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This week, we have an all female question pool. I’m hoping you guys find these questions helpful, or at the very least entertaining. As always, keep ’em comin’. Questions are in quotes below.
Hey Johnny.
I went on a date with a boy on Tuesday last week and it was great. Super fun kid, funny, smart, nice, whole 9. We ended up heading back to his place and making out at his apartment after for a few hours but due to some monthly timing that’s all we could do. I did not spend the night.
Anyways, Wednesday (morning after date #1): kid texts me and asks me to go to dinner again. I had to work an event for my office so I denied.
Thursday: Texts me and asks me to dinner, but I had after hours plans with my roommates so again, I graciously denied.
Friday: Texts me and asks me to get drinks, but I let him know I was going out of town for the weekend. It was nothing against him, I honestly had something going on every single night he asked after date one.
Sunday: I’m driving back from State College quite hungover and I get this text: “I understand you’re not feeling us anymore, you could’ve just told me instead of acting like you liked me in the first place.”
I actually did like him. But 1. I was way too hungover to deal with that kind of talk and 2. We went out for the first time on Tuesday night, he’s talking as if we had been dating for months?
I’m not sure I want to give him another chance. I’m comfortable being single for a few more years and this kid is becoming more and more of a nuisance in my mind as time goes on. Please advise.
Interesting to see how girls treat situations like this. I’ve had something similar happen to me — I’m not in the mood to text so I just don’t text back. Is it rude? Considering I have read receipts on, yeah, I guess it is a little rude. But what’s the alternative? Text back and then get into a conversation that lasts for hours that you’re not even into? Get outta here. The fact that he texted you every day for a week following a single dinner date should tell you everything you need to know: the juice ain’t worth the squeeze. Maybe he was funny, smart, and nice. But if you’re annoyed with him after one week just imagine how peeved you’re going to be three months into dating this dude.
You went on one date with this kid and he texted you the next day to get dinner. That is psychotic behavior. I don’t abide by that two-day rule or whatever it is about texting a girl, but to ask you out again the following night is totally strange. Get out now. This guy sounds like he harvests people’s organs in the basement of his apartment building. Enjoy your life as a single girl, and next time you’re in a situation like this where you’re annoyed but too nice to not respond to a text message, just ignore him. Ignoring someone’s text message (especially if you have read receipts enabled) goes a long way in letting someone know you’re not interested.
1. Are girls starting to recognize you? If I lived in Chicago I would 100% be asking you out right now.
2. My actual question…I’m dating in a different big city and currently have two guys I really like. It’s been a few weeks and I really don’t have a front-runner. At what point am I being a dick? A few more weeks in? If I start sleeping with both? I’ve never been in this situation before and my female friends say I should tell them both. What do you think?
To answer your first question, no. Girls do not recognize me when I’m out in the wild drinking cold domestics with my boys. That would be really cool if it did start happening, though. A few months back I had a match on bumble ask me if I wrote for PGP and I said yes. She followed up my response with, “Ah, cool. I’d never go out with you after reading your stuff.” I got a good laugh out of it. But enough about me.
It sounds like we’ve got a classic love triangle going on — don’t get angry but this is how I interpreted your question. You’re juggling two boys at once and you’re scared that if you tell them what’s really going on that both of them are going to leave you in the dust. It’s not so much that you’re being a dick, you’re just being kind of shitty stringing these two along. If you’re telling the truth and you’re actually not fucking either one of them I think it’s a different story. If you’re not having sex, feelings don’t get hurt. Egos aren’t bruised.
But this is the internet, after all. So while I’d like to say that I believe your story, I don’t. I’ll go ahead and just assume you are sleeping with both. No judgement here, it’s 2016. Go get your buckets. But you can’t just keep both of them in the dark. I think the play here, for lack of a better phrase, is to shit or get off the pot. Pick one or don’t pick either. Do you really think you can keep this façade up for much longer than a few weeks? Do you have to slant your phone away from one of the dudes when you’re texting the other one? Are you a sociopath? All I’m saying is that you can’t walk on eggshells forever. If you don’t come clean you’re more than likely going to get burned, and I don’t want to see that happen to you. Draw a line in the sand. Pick one and get it over with. .
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Respond
jduda@grandex.co
The first dude could have probably toned it down but if you liked him just give a “hey I’m free (insert date here)” so he knows you’re busy but still down to meet up and not just blowing him off. Which he would probably like on date 2.
Fact – If I get an “I’m busy” without a time when she’s free, automatically assume she’s not into it
Yeah man, I probably wouldn’t make plans for the next night, but anytime a girl shoots down multiple date times without supplying a time that works…99% of the time she’s just not feeling it and won’t say it.
If this story were strung out over the course of about a week and a half instead of 3 days, I could have been the guy in that story.
100% agree with this. It’s also easy to say that you can put the ball in her court, but I know girls who won’t send it back even if they are into the guy. So I agree, if this was over the course of a week and a half to two weeks, I would have been on his side of things.
Or the dude could have said; “Cool. I’d like to see you again, let me know what works for you and we’ll plan something”, or something along those lines. I’d rather put the ball in their court and move on if they don’t respond.
Stop thinking in terms of this being a problem. Just think of a solution
http://postgradproblems.wix.com/solutions
Get out.
Bros shouldn’t let bros be like the first guy. I used to be him, years ago. That is, until a friend of mine found out why I was terrible with the ladies and corrected me. Now I’m just terrible with the ladies in other ways. PGP?
Yea, but I bet you didn’t give a fuck when that girl from Bumble declined. Classic carefree Johnny.
That girl kind of sounds like a bitch
Duda with the scalding hot Monday morning takes
Coming in this week like:
Matched with a guy on Bumble. Proceeded to add me on Facebook, Snapchat, IG and viewed my LinkedIn. A month later and I’m still being hit with the “Hey”.
So you’re saying I shouldn’t have written you a recommendation on LinkedIn. Huh, lesson learned.
I have to admire his thoroughness.
Hey
Suhhhhh Duuuu
You up?
Girl 2 could also just lay it out on the table with both dudes: “I’m hooking up with other people and don’t want to stop yet.” Either they are cool with it (and you’ve granted them license to also sleep around, which is nice) or they’re not and the decision is made for you.
To the girl who said “I’ve never done this before”; you’ve totally done that before. You’re not fooling anyone with that facade anymore. Sex is the only free form of fun left in this world, enjoy it while you still can.
“Free”
While the lady in ex. 1 could’ve followed up with a possible time for their next date etc, the dude should have a basic understanding of scarcity. No one is interested in or wants what no one else doesn’t want. Guard your calendar, bro.
The guy made himself sound desperate, needy and just too available by asking her out three days in a row. You can’t make yourself seem too available because then the girl has no excitement about the chase. That old adage of people wanting what they can’t have is very true.
He could’ve also easily texted her after her first decline just asking when might be good for her to meet up for drinks or dinner again. I’m all for spontaneity but some weeks I’m just too busy to be available to go out the next night or whatever.
Yeah pretty much. Something along the lines of “I’m free on this day and this day, lemme know if either works” would’ve gone a long way.
Agree with other comments, if the first girl had supplied a date and time that did work for her, then I think the guy wouldn’t have asked her out three days in a row.