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One of my earliest memories, let alone earliest Christmas memories, was from my third Christmas where I woke up before my parents and, since I hadn’t yet learned to read, opened everyone’s presents. Two things happened after that. First, my parents stopped putting presents under the tree until Christmas Day. Second, I was so filled with guilt about ruining Christmas that I’ve never been comfortable asking my parents for anything. This presents a problem, pun intended, since every year my mom asks me for a Christmas list. I’m thirty years old sending my parents a Christmas list. However, that also gives me the ability to put together a short, simple, reasonable Christmas list for any postgrad who has no idea what to ask for without sounding like a spoiled brat.
1. Ten-to-Twenty Pairs of Dress Socks
There is no better feeling than putting on a fresh pair of dress socks. It’s like the first few seconds of coitus, but for your feet. Costco has surprisingly good dress socks that are $8 per pack of 4 pairs. Five packs should last you a year (each pair worn 12 times) and you can re-up every year or two if you’d like. Besides, odds are you lose at least a fourth of your socks by your fifth laundry day. If you want to go a little fancier, Nordstrom dress socks are solid, but dress socks are subject to the law of diminishing returns. There’s no benefit to going fancier unless you’re the type who brags about your luxury socks to pick up gold diggers at happy hour.
2. A Chipotle Gift Card
Based on my current consumption rate, a fifty dollar Chipotle gift card can feed me healthily for a week. This would be the most utilitarian present I could possibly get, and I’m sure many of my fellow desk-dwelling Chipotle chompers would agree. There’s no faster healthy alternative for a workday, and it’s not like my metabolism isn’t already through the floor. It’ll go well with my classic “lose weight” New Years Resolution.
3. Amazon Fire TV Stick
As someone who travels on average one week per month for work, I’d much rather watch my Amazon Prime TV, Netflix, or HBO Now on the TV than on my computer. At $40 the Fire Stick is a reasonably priced plug and play that frees up my computer for things like, you know, work, and it’s more portable than a full sized Apple TV or Amazon Fire TV.
4. A Book
Books are a cliche Christmas gift. However, with football season almost over, Hollywood basically excreting waste into the box office (with the exception of “Rogue One”), “Westworld” not returning until 2018, and “Game of Thrones” not returning until late 2017, it’s the perfect time to get into a book before the distractions return. For non-fiction, “Tools of Titans” by Tim Ferriss was at the top of my list. Whether your inner intellectual romantic is looking for some new F Scott Fitzgerald works on which you will not have to write a paper (Bruccoli’s compilation is great, by the way) or you want to read up on the military history of Alexander the Great, I recommend at least one book on the Christmas list. Unless it’s a book involving Amy Schumer or Lena Dunham.
5. A New MacBook Pro
Sometimes you just have to throw a Hail Mary. But the new MacBook Pro does look pretty rad and even time saving. Might even be useful for work..
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