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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co or call the Mailbag hotline at (833) 345-5662 to leave a voicemail and be featured on The Mailbag podcast. All topics welcome.
The Mailbag, a podcast based on this series, is now LIVE on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. It would mean a lot to me if you all would subscribe, rate it five stars, and leave a review for me. This goes a long way in helping us climb the charts and get it in front of more people.
Episode 12, featuring Will deFries, is below.
1. What’s up Dillon? Manny here from LA. So I’m in a bit of a situation. So my buddy from work has been dating this girl for probably about 6 months now, I know both of them pretty well my girlfriend and I go out on double dates with them quite a bit. I can tell he likes her a lot and they are getting pretty serious.
The other day my best friend since kindergarten and I are hanging out at my apartment and he starts telling me about this girl he’s been banging, he pulls up her Instagram and turns out the girl he’s banging is my buddy from works current girlfriend. These guys don’t know each other and have never met. I know my friend isn’t lying about banging her because she’s been sending him nudes and shit and he’s been showing me.
Do I tell my friend from work that his girlfriend is blowing some other dude? Or do I just let it happen and let it self destruct? Thanks for the help guys love the pod.
You’re in a tough spot, but sitting idly by while the situation implodes isn’t the move if you have any respect for this guy.
You have to say something. First of all, you should tell your best friend that the girl he’s sleeping with has a boyfriend, in case he’s unaware. That’s step one. Step two is letting your best friend know you’re about to blow the whistle on the whole thing so he can prepare for any fallout. Step three: Tell your buddy from work that his girlfriend is cheating on him and let him know you’re able to prove it.
When the fuse is lit, take several steps back from the situation and let them handle it.
2. What up
It’s currently 1 am as I’m writing this. I just got off the phone with my sister and her friend. They went to the Auburn UGA game and just called and asked me to come pick them up because they don’t want to pay $160 for an Uber home. They went to the game with no place to stay and no exit strategy. $160 seems like a fair price for being an idiot.
I know it’s family first but I’m here for the weekend and flying out tomorrow (technically today) and pretty much told them tough shit. You’re grown women and should have planned accordingly. Am I wrong for that?
You’re writing me at 1 a.m. because you’ve been stewing over this for a couple hours, haven’t you? The guilt has set in. You feel like shit. You let her down.
Man, you have to pick your sister up. That’s your sister. It’s not just about the $160. If your family or friends reach out to you for help and you’re able to provide it, you have to step up. You should actually relish opportunities like that, not look for ways out of them. So she was a little irresponsible. Big deal.
You owe her one.
3. Hey Dillon,
Question for ya – what’s your stance on when couples should start spending the holidays together? Also any thoughts on best ways to split the time between families would be appreciated.
Thanks!
If you started that calendar year as a couple — meaning you were official on January 1 — you spend the holidays together. Now, obviously this doesn’t apply to every couple, since they all progress differently, but it’s a good guideline to go by. At least 11 months together when Thanksgiving comes around means it’s family time for you both, as a unit.
Visit your family for Thanksgiving and your significant other’s family for Christmas/Hanukkah or whatever it is their family celebrates. Easy.
4. DC,
Gotta a high priority situation to get figured out here, would love to hear your take.
My brother is getting married soon and I have been selected to be best man, very excited but here’s the issue… my brother is marrying a girl I made out with in high school and I’m fairly certain he still doesn’t know, how do I handle this?
Also what are my obligations and privileges as a best man?
Preciate your feedback, keep up the good work on all the pods, love what you’re doin! Also heal that leg up big dog.
A makeout? In high school? Big deal. If you needed to bring this up at any point to get it off your chest, it was when he started dating her. You probably should have back then, but in a lighthearted way. “Man, SARAH?! I made out with her once. No biggie.” Something like that. She could have told him, too.
But dude, it was a makeout. In high school. It’s not like you bumped uglies the weekend before their first date. You don’t need to disclose this, especially now.
Your duties as best man:
– Plan and execute the bachelor party.
– Deliver speech at the rehearsal dinner or reception (hopefully it’s the rehearsal dinner).
– Organize a group gift for the groom.
– Do any favors the groom asks of you.
That’s it.
5. What’s up Dillon, hope everything is going well
So I live in an apartment complex and the people above me our super loud. It sounds like they are constantly stomping around and often wake me up while I’m sleeping. I thought about leaving a note in their mailbox that is nicely written just asking them to be conscious, but I don’t know. I know you had a similar experience so I just wanted to get your advice. What should I do?
Ask yourself this very important question: Are the sounds coming from your upstairs neighbor created by normal, everyday behavior? Are they really “stomping around” or are they actually just walking?
If these sounds fall under the “normal, everyday behavior” category, your problem isn’t with your neighbors. Your problem is with your apartment building and how sound easily travels between walls and floors. If they are stomping, dancing around, or listening to music too loudly, you should definitely leave them a note. But if their sounds are simply from them living in their home, and it’s bothering you, you shouldn’t be living in a dwelling that shares walls, floors, and ceilings with other people..
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
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RogerJDorn
Damn Dillons downstairs neighbor even wrote into the mailbag. Dillon quit stomping around in snow boots man.
What the hell is going on at PGP?
Best man…sounds like you just want an excuse to tell your brother you made out with his soon-to-be-wife. Don’t be that guy. Super weird.
Do not show nudes to another guy. You shouldn’t need to “prove” you’re getting blown by someone. Do not show a girl’s nudes to another guy.
i disagree. spread the nudes at will!
I’ll only answer one this week (sorry folks). As far as holidays with your SO. Spend holidays together if you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level. And by next level I mean having his/her parents start to give you input on your life they know nothing about, trying to have a silent quickie in their high school bedroom without breaking the twin bed, and then being introduced to a bunch of people they used to hook up with in high school when you go out to the bars. It’s great, I really recommend it. Also, your mom will never let you live it down if choose his/her family for your first holiday together
3 – splitting holiday time between you and your significant other’s families is going to up the complexity/drama in your relationship by about 4000% unless both of your families are super cool.
It gets even better when both sets of parents are divorced and remarried, and you’re forced to split time between four sets of parents. Parents expect you to start choosing and your holiday is essentially spent pleasing everyone else instead of getting to enjoy family time.
exactly. the only thing worse than families with divorce is attempting to synch up plans with your parents, your in-laws, your siblings, and your siblings in-laws.
“oh, my brother’s in-laws are doing Christmas Eve, so now mom wants to claim all of Christmas Day, but my mother-in-law usually gets Christmas Day.”
Eventually, you have to start telling people “NO”, which brings in the drama.
Wasn’t this a movie?
Stuff like this makes me v thankful that the immediate families of both my gf and myself live within 30 minutes of each other. Being able to hit multiple holiday gatherings in one or two days is a luxury I don’t take for granted.
This and money are why I fucking hate the holidays. I’m filled with guilt and poor
My fiancé and I already told the fams we are doing thanksgiving and Xmas on our own this year. Gotta keep the expectations low.
speaking as an older sister who’s constantly bailing out their younger sister (who never thinks through her decisions or understands finances) you don’t owe her shit. I mean you should’ve picked her up but she’s a fucking adult and she can take the over-priced uber, its not like she’s stranded. I’m just jealous you can put your foot down, I never can because I’d feel guilty af, and then because I get upset about constantly bailing her out I lecture her on it (she’s 24, an appropriate time to have your shit together) I feel like an asshole. If she has a habit of having you bail her out you 100% don’t owe her this, she needs to start thinking things through.
Info I should’ve added but was tired
She’s 4 years older than me
She had a ride home she denied to go out
Putting my foot down was easy cause it wasn’t a first time thing
I second this–I spent years bailing out my younger brother, and when I finally stopped he got his shit together on his own. Should you have gone that night? Yeah, maybe. But in the long term, putting your foot down might help her get her shit together.
That being said, if this wasn’t part of a pattern of her relying on you to bail her out, but instead a one-off bad choice…then yeah, you owe her.
Apartment guy: move. While you have some leeway with noise complaints for some things (party at 1 AM on a Wednesday), you generally can’t dictate to your neighbor how to walk. I went through the same thing this year, where I got a new upstairs neighbor that walked like an elephant and drove me insane. When he’d wake up at 3 AM to use the bathroom, I could literally follow his footsteps from his bedroom – above mine – to the bathroom, hear the bathroom flush and then his footsteps back to bed. No one is going to be mindful of your noise complaining at 3 AM when they wake up to go to the bathroom and are half asleep.
I moved to a new apartment on the top floor and couldn’t be happier. If you’re this bothered by it, I suggest you do the same.
Came here to suggest the top floor as well. Personally, I won’t ever go back.
Agree with this. Im going through this right now but there is nothing you can really do about it. Buy them a pair of Adidas ultraboosts and you’ll never hear them walk around again.
Guy who knows his coworkers girlfriend is cheating on him, tell your coworker about it but don’t push the issue, if he doesn’t believe you. If you tell him, that’s as far as you should go in that situation. I’d probably avoid telling him who your other friend is for his safety. You should also tell the other friend that she has a boyfriend, just in case he doesn’t know.
I have two friends whose families live multiple states apart (OH and FL). When they got serious (18 months into dating) and had began the “let’s plan our future together” talks they sat down and discussed their family’s respective holiday traditions and split it up like that. One, Thanksgiving was a huge thing and the other Christmas was the big one. So that’s another way to split it up as well. If both families have important traditions for both the major holidays, maybe alternating each year.
Guy feeling guilty about leaving his sister- I would agree with Dillon if she was just dumb and didn’t think. I would disagree with Dillon if she deliberately thought she could use you and knew she should have a plan but just thought “oh well I can make my brother pick me up” without giving any thought whatsoever to your plans.
Guy stuck in the middle of the cheating debacle- what are the odds? I agree with Dillon’s advice.
Best Man- I am a girl and have no experience being best man.
I have some questions about the guy looking at nudes of co-workers. As soon as you found out about that, AKA after one pic, you should no longer be viewing those.
I mean she could’ve covered her face/not included her face. Also trash move sharing nudes downvote me if you will but its a trash move.
Calm down. It’s called verify facts, and now he knows for sure it was her….no big deal
Co-workers girlfriend****