SAT Questions That Would’ve Prepared You For The Real World

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Section I: Reading (200-800 points)

1. Tara and Jamie have been best friends since kindergarten. They are now in their mid-twenties. Jamie got engaged to her boyfriend, Philip, five months ago and she is so excited. She, of course, asked Tara to be her Maid of Honor. Unfortunately, Tara is not seeing anyone at the moment and is incredibly jealous of Jamie. Since Jamie’s engagement, Tara has publicly cried seventeen times, ruined a bridal shower by getting drunk and announcing her (false) pregnancy, and telling the Father of the Bride that his daughter likes to do anal. Which of the following descriptions accurately describe Tara?

a. Psychotic and selfish
b. Normal and understandable
c. Rude but justifiable
d. Tense and aggressive

2. Susie is somewhat of an alcoholic. She arrives home from work at 5:25pm and proceeds to pour herself a hefty glass of Chardonnay. At 5:27pm she lights her first cigarette and sits on her porch, while talking to her mom, and finishing what’s left of of the wine. At around 6:45pm, she’ll decide to go inside for a bit to catch up on the evening news (E!) and text her best friend about Ryan Seacrest’s hobbit-like features. Susie will watch TV for about an hour, while sipping vodka tonics made on her Pinterest inspired Ikea bar cart. She’ll order Chinese food (she means sushi, Susie’s drunk) and wait for her roommate to get home from the gym. At some point between tipping the delivery boy $17 and an air kiss and passing out in her roommate’s closet after trying on her sophomore year formal dress to “see if it fits,” Susie sent drunk texts to her mom, her ex-boyfriend, and the guy who refuses to return her Match.com messages anymore. Using your deductive reasoning skills, what prescription pills does Susie likely take?

a. Xanax and Zoloft.
b. None. Just alcohol.
c. Birth control (though she frequently “forgets.”), Adderall, Lunesta.
d. Gabapentin, Valium, Prozac, and some sort of blue substance she purchased in Tijuana that is supposed to prevent aging.

Section II: Math (200-800 points)

1. Johnny and Elizabeth work together. One night after too many 1/2 off margaritas at the company happy hour, Elizabeth went back to Johnny’s house and did the dirty. Before going to work, she must take a 5 mile cab ride downtown to pick up her car, drive 6 miles to her own house, shower, change, throw up, and finish getting ready. If work starts at 8:30am and Elizabeth lives 11 miles from work, what time will Elizabeth set her morning alarm for?

a. 6:30am. This will get her to work on time and looking refreshed and ready for the day.
b. 8:20am. This gives her just enough time to call in sick, roll over, and puke in Johnny’s Ikea laundry hamper.
c. 7:45am. This will allow her to arrive 15 minutes late, un-showered, and reeking of cigarettes.
d. 8:00pm. This will be seen at 11:47am when Elizabeth and Johnny wake up from their drunken slumber, realize they have overslept, and congratulate themselves over their drunken attempt at setting an alarm. 8pm, so close, yet so, so far.

2. Sarah and Mike are 25-years-old and have been dating for one year. They attended a big state school, but due to the university’s size, they did not know each other until after graduation. Next month, they plan on attending Homecoming at their alma mater. Sarah and Mike are hosting a tailgate and have invited 15 friends each. If Sarah slept with 5 of the guy friends invited and Mike slept with 7 of the girl friends invited, what is the likelihood that the day will end in at least one person drunkenly crying?

a. 100%
b. 100%
c. 100%
d. 100%

3. Jenna is 25. She is single and has not had a serious relationship in…ever. If Jenna wants to have children by the time she is 30, she will have to be pregnant at 29. If Jenna wants to date a guy for at least 3 years before getting engaged and have a 2 year long engagement, what age does Jenna now tell people (and herself) she is?

a. 21
b. 22
c. 23
d. Her actual age, immediately followed with “I’m going to die alone.”

4. Tom makes 46k a year and is two years out of college. He graduated on time in four years. If Tom would like to make 150k by the time he is 30 — while doing as little as possible — what is Tom’s best option?

a. Take out 250k in student loans, go to a third tier law school, and pray to God that he knocks up a Senator’s daughter.
b. Develop a serious pill dependency. At least in his mind he’ll be living the dream. That might just be as close as Tom will get.
c. Move to Hollywood and partake in guy-on-guy porn. Tom’s straight, but he wants money and he wants it now. It’s okay, though, his serious girlfriend will be none the wiser since he’ll use a stage name. Tom’s not an idiot, after all.
d. Hustle. Work hard. Be an honest, respectable employee. Burn out at the age of 28, while living in a one bedroom apartment and making 61k a year. Settle for purchasing a $2 scratch-off ticket each morning while crying into his 7-Eleven coffee..

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Catie Warren

Catie struggles with adulthood and has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with PGP, Catie was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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