Usually the phrase armchair quarterback is only thought of in the context of professional sports. You hear the term and you imagine someone who’s staring down diabetes or cirrhosis giving a drunken rant in a B-Dubs about why the play calling was trash. But everyday, people with normal jobs are given pointless suggestions and complaints by assholes and idiots that have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. Below are the worst industries for armchair quarterbacking.
Yesterday my friend asked me, “what do you think it’s like being a weatherman?” I answered, “Hell. It’s gotta be hell.” Local meteorologists’ lives are a barrage of worn out jokes and advice from people that lived their lives in the same town seeing the same weather, but have no more idea on what causes it than I do on what causes my phone to be a touch screen. They’re constantly blamed for ruining anything outdoors, as if somehow it’s the guy reading the data’s fault and not the fact that weather prediction is little more than legitimized voodoo. I get a little of this just working at a golf course. At any gathering of clouds I get, “is it gonna rain?” or, “nah it’s just a passing cell, I saw the way the clouds were forming this morning.” I couldn’t imagine hearing that every day.
Friday Night Lights might have romanticized coaching, but it’s not all bombshell redhead wives and changing kid’s lives. You know there were more than a few times when Coach wanted to tell Buddy to fuck off because he wouldn’t get out of his ear with advice about the QB dilemma. Whether it’s the pay to play rec league or high school varsity, city youth sports is a gauntlet of parents and try hards with the playing time of Stephen Hawking and the opinions of Skip Bayless.
Corporate Customer Service
This is a big umbrella. I’d technically put my golf course under here back when we were corporately managed. But really these are your major corporations. Your call centers and insurance companies. If your boss is a billionaire on the Forbes list who will never know your name, much less take the advice Scott from OKC is screaming at you through the phone, this is your category.
I think this is pretty easily the worst industry for armchair quarterbacking. Doesn’t matter if it’s plumbing, auto repair, electric installation, construction, or HVAC, you’re going to be spending most of your day hearing people giving advice straight out of their ass. They’re not happy they called for your help so they’re going to make damn sure to get all that frustration out in the form of annoying suggestions. “Yeah, I think it’s the transmission.” “I’m not sure, I tried snaking the toilet a couple times, think there might be a leak behind one of the stud pipes.” “Man I could have done this in 15 minutes if I just had the tools.” If you’ve ever wondered why these guys are making $75-100 an hour in labor, this is why.
Multiple times a day I thank God that he created me as a male. There is no way in hell I could survive the world women live in, especially the female professional world. Guys, every time you throw your female coworkers a “you should smile more,” or any asinine comment on something you don’t know jack shit about, you’re armchair quarterbacking their gender. Stop it..
Image via YouTube / DELKUS