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We’re just over a quarter of the way through baseball season and aren’t things going great? It’s already been a memorable season to say the least. Bryce Harper is hitting tanks and trying to “Make Baseball Fun Again.” Arrieta, Sale, and Kershaw are throwing like gods, while Big Fat Bartolo Colon hit the shot heard round the world. Best of all, Rougned Odor landed the most solid baseball punch in a decade.
The season is still young, and that means that most everyone is in the hunt. Lord knows the obnoxious creatures known as Cubs fans are letting everyone know how good they are, but really at this point it’s almost anyone’s game. But not everyone.
I’m a Twins fan and my season is done. Just like the Braves and Reds, my beloved Twinkies have shit down their leg faster than Fat Bastard after a Taco Bell run. The prospects have mostly struggled, the vets have been subpar at best, and the team is now going through what is being known as #TotalSystemFailure. Long story short, it’s the worst start in team history and now I don’t have a contender in my life, all before June.
I’ve been getting by; it hasn’t been easy, but I am. Today though, today I learn to cope. No more throwing the remote after yet another blown lead. No more hanging my head. No more crying desperately in the shower like I just figured out that Finkle is Einhorn. I didn’t get to watch a contender into September and then the playoffs, but not everyone does. I’ve just got to learn to deal with it earlier than usual.
If acceptance is the first stage, I’m way beyond that. By late-April I was already declaring this team cooked. Last year’s potent offense has had the impact of a pebble against concrete, and the bullpen looked about as good as Trump’s hair. It hurts, it hurts real bad, but you have to move on.
I don’t have to leave the team completely behind just yet. Joe Mauer has reached 75% peak Joe Mauer, as opposed to the ghost of his last couple years. He’s not hitting .320 anymore, but don’t be surprised if my Twitter gets lit every time he gets on base twice in a game. Joe chasing a .400 OBP is like my Ted Williams hitting .406. I’m also going to pull for the prospects to come up, get their feet wet, and get ready for next year. Otherwise, I’ve gotta hope for good deadline deals to ship off dead weight and just embrace sadness.
I’ll go all-in on my fantasy teams. At least with that I have some control over things (FYI, hey Twins, I actually spend money on pitching). I’ve got a friend in The Show and a few trying to get there, so I’ll focus on rooting for them a bit more, maybe hone in on some minor league action a bit earlier than usual. Seeing as the calendar is just turning to June, there’s plenty of time to do quality research on which bandwagon I’m going to hop on (Step up Astros, I really want to hitch a ride). While enjoying exciting call-ups and playoff races, I’ll still feel involved, just not fully whole.
Hell, I can look at this as an opportunity. No longer will I force myself to endure three hours of mediocre baseball. Instead I can use MLB TV to its full capacity, hopping around on games to take a look in at guys who are actually exciting. Twins getting dicksanded 7-0? No problem, Machado is batting in Baltimore so I think I’ll watch that instead. Braves and Reds fans, you know what I’m talking about. We can’t be sad over what we don’t have; instead just look at it as a chance to get out and meet new people. Have you ever watched a Mariners game post-Griffey? It’s actually kinda cool.
Eventually I won’t be alone. By the trade deadline many will join in watching their teams wither away like my short game on the back nine. Major League Baseball has a long season, and it feels twice as long when your team spends the majority of it in the cellar. But I’ll persevere. I’ll use this new freedom of being unshackled from the hope of a championship to explore other baseball endeavors. I’ll cope and I’ll survive until next year, and I’ll be happy. And I’ll only cringe and quietly swear when I get my score notification letting me know the Twins lost..
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Kyle Bandujo
The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.
@kylebandujo
@bandujokyle
kyle.bandit
Reading this made me appreciate my Giants even more.
And look on the bright side – having a shitty team translates into cheap tickets, which means more money to drink enough beer so that you don’t really care if they lose.
Can we please do something to address this, Grandex?
Seriously, I clicked on the site and was told they can only pay me 82 pounds every hour from online jobs, and I only get to work from home two days a week. Total bait and switch, Grandex.
This is truly the golden age of Bay Area sports (except the Niners). Been amazing for everybody, except the sacrificial muni bus that goes down when championships are won to appease the gods.
Come to the Sharks, Warriors and Giants side, Kyle. The water in the Bay is nice and warm.
Even the Niners had they heyday within the last couple of years when Harbaugh was around. No Super Bowl win, but an appearance there surrounded by two NFC champ game appearances was pretty awesome.
I’m savoring every moment of this and will tell my grandkids about it.
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Hey Grandex, we’ve seen you guys ban some commenters before. Any chance you can do the same with these spammers?
Yeah, I’ve been ridiculously lucky to grow up a Cardinals fan. Even when I was younger and we were terrible, we were always interesting
I’ve always liked the Cardinals. You guys have a great fan base, a deep farm system and Pujols was one of my favorite players growing up. Here’s to more epic NLCS match ups.
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I live within 1 mile from Minute Maid (or a 1-beer walk) and it’s been nice having the Astros back to old form. I can make a spontaneous walk up to the box office and find pretty good/cheap tickets to see the stars from the other team. I’m not an Astros fan so it doesn’t hurt me they are on the bottom.
If Crash is hoping for Houston to step up he’s going to be doubly disappointed.
I feel like you’re tossing shade at me by refusing to hop on the Rangers bandwagon.
Its a commitment I’m just not sure I’m emotionally ready to make.
As a Rays fan, I’m just holding out hope we can ride .500 into a potential Wild Card spot before Boston honeydicks us and we finish 8 games out.
I’m calling we lose in the wild card game and longo gets injured by August
People keep trying to shit on the Reds but even in bad seasons we’re breaking records.
Not quite yet – the record for losses in a row is 24 (Cleveland in the 1899 season). We’re not even halfway there yet, but the Brewers may send us on the way there this weekend.
MLB record for games in a row with an earned run from a reliever. Also, not sure if a record or not, but more of there losses are from games they’ve led than not.
their* Jesus I need to go home
At least you have the….Vikings? I’m sorry.
You leave our 3rd year still unproven QB, strongest grip in the league except when it comes to holding a football RB, and can’t read a playbook WR out of this.
…Stefon Diggs is pretty good, though.
Just need MegaQuon to deliver now.
Dude, we were out of contention on opening day. We have shit for pitching and the best players in the organization can’t hit Major League pitching. But here’s how you cope, the Cleveland Spiders lost 134 games. Say it with me, “The Drive for 135! The Drive for 135!”
Common has entirely too much fun with that
Come to the true Texas team, the Rangers. We’ll accept you with open arms. Hell I’ll help you find a babysitter so you can come to a game.
Who’s the friend in the show?
I hate that the Braves are leaving the Ted on such a sour note 🙁