New App That Writes ‘Thank You’ Notes For Your Wedding Signals End Of Humanity

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On the last day of summer before my parents took me to school for the first time, I had to sit in my dining room with a pen in my hand. I spent the entire summer on a farewell tour and had neglected writing Thank You notes to everyone who had come to my high school graduation party and / or had given me a gift. At the time, I didn’t know that writing notes like that was even standard protocol, but believe me, my mom made sure I had them all stamped and ready to go out before I was allowed to move onto the next phase in my life. And since that day, I’ve never underestimated the importance of a handwritten note.

Regrettably, even today, I hardly write them. Two years ago, I purchased a box of twenty-five thick cards that are perfect for any occasion. But about a dozen still sit in my desk drawer. I haven’t gotten married, no one gives me gifts besides my parents and my girlfriend, and I’ve found that giving someone a hand-written Thank You note creeps them out because it’s 2016 and we’re all pieces of shit.

Unfortunately, there’s now an app geared towards brides and grooms that will do it for you. And if you use this app, you’re worse than the scumbag who was ordering rounds of shots at your wedding that ended up doubling your bar tab. Per The Huffington Post:

The app is called “PunkPost“ and it is a service that you pay to hand-write your thank you notes, geared for brides and grooms (and other people – they do thank you notes for every occasion) who are too busy and important to sit down and write their own damned thank you notes (okay, you can probably tell what I think of it already).

Sure, you spent $30 a plate on your wedding. But that’s just a cost you incur. And sure, half of your guests probably haven’t even purchased a gift for you by the time you begin writing your Thank Yous. But they have a year. If you can’t take the time to sit down, take five minutes, and write a note to your aunt who purchased a $500 mixer for you, you’re scum. Almost as much of a piece of scum as the founder of the app, who explained the entire process in terms that should send chills down the spines of any self-respecting member of society.

“The process is easy. You pick a card from the app, type a thank you message, add a confetti bomb or a photo of the two of them from the wedding. Then one of our Scriptists will take the message and write it in the card, print out your photo, throw in a confetti bomb, address the envelope, put a stamp on it and get it in the mail within 24 hours. Brides and grooms can send their thanks all in one day without ever picking up a pen,” Monson explains in her perky pitch

“How nice,” your aunt will think to herself. “[Bride’s name] sent the nicest note to us, honey. Let’s put it on the refrigerator.” But little does she know, that note was written by some random unemployed girl on freelance who happens to have acceptable enough writing to get paid x-amount of dollars for every fucking note she writes.

Get it together, everyone. Stop pulling the wool over your loved one’s eyes by using apps to do what our grandparents used to do out of the kindness of their heart.

Actually, who am I kidding? I’ll probably be sitting at my dining room table 364 days after my wedding date scribbling half-ass notes in a desperate attempt to look responsible. .

[via Huffington Post]

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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