Seriously Though, Stop Proposing On Valentine’s Day

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It’s coming. The not so subtle hints started appearing at the beginning of January, and it’s about time to shit or get off the pot if you want to solidify romantic plans to impress your significant other. We are less than five days away from one of the most loved and most hated holidays of the year.

Valentine’s Day. Singles Awareness Day. The Day Before All the Chocolate Goes on Sale. Whatever you want to call it, Sunday is the day.

Personally? I’m pro Valentine’s Day. But I could be biased since my birthday is a couple days before the magical day meaning that February 14th is just another celebration day in what is commonly known as Birthday Week. But even if that wasn’t the case, I can fully get behind the sappy hearts, over-priced flowers, and boxes of chocolate that turn so many people off.

That being said, there is one cardinal sin that attempts to take personalizing February 14th too far and is completely inappropriate and unforgivable. Gentlemen, please don’t propose on Valentine’s Day.

I get the draw, I really do. What better way to profess your love than on the one day a year that is totally dedicated to love?! Which is exactly the problem. It’s predictable. It’s lazy. It’s commercialized. Not to mention it’s cheesy as fuck. Sure, she’s expecting something memorable, and it’s so easy to find the right words to say when Hallmark has done the leg work for you. But do you know who else is thinking the same thing? Everyone. Last year, over half a million couples announced their engagements on Facebook in the days around Valentine’s Day.

Granted, the V-Day proposal is less popular than the Thanksgiving to Christmas stretch, but at least those days tend to have family involvement. Seeing Grandma’s face light up with pride as you get down on one knee under the Christmas tree is hardly something to scoff at. I mean, unless your romantic dinner for two turns into a family affair. But that’s kinda weird.

I have a friend who informed me that she thinks her boyfriend is planning on proposing this year on Valentine’s Day with the justification that it is her first V-Day being in an actual relationship. Yuck. I suppose I can see if Cupid’s day had some special meaning enforcing the choice of picking the most cliché holiday to propose like a first date/anniversary situation. But then again, what possessed you to start down the relationship rabbit-hole on February 14th in the first place? A first date on Valentine’s Day is ballsy, if not a little awkward and intimidating. But at least you won’t forget your anniversary! Hopefully.

So come Sunday, buy her those roses, pop that champagne, wear the suit you hate that you know she loves, and binge on that expensive 5-course meal. Or don’t put pants on all day, have sex too many times to count, eat pizza and drink beer in bed, and enjoy the fact that none of this requires showering or interaction with other people. Just don’t become the douchebag who takes the easy way out by asking her to spend forever together on the same day that five of her friend’s boyfriends are doing the same thing. You’re better than that. .

Image via Shutterstock

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Whatever Lola Wants

Outward appearance of being a hot mess with just enough Type A personality to not be a complete disappointment to my parents. Almost as good at avoiding commitment as I am at holding my liquor.

• @LauraMeinert