Football goes together with beer like peanut butter goes together with jelly; like Jake and Elwood; like Sundays and Scaries. So it should come as no surprise that NFL fans get, well, hammered.
But just as if you were at a freshman dorm party with a bunch of try-hards playing beer pong on the closet door that they unhinged, NFL fans will go toe-to-toe with each other in a pissing contest over who drinks the most. Why? Because inherently, as NFL fans, we’re all trash. Come Sunday at 1 o’clock, we value chicken wings and light beer over the finer things in life. We scream relentlessly at a television when our teams go 3 & out, and we wear sweatpants all day damn well knowing that we’re going to eat so much that our normal pants won’t fit us. It’s heaven.
Well now BACtrack, a smartphone breathalyzer company, has compiled their data into an interactive map that shows which NFL fanbases drink the most. The results? Not all that shocking.
Some takeaways from the above results.
The Fans That Get The Drunkest
1. Buffalo Bills
2. Detroit Lions
3. Philadelphia Eagles
4. Cleveland Browns
5. Arizona Cardinals
The Fans That Stay The Most Sober
1. Cincinnati Bengals
2. Tennessee Titans
3. New Orleans Saints
4. New York Giants
5. Houston Texans
What We Learned Today
Buffalo gets the drunkest, but we all already knew that because every weekend there’s a new video out of a Bills fan doing a beer pong dunk onto a table or jacking off in their car to girls in yoga pants.
Lions fans drink a lot because, well, we’re Lions fans and that’s what we do. Kid Rock once said, “Drink a fifth of Jim Beam and still stand still.” He also says, “Never fake, straight from the Great Lakes,” so you know he’s not lying when he says that he can actually drink a fifth of Jim Beam and still stand still.
Eagles fans are, well, never mind. Just watch this and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
As for Browns and Cardinals fans? I’m not really sure other than the fact that I’m assuming Manziel brings up their BAC while riding the pine, and most Cardinals fans can probably be seen drinking Red Bull-Vodkas around a pool listening to “The Thong Song” every Sunday.
The NFL, man. Gotta love it. .
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