My Only Complaint About This $1,000 Bagel Is That It Isn’t More Expensive

My Only Complaint About This $1,000 Bagel Is That It Isn't More Expensive

I don’t think anyone should ever be ashamed for indulging in anything. If you want to spend $36 on a stick of deodorant, I say you spend $36 on a stick of perfumed deodorant. You have to spend money to make money so if you’re not lathering yourself with literal cash every morning the second you wake up, then you’re pretty much begging to live a mediocre life. So, it goes without being said if you’re not following up said lathering with this $1,000 bagel from The Westin in New York City, you’re just not living your best life.

Per MarketWatch:

A decade ago, the Westin New York at Time Square made headlines by offering a $1,000 bagel, dubbed “the world’s most expensive piece of bread.” Smeared with white truffle cream cheese and adorned with “Riesling jelly” and gold flakes, the gilded breakfast item was a real PR hit for the hotel.

Now, with the financial crisis merely a blip on the rising S&P SPX, -0.39% chart and investors riding a historic wave of market optimism, the “over-the-top” bagel is back by popular demand — so says the hotel — and is available from Nov. 1 and through mid-December. It’s a screaming bargain, too, according to the Westin.

“Considering how pricing has risen in the past decade (try buying an apartment for the same price as it was in 2007), this bagel at its introductory cost is nearly a deal,” the hotel said in a press release.

Couldn’t. agree. more.

Listen, I get it. This isn’t in everyone’s budget. Honestly, it’s not in my budget by a longshot. I pretty much had to take our a low-interest loan to pay for a lox bagel just two weeks ago. But if you’re going to go out there and create the world’s most expensive bagel, you need to do a little more than toss some truffle cream cheese and riesling jelly on it.

Get some Almas Iranian beluga caviar to sprinkle on that bitch. Use lox from the finest salmon of the Capistrano. Bake them with flour from that Reuel Colt Gridley dude from the 1860s. I don’t know either, Google it. But if the real world is anything like The Wolf of Wall Street, you’d have to imagine these Wall Street bigwigs with slickbacks aren’t all that impressed with a bagel that costs a fraction of their weekly wages. A thousand bucks is piss to them. If you really want to make a splash and make a bagel into a status symbol, make it Dom Perignon jelly instead of Riesling.

This is the reason no one stays at The Westin anymore. Go big or go home. They don’t call it “the concrete jungle where dreams are made of” because people get impressed with gold flakes truffle cream cheese. Step it up.

[via MarketWatch]

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Editor at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram).

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