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This week, I stumbled upon an article on USA Today of fun terms, called Wordbirds, that humorously and satirically describe things and people we deal with every day. As I read, I discovered that Wordbirds actually began as a Tumblr site before it became Oprah’s Book of the Week. So like the work-avoiding procrastinator I am, I immediately jumped on the Tumblr and picked out some of my favorites.
PRANG: (N.) ‘prang Person who dresses in paint box colors, often favoring one in particular.
This is particularly common in my office with girls and their pink EVERYTHING!
PREVARIDATE: (V.) pruh-‘vair-i-dayt To waffle about your age.
Oh wow, you’re 29 again! Haven’t you been 29 for a couple decades now?
AFTERGLOOM: (N.) ‘af-tur-gloom The emotional state that sets in as the pleasures of a vacation, holiday, or joyful occasion recede into the past.
It’s like a vacation hangover, accompanied by jetlag, laundry, an empty fridge, and large credit card bills.
MOONFLAPS: (N. Pl.) ‘moon-flaps The demilunes of buttock flesh that protrude from short-shorts that are too short—like mudflaps at the back of a semi.
Thank god for daisy dukes, cheekies, shorties, and whatever else you want to call them.
CYBALK: (N.) ‘sy-bawlk A stubborn computer’s resistance to working with printers, keyboards, mice and other devices that are (supposedly) compatible with it.
Print damn you! Just freaking print already!
BATCHKLATSCH: (N.) ‘batch-clatch A group of bachelor friends, similarly dressed (all in crisp shirts and suits (with or without tie); or all in pearl-snap plaid and denim hipster get-up), spotted out on the town, on the prowl.
Also known as 75% of frat boys and sorority girls at the bar every weekend.
POLTERGUY: (N.) ‘pol-tur-gī Ex-boyfriend who exerts a haunting, destructive influence on a person’s later relationships.
If you or one of your buddies hasn’t been a polterguy, you’re hanging around with a bunch of guys who don’t date. Also, find yourself a date, there are plenty of sites out there to help.
PROCRASTIDATE (V.) pro-‘kras-ti-dayt 1) To put off attempting to date anyone for various reasons (e.g., workaholism, intimacy issues, laziness, dearth of prospects, addiction to WoW or Call of Duty). 2) To date un-seriously in order to put off (until never) getting involved with someone to whom you could become genuinely attached.
“Failure to Launch” anyone?
E-QUAIL (V.) ‘ee-kwayl To feel dread upon receiving an email from a hostile or irksome source, and to resist opening it for fear it might contain distressing or irritating news, or increase your workload.
I’ve legitimately ignored emails for days and then claimed I didn’t receive them in the hope that whatever the problem was would just magically disappear.
SUPERPERVISOR (N.) soo-per-‘purv-vyz-ur Supervisor known for making hiring choices based on sex appeal, and/or for making inappropriate overtures to employees.
Any high-ranking executive with a hot assistant automatically falls into this category.
[via USA Today, Wordbirds Tumblr]
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Spaceman Spiff
Now a graduate with a few years of business "experience", Spiff didn't exactly turn into the interplanetary explorer extraordinaire he had hoped to become. Instead, he spends his days as a cynical desk jockey, moonlighting as a Contributing Writer for PGP and marching ever closer to the big 3-0, which has only fueled his transition from quarter-life crisis straight into thrisis.
slamher (N.) A girl you just want to throw down on, like in a game of pogs. I don’t know why I wrote that, it’s pretty self explanatory people.