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It’s been a while since my desk neighbor, Annie, has annoyed me with her overly infectious and enthusiastic personality. But just last week, I received an email from her to the whole department that sent a shiver down my spine at the mere sight of the subject line. “Company Trivia Night!!” That is verbatim. She used two exclamation points. On a company email account.
Long story short, Annie took it upon herself to organize a happy hour at a nearby bar for a trivia night. Now, normally trivia is a fine proposition for an evening out with your buddies, to get some weeknight drinking in and slake your competitive drive. I figured it wouldn’t be too bad. I’d team up with some of my buddies and we would spend the night getting drunk on the company dime. Of course, I should have known that Annie, that little ray of sunshine and teamwork, would find a way to make it unbearable.
“As part of a team-building initiative…”
Oh God, this is going to be bad.
“…we are going to have a company trivia night. When I say that, I mean in every sense. All the questions will be about our company. Its history, its mission, and the workplace policies we all need to know.”
Hey, we’ve dressed up an HR meeting with competition so the brown-nosers get to feel like the smartest kid in class again.
“…the whole bar is rented out, so there will be no distractions…”
Translation: no chance for you to slip away into the crowd or get your friends to come and save you from this.
“…and prizes will be available to the winning team!”
Gift cards and things branded with our company logo! Who doesn’t want free shit you didn’t want?
“Team assignments are posted below, to make sure we build some departmental camaraderie. Take this opportunity to get to know your fellow office-mates you’re less familiar with!”
There it was, the final dagger in this whole sham. Up until that point, I was fine tolerating the bullshit because free alcohol outweighs the hassle. But the fact that I was to be forced to sit at a table with folks I either didn’t care about or actively avoided threw the balance back the other way.
For a week, I did everything I could to set the stage for my inevitable “nope” out of the situation. On Monday, I reported feeling “a little sick” and reported I was going to “take it easy” all week despite the fact that my girlfriend and I killed a bottle of wine that very same night. Tuesday, I began the complaints about how difficult one of our clients were, and how I was likely going to be staying late every day this week. Wednesday, Valentines, I made sure to let everyone know that I was going to be pulling all the stops, and wanting to take it easy the next night. But Annie was oblivious or (most likely) undeterred, and kept assuring me how a trivia night with the team was going to be “so fun.”
Sure, if your idea of fun is getting waterboarded with dragonfruit-flavored vitamin water.
When Thursday arrived, Annie was positively giddy. Literally, the first words out of her mouth that morning were “who’s ready for trivia tonight?”
Not me, that’s who.
As the hours ticked by, I grew more and more desperate as it became clear the seeds I’d planted earlier in the week were not going to bear fruit. When four p.m. rolled around and Annie started to gather everyone to make the trek to the bar, I had no time or options. So I stayed at my desk, stoic, praying that her visual acuity was like that of a T-Rex and I would be unseen as long as I remained still. Alas, that was not the case.
“You ready to go Josh?” she asked with far too much spunk.
I considered, for half a second, throwing out another excuse that she would assuredly muscle through. But instead, tired of the perpetual game of trying to get out of obligations I didn’t want to go to with excuses she knows are fake, I just said the truth.
“No, I’m not really interested in going. You guys have fun.”
Annie looked at me like an anime character who just found out that her mother was killed. Stunned, she couldn’t answer. She had no real counter other than “are you sure?”
I nodded affirmatively and she was gone. No further protests or pleas, like I would have gotten with a fake excuse. It was the ultimate shut-down, an iron door slamming in her face with no possible counter. And the feeling of relief of avoiding an unpleasant event with no guilt was positively orgasmic.
As the rest of the group began to exit, I heard someone asking, “Why isn’t Josh coming?”
“Oh,” Annie said with her usual chirp, “He’s busy. He said he’ll try to come a little later.”
That, Annie my dear, was a mistake.
“No,” I said loudly, without even looking up from my computer. “Not busy, not going later, don’t want to go.”
I’ve never seen Annie angry, and that continued on this day. But this was the closest I’ve ever seen to her getting irritated, frustrated, or pissed off. Her mouth tightened and her eyes narrowed, but I didn’t flinch. She brought it on herself, by not just simply telling everyone else I wasn’t able to go. I was done with the charades.
After the awkward moment subsided, something amazing happened. A few people, already adorned in their coats and carrying their bags, broke away from the group and began walking back to their desks.
There were a few mumbles of “yeah actually I have some work that I should finish up,” but it was my buddy Eric who had the courage to say, “Yeah I’m also kind of not feeling this. I’m gonna stay back as well.”
Two Spartan warriors holding the line against hordes of Persian invaders, we stood there against the tides of etiquette and societal norms. But our co-workers had nothing to say, even Annie, who looked on sorrowfully as a much smaller group left for their lame trivia night.
Eric and I left shortly after them, no plans in our minds just a free night to ourselves. We tasted victory in the air, armed with the knowledge that we were no longer prisoners to the same song-and-dance that accompanied every unpalatable social obligation. Instead of feigning interest and pleading excuses, praying the other party might get busy and have to cancel, we could instead just simply say what we all knew in our hearts: I don’t want to.
So, when my girlfriend invites me to brunch with all her friends, but I just want to hit the gym and get some quality PS4 time, I’ll kiss her on the cheek and say “I’d rather not babe, but you should go and have fun!” She knows I love spending time with her, but understands I need my “me” time.
The next time a friend invites me to a happy hour when I’m tired and want to spend the night alone watching movies, I won’t bullshit him. I’ll tell him straight up, “I don’t want to tonight. Thanks, though.” No muss, no fuss, no hurt feelings. True friends will know that I still like them, even if I don’t want to hang out with them every time they ask.
And the next time Annie tries to rope me into some obligation at work that’s not part of my actual job description, I won’t bullshit her with some reason it doesn’t work or I’m busy. I’ll just tell her simply “Nah, I don’t want to.” And if it happens to slowly erode her perpetual cheer then that’s just an added bonus..
*Edit: The author has been instructed to inform his readers that telling his girlfriend “I don’t want to” spend time with her is not only false but a slanderous outrage. Under no circumstances is this author suggesting that he has or will ever do activities with his beautiful lady against his will, and he cherishes every single millisecond they spend together. Every moment he is apart from her is more painful than a thousand bullet ants biting his junk.
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@joshetyler
@joshetyler
So, Annie are you ok? Are you ok Annie?
When it comes to future commitments no matter how close or far away, I have found that not committing to anything at all by saying “idk, I might not even be alive at that point so we’ll see” has worked absolute wonders for my life and my mental well-being because when the people who invited you places see that you are in fact not-dead after you skip their shitty planned event, they get all upset and resentful and that’s a great indicator for who your real friends are because life is way too short to have resentment lol
3 things:
1.You are a brave, brave man with balls the size of coconuts.
2. Your company is a piece of shit for doing this and Annie is one of the biggest tools out there.
3. You might want to update your resume.
Ballsy, yes, but he seems like an asshole and that’s not the attitude you want to give off to your employer. When she said that you were busy and you might come later that was to make you not look a miserable POS. Unless your work is setting this shit up every week, doing something once a quarter or so isn’t terrible. Also, “killing” a single bottle of wine between two people on the same night as The Bachelor is not something to add in. That’s amateur level and I hope you can do better.
That’s exactly why I wrote my third point.
I assumed that was because he works with people who create these events, so he should work somewhere else because THEY suck.
Ah, no. It was because he pulled a pretty dick move and got whatever is the opposite of work brownie points. But I can see how it can be interpreted your way as well.
I applaud the brazen nature of this, however don’t be surprised if you win the battle but lose the war.
As every office’s “Annie” may be annoying, she was doing you a solid and you threw it back in her face.
Not a good look.
I second this
Yeah… He was fine at first but he really fucked himself over in the end. Honestly, in the long run he should’ve just sucked it up and went.
Sounds like some fucked up twisted adult version of being forced to introduce yourself to new kids on the first day of school
I’m getting anxious just thinking about this. Two truths and a lie was the bane of my existence.
PGPM.
I’m an idiot and didn’t fully comprehend the title until halfway through when you finally said no. I was getting mad up until that point thinking you were just going to go along with it. I’ve never understood the pressure to go to work functions. I go because I want to, but I’ve no problem saying no if I’m not feeling it. Good work on setting the precedent, hilarious to picture a few others following suit
You’ve gotta be careful with this, and consider most of your coworkers realize it’s dumb, but are going along with it. When layoffs come, I’m sure they’d rather fire the guy who hasn’t built up a rapport with others than the guy who has. Unfortunately, the days of just being able to come in and do good work are gone. PGP