Revamp Your Sex Life: Tips From An Addict

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In today’s world, everything is becoming soft. Human sensitivity is at an all-time high. We’ve lost our edge as a species. Devalued are the foundational traits that laid the groundwork for our race. I’m talking about pride, masculinity, and libido being replaced by faintheartedness, free meals, and participation trophies. From the bottom up, men today have given in to contemporary customs and sat quietly while their manhood slowly flees from their grasp. Sex is meant to be mutually beneficial. It’s the most innate action we can perform as mammals – two bodies temporarily becoming one.

The real losers in this epidemic? Women. There used to be a time when guys took on their role as men and lusted for female sensuality. In turn, their counterparts were consumed by their own recognition of male lust; a passionate giving of one body to another. Fellas, we’re not giving the fairer sex what they naturally need and want. Dudes have become so soft and timid that we forgot how to love. Genuine passion and real enthusiasm are hard to find in the bedroom these days. It’s look-in-the-mirror time, boys. You gotta ask yourself, “Do I feel like a man?”

The time has arrived for us to give ourselves fully to the essential humanism that is physical love. Forget the days of “going through the motions” just to get off. It’s our biological duty to seize back the male domain, get a little weird, and prioritize the female orgasm same as our own. I’m not trying to turn anyone into a nymphomaniac, I’m just here to imprint some ideas into your mind and try to restore sexual balance in this world.

Here are my tips to revitalize your sex life and restore her faith in masculinity:

Oral

It may be obvious to some, but no healthy sexual relationship is without oral sex. I’m a huge foreplay guy, and teasing with your tongue before going in can be extremely beneficial to the experience. Like most things venereal, a slow progression is necessary for maximum effectiveness. Don’t jump straight into 69-ing; there’s no romance or build-up there. Each person gets a turn with the other’s body until the heat and horniness is too much. Just let instinct take over – have some trust in your primal evolution.

Talk Dirty

This is such a gamechanger when it comes to what kind of sex you have. There are two types of people in this world – those who engage in dirty talk during sex and those who don’t. Now I’m no psychiatrist, but throughout my career with the non-Y-chromosome’d, they all respond positively to pornographic verbiage. Are you shy or uncomfortable with such obscenity? The only way to become affluent within this paradigm is to rehearse. Practice makes perfect, my friends.

Choking

Start lightly at first, obviously with her permission. Then increase the pressure of your hold based on her demands and desires. By no means am I encouraging any grip that would legitimately hurt her or leave marks on her neck. This is meant to be more playful than sadomasochism. The art of choking is all about reading the situation, but more often than not, the result is positive.

Anal

I used to be anti-butt stuff. That was until I gave it the ol’ college try (literally, Anal 101 happened for ya boy in undergrad). Good anal is gonna require a little lube and a lot of patience; but the end-product can be magical for all parties involved.

Lick Asshole

Preferably after a thorough shower, tongue in-or-around the dirty hole is one of the most stimulating moves off-color foreplay has to offer. I don’t know what I like more, giving or receiving. Either way, it’s a turn on like nothing else. And if you enjoy it, give a finger a try, in hers… and in yours. Just saying, you won’t regret it. Or, maybe I’m weird. I don’t know.

Vibrators And Other Sex Toys

The sooner you realize that it’s not an insult to your manhood to include these in the bedroom, the better off you and your partner will be. Use vibrators and dildos on her, let her use them on herself, and use them simultaneously during intercourse. I recommend keeping them in your bedside drawer for quick and easy access when the mood is right (most women have them handy).

Tie Her Up

When you take intimacy outside of her control, it’s like triggering an additional hormone that is ultra-erotic. All of a sudden, the risqué talk is magnified, she’s squirming with horniness, and she wants you in command of her body. The addition of a blindfold can elevate the excitement brought upon by this act. Again, this should be a hot way to get both of you riled up; not something resembling domestic violence. Consent should be established beforehand along with what is and isn’t kosher. And hey, don’t shy away from being tied up yourself.

Do It Outside

There’s just something about outdoor fornication that brings out animalistic qualities in both sexes. Your mind and body revert back to their primitive states. You grip a little bit tighter and thrust a little bit harder. Anywhere near a body of water is invigorating (note: blanket on beach because fuck sand). Even more aphrodisiac is in the mountains or out in the woods. Take your Bumble hopeful camping or rent a cabin for a third or fourth date. The solitude of the forest makes this sex even more intimate.

Light-To-Moderate Bondage

This is one where you need to be pretty comfortable with your partner before diving in. Find out what she likes in terms of light bondage: slapping her ass, pulling her hair, and biting her neck and nipples. Keep the intensity reciprocal and increase vigor as she demands it. The critical aspect of physicality is respecting boundaries and not being over-aggressive. Don’t be a psycho, just be passionate and real, and everything will take care of itself.

Appropriate Sex Playlist

Especially crucial when bringing home a one-night-stand from the bar. Awkward silences due to a lack of background noise can kill the mood, so make sure you have 1 or 2 sex playlists on Spotify to help your cause with said stranger. Light instrumental tunes are always a go-to (check out Nightmares on Wax). Personally, I’m partial to some fluid jazz or soft electronic funk. If you’re really trying to get weird and kinky, I’ve got nothing but respect for Rihanna to do you right. Contrary to the theme of this article, I’m of the belief that female singers are more seductive than male vocalists – try Lana del Rey or Amy Winehouse for starters. Then again, nobody’s ever complained about some R. Kelly or Ginuwine. To each their own – neither of you are actually listening anyway.

Striptease

Sometimes we [men] find ourselves in the mood for intimacy but cannot muster the physical necessity to make sex operational. Whether it’s alcohol, fatigue, or nerves, there come times when the tools required to engage simply aren’t cooperating. I’ve found that putting emphasis on her sexiness is an ideal way to get yourself in the right state. I’ve always found it arousing to choose which lingerie or laced underwear I want her to model for me, then having her slowly strip at the foot of the bed. Ladies, this is your chance to be dirty and provocative. Get creative. Get slutty. Do your thing, Demi Moore.

Outsmart Premature Ejaculation

I wish I could sit here and tell you I’ve never fallen victim to PE. But let’s be real, sometimes it’s been a week and/or I’m not drunk enough to perform like the steed I tell my golfing buddies I am. Hell, sometimes she’s just really sexy and you can’t help but cum earlier than anticipated. That being said, if you feel that you’re about to finish before her, pull out and jerk off while allowing the bottom of your hand (knuckles) to graze her clit – works every time to get her off simultaneously. I guess it’s something about your juices being so close in proximity that women find orgasmic – be fucking careful, though. I got this one from an article in Men’s Health, so props to them for discovering this technique. From personal experience, it’s foolproof.

Be Ready For Round Two

This is a big one for me, and it’s two-fold. Saddling up for another rodeo after your initial ride can be a renowned experience. Going back for seconds insinuates more comfort with one another and increased willingness to experiment. Both of you understand the nature of the sex and can only build upon what’s already been accomplished. Sex is seldom a perfect act, therefore give yourselves as many opportunities as you can to get it right. I can’t stress enough the importance to not rush into the 2nd round. There’s nothing wrong with having a glass of water, going to the restroom, and letting your body replenish its fluids. When it’s time to get back in the saddle, you’ll know.

I know I’m leaving out some big ones, but I’m horny now and the Thursday itch can’t be left unscratched. Heading to the bar to mack on 6s. Good luck out there..

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coltpalm5

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