Sex Now vs. Sex In College

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Your sex life has certainly taken a dramatic turn since you left college. Gone are the days of free-wheeling fornication and multiple partners. Hopefully you got yours while you could while you were in college, or else you’re probably living a life of regret for the most part. Sex is much different now than it was just a few years ago.

Hooking Up

College: Common practice. More than acceptable and easily forgettable.

Now: You’re a grown up now and slutting it up around town is sure to raise some eyebrows.

Cheating

College: Once a cheater always a cheater, but time heals all wounds.

Now: You are scum. A home-wrecker and life-ruiner.

Protection

College: I can’t afford a kid, nor do I want one. Better pull out.

Now: If you’re married, who cares? If you’re not, wrap it up or make sure you took the pill today.

Positions

College: Try all sorts of cool shit. Doesn’t matter if it works. You saw it on Brazzers.

Now: Just don’t throw your back out.

Booty Calls

College: A bold and often successful strategy.

Now: Never work.

One Night Stands

College: Easily accomplished.

Now: They have to work in the morning, but call them next weekend.

Stamina

College: Not terribly important.

Now: Your partner at least half expects you to know what you’re doing.

Music

College: The ’80s playlist works like a charm.

Now: Some soft jazz. Maybe mix in a little Marvin Gaye or Barry White.

Standards

College: Loosely defined and subject to interpretation.

Now: Quality over quantity.

Your Sex Drive

College: Out of control.

Now: Still strong, but damnit, you’re so tired all the time.

Number Of Sexual Partners

College: Several.

Now: Significantly decreased or completely non-existent.

The Dating Scene

College: Bountiful and lush.

Now: A barren wasteland where most of the good ones are already taken.

Seduction Technique

College: Put on a Pixar movie, take the vodka out of the freezer and go at it.

Now: Dinner and a movie. Mind your manners. Good conversation. Hope they don’t follow the “third date rule.”

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TheChampionsTour

TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .

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