Now In NYC: Cupcake ATMs

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Thank you, based god. The day has finally come: Sprinkles Cupcakes is opening a cupcake ATM in New York City. There are myriad pieces of this news article that literally raise my heart rate, namely the possibility of “golden tickets” and 24-hour access to cupcakes. This ATM is approximately four blocks from my place of work, so you can bet your sweet ass that I’ll go through the line as many times as possible during my measly, hourlong lunch break. And yes, I do understand that the store will be open during this period. That detracts from the thrill. No thanks, I refuse to exert energy to open the door and interact with another human in order to obtain my cupcakes. Let’s be real, we’ve all had fantasies about machines that dispense things to quell our biggest cravings à la “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” or the “CD” (coco dispenser, duh) in Tim Allen’s souped up sleigh from “The Santa Clause.” This is the first step toward making this planet finally worth living on. Soon enough, we’ll have access on the same scale as the human blimps in Wall-E.

Let this be a big lesson to Crumbs and all the other cupcake companies in the Big Apple. Get on board. We all know Sprinkles is the ugly stepsister of gourmet cupcakes, but you cant beat 24-hour access. One other problem with this? It’s in Midtown. Uh, news flash: no one who makes less than $150K a year and/or is under the age of 35 ever goes out in Midtown. Only the chosen few (read: trust fund babies) can really afford to live there. So, who exactly is going to buy up all the cupcakes whilst thoroughly inebriated at 3 a.m.? I’ll do what I can, but I’m only one medium-sized woman. Do your part.

[via NY Daily News]

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Mary Swanson

Both a bitter and optimistic 24-year-old entry-level underachiever with 2-4 friends and 0 talents. Washed up is an understatement. I prefer almost all my food luke-warm, what does that say about me?

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