My Taco Bell Lunch Break Was Ruined By One Of The More Absurd Bathroom Sex Acts

I Went To Taco Bell For Lunch And Saw Some Dude Getting A Blumpkin In The Bathroom

Yesterday was just another rainy Monday. I thought I was moving up the ranks when I got moved to a window office, but now I just waste my time watching imaginary raindrop races across my window. Remember when you were a kid, on those long road trips, and you would sit in the backseat of the car and just watch the rain drops race across the window? Sometimes I would cheer them on, and I always got real excited when they would swallow each other. Well here I am today, just racing raindrops and watching the time tick away, so I decided to get Taco Bell for lunch.

I can’t stand the Taco Bell near my office. The prices are all 50 cents higher than the one in the town that I live in. Getting in and out is a pain, and the staff there just really sucks. I normally don’t expect much from Taco Bell but this place is bottom tier and then some. While I was waiting for ten minutes for my food, I really had to take a leak, so I ran to the bathroom. This particular Taco Bell has the single bathrooms that lock, so I went for the handle and it was unlocked. Normally people might knock, but I hate knocking, so if it’s unlocked I normally give it a try. I swing the door open to see one of the more disturbing sights I’ve seen in my 23 years. Some guy was sitting on the toilet with his pants around his ankles, leaned back with his hands over his head while some woman with black hair was giving him special kisses.

Now, I’ve seen a lot of shit in my life. I’ve got some friends that have made bad decisions from time to time and I’ve been in some sticky situations before. I’ve seen puke, I’ve seen that vine of someone taking a dump out of their car window, I’ve seen many Fail Fridays on our brother site and I’ve seen much more disturbing and disgusting things. I’ve helped both cows and horses give birth. I really feel like I’ve seen everything short of being in a combat zone or a first responder to a catastrophe. I think I just witnessed the most disturbing thing to date, however. I am traumatized and full of questions.

Were they married? Were they cheating? Is this some hot and heavy colleague romance that requires secrecy? If so, why did they pick Taco Bell? Did these two lovers meet in line waiting for their food when the lady decided she wanted to eat a different kind of chalupa instead? Why didn’t they get a hotel? Or do it in their car? What are they thinking? WHY DIDN’T THEY LOCK THE DOOR? Did they hear me open the door?

I’m just so confused right now. I would not be as surprised if I walked in on that in a college town Taco Bell late at night or back in my hometown in the middle of the day (just kidding, my hometown is so small we don’t even have a McDonalds or any fast food for that matter). I would never expect to find two grown and probably very wealthy (just google Loudoun County) adults getting it on in a Taco Bell bathroom. Usually, I can respect a power move like that, but today I’m just speechless. I don’t even know if I can get any work done the rest of the week. I’m at a loss for words.

If you need some midday sloppy-top, please don’t get it in a Taco Bell bathroom.

Image via Rob Wilson /

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Just a big dude from Virginia who loves Dale Earnhardt, guns, and eating red meat.

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