabs can rack up, especially when you get conned into buying rounds of Patron for girls that won’t end up going home with you. A house party costs, like, $30 max. Bring a bottle or a case of beer for the house, maybe some snacks, and you’re good to go. For the price of five shots at the bar, you can have a whole bottle at a house. That’s just good financial planning.
You have a better chance of getting laid. When was the last time you went to the bar, hit on a stranger, and took them home? I bet it wasn’t recent, and I bet you still talk about how “on point your game was.” Bars exist so men and women can attempt to hit on each other. That’s literally the only point of them. Ironically, this puts everyone on guard and makes the chances of pairing up significantly less. A girl is going to be much less excited to talk to you when she’s heard four variations of the same douchey pickup line already tonight.
From a girl’s standpoint, a guy is going to be much less likely to try and pick you up when he’s been shot down three times in the last two hours. At a house party, however, everyone’s guard is down. You’re having fun, you’re in a safe space, and people are much more inclined to get to know each other. The people there aren’t strangers just trying to get in your pants, they are people who share the same roof as you (who are just trying to get in your pants).
There are activities. Like I said, bars only exist so people can hit on each other. No one would shell out nine dollars for a Moscow Mule if there wasn’t the opportunity to get to know some attractive strangers. That would be insane. Because of this, most bars have no need for any other activities. Sure, some have giant Jenga, but all that does is give everyone an excuse to yell at someone’s drunkenness every ten minutes (and make your bar staff hate you). House parties almost always feature drinking games. Rage cage, Chandelier, Flip Cup, Baseball, King’s Cup, and of course, the old faithful of Beerpong. It’s no secret that I love drinking games. I would rather get to know people during a high-energy game than continue rehashing a boring conversation about our careers in a dimly lit bar. It’s more fun, and more fun = higher probability of getting laid. Math.
People let out their inner weirdo. Something about being inside a home instead of an unfamiliar building lowers people’s inhibitions. When you’re at a bar, you’re always attempting to keep it together, lest you embarrass yourself in public or get thrown out for knocking over a table. (I’m sorry to the staff of 4th Street Pub, but to be fair, your tables are very top-heavy, and you shouldn’t serve AMFs by the pitcher. That’s on you).
At a house party, people get weird. That couple that’s been together for seven years that are always the parents of the group? They’re going to black out and get caught banging in the bathroom. What started as a friendly game of King’s Cup in the living room will devolve into strip charades. Someone will start giving details of their sex life that can’t be unheard, and it will seem totally normal at the time. Drinks will be spilled, friendships will be made, and the guy who insisted on playing a game of Shotpong will be found asleep in the dog bed by, like, 11 p.m. It won’t be normal, but it will be entertaining.
Now that you’re all fired up at work, use that energy. Send out a last minute Facebook invite for a party at your place. Hit up your friend with a yard and convince him to throw one last cookout. Warn your neighbors. Hell, invite your neighbors. Go to a house party this weekend. .
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