Please Leave Me Alone, Morning People

Please Leave Me Alone, Morning People

It’s no big secret that we live in a society that’s riddled with some crappy double standards. Men are supposed to pay for our meals, but most women would flip their shit if asked to split the bill. Stuff like this is part of life, and most of us have to suck it up and deal with it.

Lately though, there’s one double standard that has been plaguing me. It’s something that Negative Nancys like me have had to face all of our lives. But as I’ve become acclimated to my office environment, I’ve slowly descended into my own personal form of Hell. I’m absolutely out of my mind fed up with it. I am referring, of course, to the trials and tribulations of not being a morning person.

I truly do not understand how at the first beep of their alarm some people can throw back the covers and take on the world full force. Personally, I have to set my alarm to allot at least thirty minutes of snooze time if I even hope to crawl out of bed and wash my hair. Even after taking my sweet time to get up, get ready, and prepare my gallons of coffee, I’m still not bright eyed and bushy tailed until I’ve seen around three hours of sunlight. Dramatic? Maybe. Accurate? Completely.

But let’s get back to the issue at hand. As a non-morning person, I’m expected to smile and chat and keep my bitchy stare to a minimum. I get it. No one wants their vibe ruined by some asshole with an attitude. It’s an understood part of maturing into functioning adults that we shouldn’t project every little bad feeling onto others, especially in a professional environment.

I can roll with this, but dammit I want to see the same from the other half. Why is it that I need to keep the side eye and forced laughter to a minimum, but it’s perfectly fine for Tom the graduate assistant to skip into the doorway of my cube and give me an eight part rundown of why he loves breakfast burritos? These people come into our zones, yap for ten minutes on God knows what, and we the morning-challenged are supposed to just sit there and take it? Have you ever noticed how loud they are, too? Not only do I have to endure the “exquisite” experience you had at the local music festival, but I have to listen to it on average three more times as you make your way around the floor leaving a scorched path of cheer and optimism. To this I say no more.

We as a society deserve equality. I believe that we can be the generation to stop this insensitive assault on our basic human right to be cranky in the AM. So come on people: let’s fill that wage gap, stop saying dumb racist stuff, and for the love of God, Tom: STOP WHISTLING AT 8:15 IN THE MORNING. To change our culture, we must first change ourselves. Kumbaya and all that shit.

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Should be filing evaluations and researching analytical data, but here we are. The sunglasses never come off.

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