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Reddit user exekcrew, a former male flight attendant for the Dubai-based airline Emirates, recently took to the blog forum to share the story of how an unexpected night of hardcore raging got him fired, hilariously strutting his pride about the power moves he pulled in the process. Through the incredibly detailed, personal responses of his initial AMA (“ask me anything”) post, exekcrew — who did not reveal his identity, but did mention he is from Australia — boasts about how a spontaneous Hangover-esque night out on the town in New York resulted in an overly drawn out termination from the company that included several perks and a month of paid leave.
After going out his first two overnight business trips in Manhattan, exekcrew says he was planning on taking it easy and instead seeing The Lion King on Broadway. But when a coworker friend was in town grieving over having just been dumped, exekcrew had no choice but to drink away feelings with his buddy. One drink led to another, and things got a little out of hand.
After seeing a disappointing standup comedy show from Z-list celebrity Donnell Rawlings (Ashy Larry/”I’m rich, biaaatchhhhhh!” from Chappelle’s Show) and a few obligatory shots of tequila, they decided they were hungry. Without explanation, they suddenly got in the mood for something more exciting than an ordinary hot dog stand.
“Went to get a couple slices of Pizza and started asking random people for cocaine.” Didn’t see that one coming, guy. “We failed.”
Immediately following the failed quest for blow, exekcrew and his friend ripped a few more shots, which is where the quarter-life crisis-worthy poor decision making really kicked in.
“We were completely wasted at this point, so no girls were willing to talk to us, so fuck it, we headed to the strippers. More shots at the strippers and this is where I completely blacked out, and had to get the other crew member to fill me in on the details at a later point. Basically I was pretty much paralysed, couldn’t walk or talk at all.”
From there, he was so fucked up that he had to get carried back to the hotel by his equally blacked out pal, which led to him being dropped on his head.
Long story short: exekcrew woke up in a hospital three days later after losing all of his personal belongings (passport included), earning a contusion on his head, being shocked for having an irregular heartbeat, and being diagnosed with a .291 blood alcohol content level. He ended up staying five days in the hospital as a result of his inability to say “stop.”
(“I knew The Lion King was a better idea. Fuck me.”)
Yeah, I’d say it’s pretty damn-near impossible to not wake up from something like that with at least a little regret, regardless of the circumstances. Even though he had inexcusably missed the flight he was supposed to be working on — knowing that would likely lead to a termination letter from his surprisingly competitive job — this all turned out to be a blessing in disguise for exekcrew.
“To their credit they treated me really well.”
After exekcrew’s unprofessional debacle of what was supposed to be just a few drinks in Manhattan, Emirates hooked him up with five more nights of comped hotel rooms while he waited for his emergency passport to be shipped in from the Australian Embassy. Not to mention, they even threw in a food allowance of $100 per day, which he didn’t mind one bit.
“They told me to wait in the room when I wasn’t out arranging my emergency passport. Fuck that. I went out shopping with the excess money. Beats headphones were the in thing at the time, so went to bestbuy and got a pair of those haha.”
He didn’t stop reaping the benefits there. Once he received his emergency passport, Emirates comped him with a free flight from New York to the airline’s home base in Dubai, and after being informed that the company would be doing an investigation on his shenanigans, received an extra 30 days of paid leave.
“Again, I was told to stay home in case they needed to contact me. Hell no. I knew I would be fired, so I figured I’d make the most of my time left and went out each and every night. The investigation took a whole month and they never contacted me during that time. I was out partying every night, maxing out three credit cards, shouting drinks at the bar etc etc.”
And since he was aware that the UAE could put him in jail if he were both unemployed and in debt, execkrew says that he booked the “next flight out of Dubai on a rival airline” to Japan before they could formally fire him in person.
I’m planning on going to Vegas two weekends from now for a bachelor party. Perhaps I’ll pull a Stu Price by taking a dangerous recreational drug, pulling out my own lateral incisor to prove a point, and marry a hooker with a baby, banking on the notion that my employer might cover the damages I inflicted on myself.
Most people wouldn’t take too much pride in being a male flight attendant, exekcrew, but you own it only like a true international man of mystery could, and I respect the hell out of you for that. You’ve encouraged me to reconsider chasing my passion to become a male nurse. You’re an inspiration to all of us..
[via Reddit]
Image via Shutterstock
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An enthusiastic kid at heart, I'm passionate about properly taking care of my hairline, having an inappropriate amount of DVR series recordings, and pretending to be a beer snob. Still on my quest to find my irresistible lifeguard dream girl who can rock the one-piece bathing suit. Hit me up on MySpace.
Failing to find blow in Manhattan? Damn near impossible.
One of the steps in applying to be a flight attendant for Emirates is sending than an 8×10 headshot. Apparently they don’t have the same discrimination policies in the UAE
.291 is child’s play, regularly see guys coming in with .350-.400+ and twice have seen guys brought in with over .500. Although they both were unconscious.
You’re child’s play