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Nobu London’s New Brunch Menu Could Not Be More Luxurious And Pretentious Than It Is

Nobu London's New Brunch Menu Could Not Be More Luxurious And Pretentious Than It Is

Kanye West once threatened to walk into Nobu with no shoes on. Nobu, known for its fusion of Japanese and Peruvian cooking styles and all-around bougieness across the globe, is not actually a place you’d want to walk into barefoot considering you’d probably be asked to leave because it’s high-end as hell. You know, unless you’re Kanye West.

There’s something about a luxurious brunch that cures your hangover more than some homemade over easy eggs with a side of Folgers. Maybe it’s the retail therapy aspect factoring in with your color-the-water mimo, or maybe it’s just because someone is bringing your food to you rather than forcing your shaky hands to make yourself breakfast. Either way, if there’s a brunch spot that’s out of my price range opening up, I immediately want to try it even if I have to eat bare noodles with a side of straight whiskey for the rest of the week. Totally worth it.

Nobu is opening up a restaurant-hotel combo in London’s Shoreditch neighborhood in July, and the brunch menu that just got released could not be more upscale.

Per Bloomberg:

Matsuhisa’s third restaurant in London is scheduled to open July 1, it will be massive (240 seats), and it will be his first in the city to serve breakfast. (It’s in a hotel, after all.) The preliminary menu includes dishes such as matcha waffle and chicken with smoked maple ponzu and pecan miso butter for £16 ($21); a breakfast bento with umami seabass for £20; and his own take on eggs benedict, with crispy tofu, spinach, snow crab, shiso bearnaise and salmon egg for £20.

Wash it all down with a glass of charcoal lemonade, coconut water or a freshly pressed “greenhouse” juice melange of kale, spinach, romaine, celery, cucumber, lemon, and ginger (£6 each).

If I had to run down this menu and give my instant takes on it, they would go as follows:

Matcha Chicken and Waffles: WOULD.

Seabass Breakfast Bento: WOULD.

Snow Crab and Salmon Eggs Benedict: WOULD.

Charcoal Lemonade: WOULD.

This is the kind of menu that you see Gwyneth Paltrow and her daughter, Apple, would be perusing after Gwyneth had a long night of polishing off bottles of Nyetimber 2010 Blanc de Noir Millington at Pippa Middleton’s wedding. If you start your day at Nobu brunch and parlay that into the men’s final at Wimbledon, I’m fairly certain they just knight you on the spot. Like I bet David Beckham would order a greenhouse juice with a voddy-topper and get seen whispering in the ear of Kate Moss behind Victoria’s back. I bet they exclusively play “Passionfruit” for the entire first month they’re open.

I mean, these guys are checking off every single box that add up to yuppie scum: matcha, miso, umami, charcoal, kale. It reads like a Pinterest board of a college girl who decides she needs to grow up and become a foodie just before graduation, and honestly, I’m obsessed with it.

Non-stop flights to London around July 1st are only about $2,228 through British Airways and I legitimately could not buy this ticket sooner than I just did. If anyone has a connect with Nobu Matsuhisa, meet me at Heathrow in a self-driving Uber and let’s paint the town red before noon.

[via Bloomberg]

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Will

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at will@grandex.co.

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