Per This Stoner’s Craigslist Ad, He Really Needs Somewhere To Live

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Living with someone is a constant struggle of praying they don’t find out how weird you are before you move out. I’m weird in that I don’t interact much with people I live with, but often times, people want to find someone they can share mutual experiences with. You know, hit the town, go out, watch movies, share conversations, and maybe smoke the occasional reefer with when you’re too hungover to do the aforementioned activities.

This stoner from Mesa, Arizona is no different. And he posted one of my favorite Craigslist ads in the history of Craigslists ads attempting to find the perfect roommate who will let him smoke weed without 1. judgment and 2. letting his boss find out.

In its entirety, here is the complete ad titled “Let’s be stoned roomies man (Mesa)” via Craigslist:

Hey man like I totally need like a favor. I need a light couch or like a room or like you know maybe I could like get in the bed with you if you’re like a woman but not a dude I’m sorry I’m not into doing dudes. In fact you know if you’re a dude I don’t want to get in the bed with you or touch you or do anything with you except for perhaps shake your hand upon initial meeting of you but that’s it. But anyway like you know or like in a like a garage or like a porch or like a patio or like you know a guest room or guest house or did I really don’t care to be honest with you. As long as it’s like you know somewhere I can keep my clothes at. Somewhere I can you know beat my meat when I’m not working and I need like somewhere that I could roll up a doobie man I mean like I don’t need to like smoke it in the room I can go outside to do that but I’d like to be able to roll it up in there and not have to like worry about someone tripping out man you know what I mean? Like a lot of narcs out here man like not cool dude not f****** cool at all bro so like if you got like any of this spaceship and like you’re not like you know like a dude that’s like a pervert it’s a dude I didn’t like totally hit me up man you know like I’m looking for a place really soon dude like really soon I’m kind of like crashing out at my job right now and to be honest with you I don’t want my boss to find out man

Because this is Craigslist, you never know how valid these postings are. But based solely on the rambling nature and bleeping of the word “fucking,” I’m going to assume that this guy is legit. At the end of the day, all we’re all looking for is a place to keep our clothes, beat our meat, and roll doobies at, you know?

The biggest red flag here is that he’s fine with people contacting him for services or other commercial interests, which is pretty much the opposite of every single Craigslist ad ever created. But if that’s the worst thing about this guy, we’re doing alright.

If you live near or around Mesa, please reach out to this guy and help him find a place to call his own. He seems relatively harmless (outside of the whole doing illegal substances thing) and it seems as though he’d make for a pretty unassuming roommate that you don’t need to worry about. Just make sure you have room for his hookah and didgeridoo, because this guy definitely has both a hookah and a didgeridoo. .

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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