======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
The holiday shopping season is in full swing. There are endless shopping outlets for whatever those near and dear to your little heart desire.
Throughout our daily lives it is impossible to avoid the endless amount of advertisements big box stores shove down our throats in an effort to make company slogans synonymous with their brand. The only problem with those is that they completely misrepresent what that store actually stands for. There is a big difference between self-perception and what others perceive you as. The truth hurts.
Let’s have a look at some truthful slogans to take into consideration before you finish up your holiday shopping:
Urban Outfitters – “The world’s most expensive thrift shop.”
Target – “Where paychecks go to die.”
William-Sonoma – “Kitchen items you didn’t know you needed because you don’t.”
Saks Fifth Avenue – “Fuck coupons and sales, premium price or bust.”
Walmart – “A safe space for Trump supporters.”
Things Remembered – “No, ETSY hasn’t put us out of business…yet.”
Sears – “Everything must go.”
Jared – “He lacks creativity and couldn’t afford a real jeweler.”
Bath and Body Works – “Because every Aunt needs another candle.”
Spencers – “Shoplifters welcome.”
Marshalls – “Come for the discounted prices, stay for the bread line.”
Hot Topic – “Trust us; your parents will love an all-black outfit.”
Macy’s – “Yes, we host that Thanksgiving Day parade. So we’ve got that going for us.”
American Eagle – “Where 20-something-year-olds go through their first adult-life crisis.”
Lowe’s/Home Depot – “Tools, the adult equivalent of receiving clothes for Christmas.”
Abercrombie and Fitch – “We get older; our customers stay the same age.”
ETSY – “Product’s made for pennies, sold for hundreds.”
Toys “R” Us – “Home to three-dimensional products meant to be played by children called toys.”
Best Buy – “Have you considered re-mortgaging your home for a TV the size of a football field?”
Gizmo and Gadgets – “It looked a lot cooler in Sky Mall magazine.”
GameStop – “Nothing good happens outside the comfort of your parents’ home.”
Gap – “Cheap fabric and dim lighting, that’s how you move merchandise,” – Morty Seinfeld
Michaels – “Model airplanes are still a thing, right?”
Dick’s – “Saying Dick’s aloud never gets old.”
Bed Bath and Beyond – “There’s never enough time for this bullshit.”
Amazon – “Hate people and leaving your house? We’ve got you covered.”.
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
LifeOfaReilly
If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent!
@LifeOfaReilly
@TheLifeOfaReilly
TheLifeOfaReilly
Barnes and Noble – “Yes, we know we’re on borrowed time”
Bookstores are the best place for an away game if you need to take a dump while on the road.
This comment is going to change my life
I prefer fancy hotel lobby bathrooms, myself
Too few people around, they may ask questions. A large bookstore is much more anonymous, and full of the type of people who don’t smear shit on the stall walls.
Sir, this book has been flagged.
Barnes & Noble: “The irony of you being an environmentalist AND still buying physical books is not lost on us, but fuck it we’ll take what we can get.”
I will miss physically holding a book, but I’m not sad that there aren’t any typewriters.
ITunes gift cards – “you’re adopted”
Brookstone – “We know you only want to sit in the massage chair”
Kohl’s: “Clothing bitchy soccer moms since 1962.”
H&M – “our dressing rooms make your room at home look pristine”
Specs – “You need to talk to someone about this.”
JC Penney: Not Sears or Macy’s – equally as useless.
The Paper Store: You must not have heard of Shutterfly.