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In a breaking story out of Thailand that almost has too many pun opportunities to be true, a 38-year-old is recovering in the hospital following a bizarre bathroom incident in which a massive python latched onto his penis.
According to the CBS News report, the snake slithered through the plumbing of the Thai man’s house and right up to the opening of the man’s toilet. Doctors are optimistic about his recovery, and the report says that he is in good spirits in the hospital.
While we feel deeply for the man, it’s hard not to laugh at the amount of penis-related tidbits and jokes with this unfortunate story. Most notably are his first name — Attaporn — and the city it was reported out of — you guessed it: Bangkok. According to a five-second Google search I just did, “Attaporn” is a moderately popular name amongst southeast Asian men, although I was unable to conclude whether they prefer RedTube or PornHub.
I know I’m not alone when I say that my prayers are with my dude Attaporn today. Anyone who tries to make a penis joke during this man’s life-threatening encounter with a killer should be ashamed of themselves. I can’t even fathom a more horrifying, cringeworthy set of circumcisions circumstances to cum come out of a simple trip to the pisser.
Godspeed, Attaporn. .
Image via Shutterstock
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Still got head.
He got shafted on the hospital bill.
Take this shit down. I don’t need this kind of panic in my life.
Reading this on the toilet. Thanks a lot.
Yeah, but did he at least nut?
hell yea! I fuckin nutted just readin dis shit
I can’t even cum anymore unless allstar by smashmouth is playing in the background.