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So, lots of layers here. This guy’s best friend slept with his girlfriend, so he launched a TeeSpring campaign commemorating the infidelity that went down between his best bud and former lady. The tees have a touch of class, a powder blue base, with white script declaring: “FUCK YOU TODD & JESSICA!” Ah, love.
He then launched a brilliantly worded assault on them, most notably calling his ex a “GIRAFFE FACED BITCH” and “FAT POT BELLIED HERMAPHRODITE.”
Here’s the whole thing:
FUCK YOU JESSICA! YOU GIRAFFE FACED BITCH. I WAS NOTHING BUT GOOD TO YOU. I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED ME. AND HOW DO YOU REPAY ME? BY DUMPING ME FOR MY BEST FRIEND. YOU NOW MEAN NOTHING TO ME YOU SYPHILITIC CUNT DONKEY. NEVER TRAVEL TO AFRICA BECAUSE POACHERS MIGHT MISTAKE YOU FOR A RHINO YOU FAT POT BELLIED HERMAPHRODITE. PEOPLE USED TO THINK I WAS A BIG FOOT HUNTER WHEN THEY SAW ME WITH YOU. I HOPE YOU AND YOUR MURKY SWAMP VAGINA END UP ALONE. ITS CALLED VAGISIL YOU CHERUBIC CONCUBINE TWAT LORD.
AS FOR YOU TODD, YOU ARE A BITCH OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. YOU SMELL LIKE A MUSTY 6TH GRADER AFTER GYM CLASS WHO TRIED TO USE AXE TO COVER UP THE SMELL. YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE AGED COW TURDS. IF YOU WERE ON FIRE AND I HAD A BUCKET OF WATER, I WOULD LET MY DOG DRINK FROM THE BUCKET FIRST, AND THEN PUT YOU OUT WITH WHATEVER WAS LEFT. YOUR TEETH ARE SO FUCKED UP THAT YOU COULD HAVE DUAL CITIZENSHIP IN ENGLAND. YOUR TEETH LOOK LIKE THEY ARE WRITING A NOVEL IN WINGDINGS.
I HOPE YOU TWO HAVE KIDS. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE FUGLY OFFSPRING THAT SWAMP PUSSY AND AXE GOD WOULD PRODUCE. YOUR KIDS WILL PROBABLY HAVE THE LOW SLOPING FOREHEADS MOST COMMONLY ASSOCIATED WITH LOWLAND GORILLAS. YOU SHOULD JUST NAME YOUR FIRST BORN CRO MAGNON.
FUCK YOU TODD AND JESSICA. EAT SHIT.
Score one for that guy.
[via The Concourse, TeeSpring]
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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This man is a wordsmith of the highest level. I mean, “syphilitic cunt donkey?” “Cherubic concubine twat lord?” The English language doesn’t get more poetic than that.
He is very eloquent, to say the least
Got a new shirt for casual Friday.
Ya but does he hate them?
That was beautiful. Shakespearean mixed with a touch of Louis C. K. really. This guy must’ve been an English major.
Found “The Reply”… http://teespring.com/FROMTODDANDJESSICA
I feel like the response was similar to when Frankee wrote “F.U.R.B” to Eamon after his song “Dont Want You Back,” in that whomever created the response didn’t know the original author and was just trying to cash in on the fame of a better prior work of art
How old are these people again? That sort of response I would expect from a highschooler, not a mature adult.