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Football goes together with beer like peanut butter goes together with jelly; like Jake and Elwood; like Sundays and Scaries. So it should come as no surprise that NFL fans get, well, hammered.
But just as if you were at a freshman dorm party with a bunch of try-hards playing beer pong on the closet door that they unhinged, NFL fans will go toe-to-toe with each other in a pissing contest over who drinks the most. Why? Because inherently, as NFL fans, we’re all trash. Come Sunday at 1 o’clock, we value chicken wings and light beer over the finer things in life. We scream relentlessly at a television when our teams go 3 & out, and we wear sweatpants all day damn well knowing that we’re going to eat so much that our normal pants won’t fit us. It’s heaven.
Well now BACtrack, a smartphone breathalyzer company, has compiled their data into an interactive map that shows which NFL fanbases drink the most. The results? Not all that shocking.
Some takeaways from the above results.
The Fans That Get The Drunkest
1. Buffalo Bills
2. Detroit Lions
3. Philadelphia Eagles
4. Cleveland Browns
5. Arizona Cardinals
The Fans That Stay The Most Sober
1. Cincinnati Bengals
2. Tennessee Titans
3. New Orleans Saints
4. New York Giants
5. Houston Texans
What We Learned Today
Buffalo gets the drunkest, but we all already knew that because every weekend there’s a new video out of a Bills fan doing a beer pong dunk onto a table or jacking off in their car to girls in yoga pants.
Lions fans drink a lot because, well, we’re Lions fans and that’s what we do. Kid Rock once said, “Drink a fifth of Jim Beam and still stand still.” He also says, “Never fake, straight from the Great Lakes,” so you know he’s not lying when he says that he can actually drink a fifth of Jim Beam and still stand still.
Eagles fans are, well, never mind. Just watch this and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
As for Browns and Cardinals fans? I’m not really sure other than the fact that I’m assuming Manziel brings up their BAC while riding the pine, and most Cardinals fans can probably be seen drinking Red Bull-Vodkas around a pool listening to “The Thong Song” every Sunday.
The NFL, man. Gotta love it. .
[via BACtrack]
Image via Shutterstock
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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“Come Sunday at 1 o’clock, we value chicken wings and light beer over the finer things in life.”
I thought these were the finest of things in life. Seriously. Am I missing something?
0.069 I dig it Philadelphia…
Happy to see Browns on the list but honestly it’s mostly anger/sadness driven boozing so not really something to be brag about.
Where are the St Louis Rams?
Charts are hard.
300 miles southwest of Chicago, the city you’ve always tried to be.
Try cheering for the Browns and it’s weird how your BAC magically rises. Plus the muni lot is dirtbag heaven.
Nice to see the Bills are #1 at something!
Seriously though, America needs a Beer Olympics competition between Bills, Lions, Browns and Eagles fans. Winner calls for an ambulance.
My Chiefs and I staying remarkably average for the most part…
Just another reason to join the bills mafia bandwagon
The fact that they have the Saints in the bottom 5 invalidates the whole chart/study.
Andrew Luck is certainly doing his part to give Colts fans a drinking problem. Aptly ranked at just below the top 5 teams percentage-wise.