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Okay, okay, okay. Before we begin with “yas” and “kween” and “everything,” we need to take a good, hard look at model Melissa Molinaro’s wedding dance. If you’re getting married, pretty much everything is choreographed. And the worst fad to come from all of this is the dances the incredibly awkward dance routines that brides and groom do for each other (or worse, force the rest of the wedding attendees to do for the internet in hopes of going viral).
But Melissa Molinaro’s? Uh, wow. At first I was speechless, but then I ran it back and watched it gain with an eye for detail. Seriously, give it a run through. I’ll wait.
Now let’s break this down, piece by piece.
The Bride
Would.
The Groom
Honestly? Kind of awkward. But considering she’s pretty much doing her own Victoria’s Secret-style lap dance routine for him in front of all his loved ones, you’d look like March of the Penguins too. Either way, he’s trying to fast-forward through this routine for two reasons: so he can end the awkwardness and so they can head to the honeymoon suite to make it legit.
The Venue
The venue appears to be something out of The New York Times wedding announcements that are filled with high society and people who are so filthy rich that they have no idea what to do with their money other than blow it on a one day of celebration. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but I am saying that one night’s rent on that wedding venue is easily more than you’ll make this year.
The Dance
I’ve had to make two speeches this year at weddings and both times I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown beforehand. But memorizing a 7-minute long dance routine where I have to be in-sync with back-up dancers? Yeah, no. I don’t care how talented you are – to look that legit while strutting your shit on the dancefloor in front of everyone takes time. A lot of time.
The Videography
Remember when I said that this looked like a Victoria’s Secret-style lapdance? That’s because his has more production value than an actual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. I’ve never seen anything like it, specifically in the wedding realm.
As much as I want to hate this, I can’t. I just can’t. And as much as I will hate myself for saying this, especially in the public eye, I’ll just stop the charade and say it: “Yas, kween.” .
[via YouTube]
Image via YouTube
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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I’m a fan.
Recently married so I’m well aware that the wedding day is the bride’s day (fellas remember that). She should be able to do pretty much whatever she wants without judgement or criticism. Having said that, there are red flags everywhere in that video. Dude should be scared for his life. I’ll set the over/under and 16 months.
Beyoncé sucks.
Ok…I’m married so I’m well aware that the wedding day is the bride’s day (fellas remember that). She should be able to do pretty much whatever she wants without judgement or criticism. Having said that, there are red flags everywhere in that video. Dude should be scared for his life. I’ll set the over/under and 16 months.
Strikes me as one of those things where the marriage is about the wedding, not the wedding being about the marriage. But I don’t know them, so I could be (and hope I am) very, very wrong.
Gross. Dude needs to run like hell. This chick is a spotlight-craving diva who will never put him first.