Your sex life has certainly taken a dramatic turn since you left college. Gone are the days of free-wheeling fornication and multiple partners. Hopefully you got yours while you could while you were in college, or else you’re probably living a life of regret for the most part. Sex is much different now than it was just a few years ago.
College: Common practice. More than acceptable and easily forgettable.
Now: You’re a grown up now and slutting it up around town is sure to raise some eyebrows.
College: Once a cheater always a cheater, but time heals all wounds.
Now: You are scum. A home-wrecker and life-ruiner.
College: I can’t afford a kid, nor do I want one. Better pull out.
Now: If you’re married, who cares? If you’re not, wrap it up or make sure you took the pill today.
College: Try all sorts of cool shit. Doesn’t matter if it works. You saw it on Brazzers.
Now: Just don’t throw your back out.
College: A bold and often successful strategy.
Now: Never work.
One Night Stands
College: Easily accomplished.
Now: They have to work in the morning, but call them next weekend.
College: Not terribly important.
Now: Your partner at least half expects you to know what you’re doing.
College: The ’80s playlist works like a charm.
Now: Some soft jazz. Maybe mix in a little Marvin Gaye or Barry White.
College: Loosely defined and subject to interpretation.
Now: Quality over quantity.
Your Sex Drive
College: Out of control.
Now: Still strong, but damnit, you’re so tired all the time.
Number Of Sexual Partners
Now: Significantly decreased or completely non-existent.
The Dating Scene
College: Bountiful and lush.
Now: A barren wasteland where most of the good ones are already taken.
College: Put on a Pixar movie, take the vodka out of the freezer and go at it.
Now: Dinner and a movie. Mind your manners. Good conversation. Hope they don’t follow the “third date rule.”