======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Sliding into a woman’s DMs, whether that be on Instagram or Twitter, is a skill that I’ve never even attempted to hone. In a past life, I never really had a whole lot of trouble walking up to a girl in real life and asking if she’d like to go out with me.
The worst thing she could say in that situation is “no” or some variation of “How did you get into my house? Why are you holding a knife?” Getting rejected is part of what makes The Chase such a thrilling ride. And the problem I have always had with the DM slide is that it’s there forever on record.
The record of what you said will always be there for him/her to pull up at any time, unlike IRL interactions where you can just pick up and move on if she denies your advances. You can’t digitally drown your sorrows in another domestic light beer like you can when you’re out at the bar and you get shut down.
With the recent influx of mailbag related articles popping up on the site in recent days, I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries in this arena. I just want to make it clear that it is not my intention to cuck anyone. Message in block quotes below. Oh yeah, and keep the questions coming.
Is it ever okay to slide in the DMs? I met this guy a few times through mutual friends and we hit it off. I was seeing someone at the time so I didn’t pursue anything, but that ended recently. We follow each other on Instagram and I would love to reach out, but don’t want to be creepy.
Since I’m pretty sure this message came from a girl, let me begin by saying that the rules regarding sliding into DMs are very different for men women. It’s paramount for a man to be polite and respectful when doing any sliding. For a woman, at least in my opinion, DM sliding is no holds barred. The fact that you’re even willing to put yourself out there and hit on a man via Instagram is incredible.
Most men will never experience what it is like to get approached by a woman, whether it’s IRL at a bar or online. The guy that you’re so desperately wanting to reach out to is going to be flattered beyond his wildest dreams that you decided to slide into his DMs. He’s going to be excited. And if I could make one teeny tiny suggestion? Maybe wait until a Friday or Saturday night when you know he’ll be out at the bar with his friends. He’ll get doubly excited when he gets to show all of his “boys” that a girl has just slid into his DMs.
In this way, men and women are virtually the same. When a girl gets a DM from a thirsty ass dude, the first thing she does is screenshot it and send to her favorite groupchat or show the people she’s out to brunch with what just happened. I think most guys will do the same when they’re sitting around watching football or drinking coldies at a dive bar.
What I’m getting at here is that you should absolutely finagle your way into this guy’s DMs. You already follow each other on Instagram and I’m sure you’ve been doing that cat and mouse game where you both like each other’s pictures, which sadly, in 2018, is considered flirting in some circles.
Make the message raunchy, polite, or somewhere in between. It really doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day this guy is going to be so taken aback that a girl actually hit on him, that there’s no way he rejects you. Enjoy your future first date with that guy. I think you’re going to be successful with this slide. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
This is correct. Very simple, ma’am.
Duda wrote a whole column on what could’ve been one word, “Yes.”
that’s why he’s a writer
Ladies….if you’re wondering if you should do anything that shows any interest or desire for sex with a man…the answer is always yes, we aren’t complicated creatures. Source: a guy that hasn’t been in the dating game since 2009
I’ve been debating sliding into the DMs of my favorite coach at my gym. This just might be the push I needed to do it.
2018 is the year we shoot our shots
Don’t remind me
Did your last attempt crash and BURN, Billy?
Be careful with the gym crush – if it gets awkward, you’ll be reminded everyday, or just find a new gym.
A girl I know well had a clever response to one of my stories, sent it to me and now we have a first date soon.
You’re sliding into someone you already knows Dms? Not weird at all and every guy will love that
I slid into a guy’s DMs after drunkenly adding them on Facebook the day after very briefly meeting. Was successful and 10/10 would do it again.
slid in the dm’s this weekend after debating it for a couple weeks. Hadn’t talked to the guy in months… worked well and we’re currently making plans for next week
Funny my DM’s were empty this weekend, and I don’t remember planning anything with you.
Maybe yours is coming next weekend…
Update: no plans. dude decided he has a gf. Sup?
I’m in Chicago if you’re down for drinks.
Reply to one of his instagram posts/stories with something like “omg! so jealous, why didn’t you invite me?” I’ve had girls pull this move on me and let’s just say it works.
What about a guy you don’t necessarily know but mutually follow?
Situation: matched on bumble over holidays, I honestly forgot to message him. You know how expired matches linger in the queue for a minute and you can still see the profiles? He had his insta listed so I followed & he followed back. Is it too late now to DM?
DM away. Definitely not too late.