I never realized this because everyone just constantly talks about how much the real world sucks, but a lot of companies actually give pretty legit benefits and perks to their employees. Sure, some people get a $20 bill for Christmas (if anything at all) and others have to use vacation days for the birth of their firstborn son, but there are some diamonds in the rough out there.
1. Netflix offers one paid year of maternity and paternity leave to new parents. They also allow parents to return part-time or full-time and take time off as needed throughout the year.
This is huge for my case to be a stay-at-home dad. If you’re thinking I’d be taking anything less than 365 days of walking around in lululemon sweatpants while taking yoga classes in between caring for my kid, you’re out of your mind.
2. REI encourages its employees to get outside by offering two paid days off, called “Yay Days,” a year to enjoy their favorite outside activity.
The worst part about living in Texas? Snow days just don’t exist. I miss checking the forecast the night before an Alberta Clipper dominated Northern Michigan with snow only so I could take the next morning off to enjoy some freshies.
3. Salesforce employees receive six days of paid volunteer time off a year, and if they use all six, they receive a $1,000 grant to donate to a charity of their choice.
Volunteer? Nah, I’m good. Just kidding — I’d be at a humane society every second I could just laughing and making it rain with my $1,000 grant.
4. Spotify provides six months of paid parental leave, plus one month of flexible work options for parents returning to the office. The company also covers costs for egg freezing and fertility assistance.
Only six months? I’d be taking those six months to apply to Netflix where I’d get a year. Sorry, Spotify. Maybe if you get Bob Seger I’d reconsider.
5. World Wildlife Fund employees take Friday off every other week, also known as “Panda Fridays” at the nonprofit.
Okay, need more info on this. If “Panda Fridays” don’t include just chilling with a bunch of pandas every Friday, then I don’t want any part of it.
6. Airbnb, the Best Place to Work in 2016, gives its employees an annual stipend of $2,000 to travel and stay in an Airbnb listing anywhere in the world.
Sign. Me. Up. But we all know I’d take my $2,000, blow it all in one night on a baller pad, and just hate myself for the next 364 days.
7. PwC offers its employees $1,200 per year for student loan debt reimbursement.
I appreciate the sentiment, but that’s just a drop in the well for most of us.
8. Pinterest provides a unique take on the parental leave policy by providing four paid months off, plus an additional month of part-time hours, as well as two counseling sessions to create a plan to re-enter the workplace.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but this just seems like too much of a hassle. Two counseling sessions to re-enter the workplace? How about just a high-five when I sit back down at my desk. I don’t need counseling, I just need no one to email me anything too intense for a few days while I get used to being back on the grind.
9. Burton employees receive season ski passes and “snow days” to hit the slopes after a big snowfall.
Season ski passes? That’s a million times better than that loan reimbursement bullshit. I would abuse the shit out of that privilege. Just chillin’ in the apres ski bar with my goggles around my neck hitting on ski bunnies.
10. Twilio offers employees a Kindle plus $30 a month to purchase books.
Oh, cool. Do they get Androids too? Or Dell DJs instead of iPods? Or maybe portable mini disk players?
11. Twitter is well-known for providing perks such as three catered meals a day, but some lesser-known benefits include on-site acupuncture and improv classes.
You had me until “improv classes” though. Like, the last thing I want to do is work next to a bunch of try-hard theater dorks.
12. Accenture covers gender reassignment for their employees as part of their commitment to LGBTQ rights and diversity.
Um. I… nevermind.
13. Walt Disney Company wants its employees to enjoy the “Happiest Place on Earth” as much as their visitors by offering free admission to its parks for employees, plus their friends and family, as well as discounts on hotels and merchandise.
Now we’re talkin’. Just pounding beers in Germany at Epcot on every day off. Does this cover the Japanese parks though? Because if so, “konnichiwa.”
14. Facebook provides $4,000 in “Baby Cash” to employees with a newborn.
One man’s “baby cash” is another man’s new set of Callaway irons and a few rounds at Torrey Pines. To each their own.
15. Evernote hosts classes through “Evernote Academy,” which offers team-building courses like macaroon baking.
I think this might be the worst yet. I don’t need to know how to make fucking macaroons. I need extra time and money so I can spread my wings and work on my golf game. That is, unless Evernote Academy offers putting lessons with Steve Stricker. I’d take those.
16. Epic Systems Corporation offers employees a paid four-week sabbatical to pursue their creative talents after 5 years at the company.
Helllllooooo, Yacht Week!
17. Adobe shuts down the entire company for one week in December and one week over the summer.
Ski trip anyone? If they shut down the company any other week than the 4th Of July then all bets are off and I’m heading over to Burton for my ski pass.
18. Asana employees have access to executive and life coaching services outside of the company.
SNOOZE CITY. My first action at the company would be negotiating those life coaching lessons into an account for myself that’s saving up for a 43′ Chris Craft.
19. Zillow pays for employees who are traveling to ship their breast milk.
Breasttttt Milkkkkkk, you made my dayyyyyyyyy.
20. Google provides the surviving spouse or partner of a deceased employee 50% of their salary for the next ten years.
Making A Murderer, Season 2: The Will deFries Story. .
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