People Who Get Laid More Get Paid More

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Tired of getting underpaid? Want to make more money? Forget coming in early, working hard, or trying to suck up to your boss…well, actually, that last one might help, in a manner of speaking. According to researchers, if you want to earn more money at work, one of the best things you can do for yourself is, well, to have more sex. Who would have thought it?

According to researchers at Anglia Ruskin’s University in Cambridge, England, the key to being more successful is to get laid more often. While it’s not exactly a direct correlation if you were, say, a porn star or escort, who get paid every time they have sex, the study surveyed 7,500 people and found that people who have sex about two or three times a week earn 4.5% more than than those who don’t do the hibbity dibbity as often.

The responses came from a Greek University study, where I assume beautiful Greek people just major in fucking each others’ brains out on the beach all day, and found that there’s not only a direct correlation between sex and lower wages, but that the two actually cause one another. Dr. Nick Drydakis (Hi, Everybody! Hi, Dr. Nick!), who led the study at Anglia Ruskin’s University, stated that “Celibacy results in lower wages, as well as lower wages leading to less sex. That is, we can provide socio-economic arguments and health and mental health-based arguments in order to support both effects.”

I assume after he made that statement, he flipped his long locks of John Stamos-esque black hair and started making out with two chicks on a beach in Mykonos. They also found that, shocker, employees with health problems tend to have less sex and, double shocker, sex actually makes you a happier person.

From Daily Mail:

“Maslow’s Need Hierarchy Theory claims that the happier and more fulfilled individuals are in their lives, the more productive and successful they will be in their work, translating to higher wages. The theory concludes that people need to love and be loved, sexually and non-sexually, by others. In the absence of these elements, people may become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety and depression – all factors that can affect their working life.”

Thanks, Dr. Nick! So, if you want to make a lot of money and be successful, don’t focus on climbing the corporate ladder, climb on top of your fuck buddy! Or if you’re content where you are, kick your feet up, put on a cat sweater and enjoy mediocrity.

Go forth and multiply, Postgrads! But, for the love of god, get consent and use protection. Don’t be stupid..

[via Daily Mail]

Image via Shutterstock

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