Meet The Goober Who Allegedly Swindled Half Of Dallas On The Promise Of A Texas Disney World

Looks like this guy is in some shit.

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Per The Dallas Morning News, a local man-child is facing seven counts of wire fraud and one count of making a false statement to the FBI. Allegedly, Thomas W. Lucas, Jr., was selling large tracts of land in northern Texas to investors and pocketing a pretty solid commission. According to the report, between 2006 and 2010, more than 50 investors dropped about $14 million on land Lucas sold to them while working for his uncle’s real estate business. No harm, no foul, right? Well, it turns out that Mr. Lucas sweetened the pot, claiming that Disney Corporation was planning to build another huge theme park on the very same land he was selling. The only problem with this is that it is complete horseshit, and Disney has denied these rumors from the beginning.

Nonetheless, Lucas claims he “had a guy” on the inside at Disney, and even under oath, he refused to give up the name of the person he made up to swindle millionaires. When the FBI questioned Lucas about the identity of his fictional Disney insider, “Lucas gave them the name of a dead man, a Hurricane Katrina transplant with a drug habit who worked odd jobs before committing suicide in 2012. Prosecutors say Lucas met him at a North Texas methadone rehab clinic where the two were receiving treatment.” Classic T-Bone Lucas.

Let’s be real here — white-collar swindling happens. If these people get busted, they take a slap on the wrist, pay a little restitution, a couple fines, and lawyer’s fees, and they’re back at it in a month. After that, it’s a funny thing to bring up at brunch how those pussies can’t handle losing; it’s a real riot at the country club. But that’s when the perpetrator is an attractive person in an expensive suit flashing a million dollar smile. Just look at this fucking mongoloid. They’re gonna throw the book at him just because he looks like Chris Farley after a bender, who still swindled rich dudes out of their money with a blatant, easily verifiable lie.

We all know this guy. He’s the guy blasting cigs at the bar, double-fisting whiskey-Cokes, talking to everyone, and his breath smells like nicotine and chicken wings. He’s harmless. Except for his looks, Lucas fits the mold of a guy who won’t spend a day in jail — his dad is a doctor and his uncle is a successful and possibly complicit commercial real estate broker.

Shouldn’t some of the responsibility lie with the people he swindled? Shouldn’t some of their due diligence have led them to Disney repeatedly denying this tired rumor? Around here, they’ve been talking about this for years and we’re all thrilled it’s not happening. Shouldn’t some of their due diligence have led them to take one look at the guy they’re about to cut a huge check to? If you’re doing multimillion dollar land deals with someone who looks like this shitbag, isn’t there a reasonable expectation that he’s lying right to your fucking face? If Disney was going to build on that land, why the hell would this goober even be selling it in the first place? I’m no millionaire real estate speculator, but that’s where I would’ve started my evaluation.

Lucas is now facing 145 years in prison, which appears to be about three times longer than his life expectancy. T-Bone was just trying to get ahead in the game, and I respect that.

[via Dallas Morning News]

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