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Here it goes: So I’d like to think I’m a pretty attractive girl, with a pretty good personality, (Everyone says this about themselves, don’t they?) but I’m having trouble in the meeting people/dating department, so I’ve been hardcore swiping lately. I want a guys perspective on tinder, bumble, etc. Like, how can you tell if a guy is actually interested or if they’re just wasting time? Or when do I bring up that I still live at home? (I’m only 23 and paying off student loans, so cut me some slack) Or would it be weird to bring up height before we met up? I’m really tall, like over 6′, so I feel like it would be awkward if I showed up and they’re 5’9″. I know that sounds superficial, but I think they’d feel the same. Any advice on actually meeting up with a guy from tinder? When to stop trying to have a convo when you’re the one carrying it? When is it okay to double text? Basically I want to know everything. Can you tell I’m an over thinker with a little (read: a lot of) anxiety? I know I just threw a lot at you, but it’d be really cool to get your opinion. Also, I’d just like to say that PGP is my favorite way to procrastinate doing actual work at work. Keep it up!!
P.S. rereading this just gave me more anxiety. I think I need a little human interaction and possibly a Xanax.
Yeah it gave me anxiety, too. As an over-thinker myself, I can relate to you on some level, but you really need to start taking things as they come to you. You can’t control every narrative and you’re causing yourself unnecessary stress. Just let good things happen to you.
You’ll know he’s interested when he continues talking to you. When he stops, or when he’s short and detached, he’s becoming uninterested. And if you’re the only one initiating conversation, he’s uninterested. It’s pretty much that simple.
I’m not going to answer every question because I think it feeds into your overthinking thing and I’m not about that. You’ll do just fine. BUT, the height thing, I will address. Look, you’re tall. You’re very tall. You said you’re over 6′ tall, so I’m taking a conservative 6’1″ and calculating your height percentile. The website I used says your height percentile for women, if you’re only 6’1″, is 99.949. Only one in 1,996 women is taller than you. Damn, girl. You tall.
You have to include that in your Bumble/Tinder profile. That’s upfront kind of height. It isn’t day 3 “by the way” height. And it’s not because it’s a reason to be embarrassed. It’s because, like you said, shorts guys beware. It’s not superficial. List your height in your bio and screen the shorties from the jump. P.S. Lots of guys are into that.
I want to come out saying I’ve been a big fan of the site. First I lurked on TFM, gradually migrating to PGP as the articles began to apply more to me. Finally peaking when I decided to create an account to comment. I’m a 26 year old male for reference.
My question for you is if my job makes it impossible for me to be in a relationship. I’m a Merchant Marine, a deck officer to be exact. I drive big ships around the world a la Captain Phillips. I’m gone for roughly 6 months out of the year. Normally I go out for 60-90 days with little to no communication. Followed by being home for about the same amount of time if not longer. I love my job it’s a big part of who I am.
Here’s the bad part though, my last few serious relationships have been ended by my job. Normally, before we get serious I explain to the lady what I do and they think it’s interesting, cool, exciting, whatever. Then after the first 60 days I’m gone they get sick of having a ghost boyfriend. Most of the time they don’t break up with me they just get sad that I’m not there enjoying life with them. I get back from sea and things are great again. It’s a literal rollercoaster of highs and lows as I come and leave. Eventually one time I go out and it happens. They cheat, almost always, it’s a male friend that they replaced me with. I come home to have a “talk”. This past month I thought I had found the “one” but I got home only to empty my stuff out of our apartment into a storage unit. Would any rational girl put up with my lifestyle?
When I read the first sentence of paragraph two I thought you were going to say you’re a stripper or something along those lines. That would have been easier. But man, SIX MONTHS out of the year away with minimal communication? And for two to three months at a time?!
I don’t know what to tell you other than it’s going to take a special kind of person and a special kind of relationship to make it work with this schedule. Lots of trust needs to be happening. It’s also probably tougher to pull off the younger you are. Girls who are around your age typically lead active lifestyles and want the company of others.
It’s probably not a viable career longterm if you want to settle down with someone and do the family thing and all that. Good luck to you.
I know this is a post grad focused website but I’ll sneak in with the technicality of being a high school graduate. I’m super excited for college especially for all the SEC tailgates but the only things that scare me are that I
a) look shockingly young for my age. Like people have asked me while driving if I can drive legally and stuff, but girlfriends of mine in the past have said they dont notice it (probably because they’re attracted to me I’m guessing) but will this hinge my ability with girls at parties or bars because I’ll look like the out of place high school kid/should I do anything to make myself look older?
b) I hate hate hate the taste of beer. I know I suck for this but I just can’t help it. I have no issue with drinking at all and won’t party without it but just not beer. I don’t know why but it just doesn’t appeal to me and I generally don’t enjoy the taste. Is there anything I can do to make it more enjoyable or should I struggle and fake my way through?
Any response appreciated
A religious reader
a) Own that shit. Bill yourself as the young looking guy who fucks. Or whatever. You’re a late bloomer and that’s fine, so be patient and use it to your advantage in the meantime.
b) That’s weird. You’re 100% going to like it eventually but there’s nothing wrong with bringing your own stash to the party. Beer will be available at every college party you attend so it would behoove you to learn to like it.
I have been dealing with loss of friendships and loss of life of a couple of my high school friends now that I am getting to my mid-20s. I think I am doing okay about it in the meantime. I know we talk a lot on the site about partying and good times and making fun of things, but what advice do you have to deal with loss like this?
loss and life
I don’t have a good response for you but I know some commenters are going to share some solid advice with you because that’s what they do. I’m sorry to hear it, though.
I have a predicament on my hands that I feel your wisdom would be much appreciated on. I recently started dating this guy, he’s the entire package that I’ve been looking for, great job, brunch expert, dog loving, etc. This is where my problem is, I’m moving 5 hours away for law school in a month and I’m feeling a lot of pressure from my boyfriend. To preface this I’m 22 and he’s 27 so when I finish law school he’s going to be pushing 30. And while I’m super serious in our relationship, I do realize that even 5 years puts us in different blocks of life considering I just graduated undergrad and he doesn’t drink 7/7 days of the week anymore.
Back to my boyfriend issue, the other day we went out for a happy hour and he started talking about how if he’s in this relationship he’s in it and after 2.5 years apart he’ll be ready for bigger moves; i.e. we’d be on a marriage track. Like I said, we’re a relatively new relationship and while the honeymoon phase is over I was still flattered and totally had the heart emoji face the entire conversation…it wasn’t until later that I solitarily pooped my pants about the situation. So this is my question: is it crazy to do long distance? Especially when at the end of the proposed long distance there might be a proposal near in my future?
I laughed at “brunch expert.” We get it; you’re white.
I’m pretty outspoken about thinking people shouldn’t get married until their late-20s at the earliest. I just don’t believe you should make that level of commitment to someone until you’ve experienced some shit at this phase of your life — people, places, jobs, etc. You’re changing and figuring it all out and having a blast. A husband/wife can derail or, at the very least, hinder all that. That’s just one (divorced) guy’s opinion, though.
Long distance relationships are fine as long as that’s the person you are certain will be a longterm partner for you. Looking back on three years wasted on a long distance relationship because you’re now apart is a shit feeling that I wish on no one.
I know it’s not what you want to hear and you likely will not follow this advice, but I’d end it before you move away. Five hours away is just too far to make regular trips and things that were once easy will start to become difficult. Unless, of course, you can’t imagine life without him, then you’ll find a way to make it work. I want you to take this journey alone, though. For me, but for you.
So I’m kind of in a unique situation here. I have this podcast that I co-host with two other guys, and week after week, we receive voicemails from our listeners. There’s a trend that’s recently popped up where people keep calling and wondering if I am going to propose to my girlfriend. It’s put me in an uncomfortable situation and I’m not really sure how to process or handle all of it. Do you have any advice for me?
Anonymous Podcast Guy
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.