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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dillon,
Here it goes: So I’d like to think I’m a pretty attractive girl, with a pretty good personality, (Everyone says this about themselves, don’t they?) but I’m having trouble in the meeting people/dating department, so I’ve been hardcore swiping lately. I want a guys perspective on tinder, bumble, etc. Like, how can you tell if a guy is actually interested or if they’re just wasting time? Or when do I bring up that I still live at home? (I’m only 23 and paying off student loans, so cut me some slack) Or would it be weird to bring up height before we met up? I’m really tall, like over 6′, so I feel like it would be awkward if I showed up and they’re 5’9″. I know that sounds superficial, but I think they’d feel the same. Any advice on actually meeting up with a guy from tinder? When to stop trying to have a convo when you’re the one carrying it? When is it okay to double text? Basically I want to know everything. Can you tell I’m an over thinker with a little (read: a lot of) anxiety? I know I just threw a lot at you, but it’d be really cool to get your opinion. Also, I’d just like to say that PGP is my favorite way to procrastinate doing actual work at work. Keep it up!!
P.S. rereading this just gave me more anxiety. I think I need a little human interaction and possibly a Xanax.
Yeah it gave me anxiety, too. As an over-thinker myself, I can relate to you on some level, but you really need to start taking things as they come to you. You can’t control every narrative and you’re causing yourself unnecessary stress. Just let good things happen to you.
You’ll know he’s interested when he continues talking to you. When he stops, or when he’s short and detached, he’s becoming uninterested. And if you’re the only one initiating conversation, he’s uninterested. It’s pretty much that simple.
I’m not going to answer every question because I think it feeds into your overthinking thing and I’m not about that. You’ll do just fine. BUT, the height thing, I will address. Look, you’re tall. You’re very tall. You said you’re over 6′ tall, so I’m taking a conservative 6’1″ and calculating your height percentile. The website I used says your height percentile for women, if you’re only 6’1″, is 99.949. Only one in 1,996 women is taller than you. Damn, girl. You tall.
You have to include that in your Bumble/Tinder profile. That’s upfront kind of height. It isn’t day 3 “by the way” height. And it’s not because it’s a reason to be embarrassed. It’s because, like you said, shorts guys beware. It’s not superficial. List your height in your bio and screen the shorties from the jump. P.S. Lots of guys are into that.
Dear Dillon,
I want to come out saying I’ve been a big fan of the site. First I lurked on TFM, gradually migrating to PGP as the articles began to apply more to me. Finally peaking when I decided to create an account to comment. I’m a 26 year old male for reference.
My question for you is if my job makes it impossible for me to be in a relationship. I’m a Merchant Marine, a deck officer to be exact. I drive big ships around the world a la Captain Phillips. I’m gone for roughly 6 months out of the year. Normally I go out for 60-90 days with little to no communication. Followed by being home for about the same amount of time if not longer. I love my job it’s a big part of who I am.
Here’s the bad part though, my last few serious relationships have been ended by my job. Normally, before we get serious I explain to the lady what I do and they think it’s interesting, cool, exciting, whatever. Then after the first 60 days I’m gone they get sick of having a ghost boyfriend. Most of the time they don’t break up with me they just get sad that I’m not there enjoying life with them. I get back from sea and things are great again. It’s a literal rollercoaster of highs and lows as I come and leave. Eventually one time I go out and it happens. They cheat, almost always, it’s a male friend that they replaced me with. I come home to have a “talk”. This past month I thought I had found the “one” but I got home only to empty my stuff out of our apartment into a storage unit. Would any rational girl put up with my lifestyle?
When I read the first sentence of paragraph two I thought you were going to say you’re a stripper or something along those lines. That would have been easier. But man, SIX MONTHS out of the year away with minimal communication? And for two to three months at a time?!
I don’t know what to tell you other than it’s going to take a special kind of person and a special kind of relationship to make it work with this schedule. Lots of trust needs to be happening. It’s also probably tougher to pull off the younger you are. Girls who are around your age typically lead active lifestyles and want the company of others.
It’s probably not a viable career longterm if you want to settle down with someone and do the family thing and all that. Good luck to you.
Dillon,
I know this is a post grad focused website but I’ll sneak in with the technicality of being a high school graduate. I’m super excited for college especially for all the SEC tailgates but the only things that scare me are that I
a) look shockingly young for my age. Like people have asked me while driving if I can drive legally and stuff, but girlfriends of mine in the past have said they dont notice it (probably because they’re attracted to me I’m guessing) but will this hinge my ability with girls at parties or bars because I’ll look like the out of place high school kid/should I do anything to make myself look older?
b) I hate hate hate the taste of beer. I know I suck for this but I just can’t help it. I have no issue with drinking at all and won’t party without it but just not beer. I don’t know why but it just doesn’t appeal to me and I generally don’t enjoy the taste. Is there anything I can do to make it more enjoyable or should I struggle and fake my way through?
Any response appreciated
A religious reader
a) Own that shit. Bill yourself as the young looking guy who fucks. Or whatever. You’re a late bloomer and that’s fine, so be patient and use it to your advantage in the meantime.
b) That’s weird. You’re 100% going to like it eventually but there’s nothing wrong with bringing your own stash to the party. Beer will be available at every college party you attend so it would behoove you to learn to like it.
Hi Dillon,
I have been dealing with loss of friendships and loss of life of a couple of my high school friends now that I am getting to my mid-20s. I think I am doing okay about it in the meantime. I know we talk a lot on the site about partying and good times and making fun of things, but what advice do you have to deal with loss like this?
Sincerely,
loss and life
I don’t have a good response for you but I know some commenters are going to share some solid advice with you because that’s what they do. I’m sorry to hear it, though.
Hey Dillon,
I have a predicament on my hands that I feel your wisdom would be much appreciated on. I recently started dating this guy, he’s the entire package that I’ve been looking for, great job, brunch expert, dog loving, etc. This is where my problem is, I’m moving 5 hours away for law school in a month and I’m feeling a lot of pressure from my boyfriend. To preface this I’m 22 and he’s 27 so when I finish law school he’s going to be pushing 30. And while I’m super serious in our relationship, I do realize that even 5 years puts us in different blocks of life considering I just graduated undergrad and he doesn’t drink 7/7 days of the week anymore.
Back to my boyfriend issue, the other day we went out for a happy hour and he started talking about how if he’s in this relationship he’s in it and after 2.5 years apart he’ll be ready for bigger moves; i.e. we’d be on a marriage track. Like I said, we’re a relatively new relationship and while the honeymoon phase is over I was still flattered and totally had the heart emoji face the entire conversation…it wasn’t until later that I solitarily pooped my pants about the situation. So this is my question: is it crazy to do long distance? Especially when at the end of the proposed long distance there might be a proposal near in my future?
Sincerely,
Jackie
I laughed at “brunch expert.” We get it; you’re white.
I’m pretty outspoken about thinking people shouldn’t get married until their late-20s at the earliest. I just don’t believe you should make that level of commitment to someone until you’ve experienced some shit at this phase of your life — people, places, jobs, etc. You’re changing and figuring it all out and having a blast. A husband/wife can derail or, at the very least, hinder all that. That’s just one (divorced) guy’s opinion, though.
Long distance relationships are fine as long as that’s the person you are certain will be a longterm partner for you. Looking back on three years wasted on a long distance relationship because you’re now apart is a shit feeling that I wish on no one.
I know it’s not what you want to hear and you likely will not follow this advice, but I’d end it before you move away. Five hours away is just too far to make regular trips and things that were once easy will start to become difficult. Unless, of course, you can’t imagine life without him, then you’ll find a way to make it work. I want you to take this journey alone, though. For me, but for you.
Hey Dillon,
So I’m kind of in a unique situation here. I have this podcast that I co-host with two other guys, and week after week, we receive voicemails from our listeners. There’s a trend that’s recently popped up where people keep calling and wondering if I am going to propose to my girlfriend. It’s put me in an uncomfortable situation and I’m not really sure how to process or handle all of it. Do you have any advice for me?
Sincerely,
Anonymous Podcast Guy
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
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RogerJDorn
Podcast guy, if you don’t propose within a few weeks, you’ll be single
I get paid over 95 dollar per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over 10k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless.
This is what I do… >>Click Here And start work<<
Go this web and start your work.. Good luck
True story, I found my wife by sorting my OkCupid results by height from tallest to shortest.
For the tall girl on the dating apps, 100% just include your height in your bio, gets that problem out of the way right away. I’m an average height dude and it really helps to know how tall the girl I’m going to go on a date with is, and makes me way more likely to go when I know what it is.
Also, for dating app users, if you match with somebody don’t waste a bunch of time trying to get to know somebody on the app. Cut to the chase that you guys should get drinks and see if you have any chemistry in person, its the only way to really know anyway. The longer you wait the more likely it is that they are finding somebody else to go on that date with.
And for the high schooler, you’re about to drink so much beer you’ll learn to like it. Embrace it, have fun out there.
My bumble profile says 6’3 and above girls only. Just because I’m 5’10, with hands small than Trumps, doesn’t mean I can’t father the next Larry Bird.
I like your style
Highschool kid start with keystone light barely has a taste anyways. Also all of the SEC schools that I’ve been to have decent craft breweries with beer that doesn’t have a “traditional beer taste” try a bunch of types of beer and you’ll probably end up finding one you like, or become a cider guy.
Not that any of this matters until you’re 21, teen drinking is very bad
Don’t be the cider guy at your college parties though. Your friends are going to want to buy kegs, racks, and handles, especially when none of you are 21, not a 6 pack of Angry Orchard.
When you turn 21 is when you can learn to like craft beer because you’ll occasionally feel compelled to get one now that you can actually buy them.
Include your height but don’t say anything about ‘6’+ only’ or anything. I hate seeing that, especially from like 5’2 girls. I’m over 6′ and it still irritates me.
i’m 5’8 and these short girls need to stop taking away the tall man dating pool from me lol
Sup?
We are the same height and have the same life philosophy. How is it that my 5″1 friends date guys at least a foot taller than them and all my exes are 5″9? Is this a thing? Should we start a club?
i think we should. you can bring the cheese plates!
Maybe tall guys love shorties. Sincerely, tall guy dating a short girl.
I completely agree with this. Science says we don’t really know what we are looking for anyways, and many people wind up with somebody outside of their described preferences.
I don’t particularly care about a woman’s height unless she can dunk on me. Then we have an issue.
5’8. sup
@NapWhore: Your username gives me life
Aye sup
@tallchick I’m 6’4 and need a coed doubles partner for beach vb if you’re into that
Brews on me after we win
Tall chick here. I’m not in my athletic prime anymore (PGP, right?), but if we are miraculously in the same city you’ve got yourself a partner.
Making magic over here
Also, name checks out.
Hope you’re close to Columbus, OH
Not too far actually, but not close enough unfortunately
You can find me on the Columbus PGP Reddit thread
Avatar checks out
To the girl going to law school, law school is a jealous mistress (mister in your case?) and will continuously come between you and your boyfriend.
But in all seriousness maintaining a long distance relationship in law school is tough most of my class came into school in relationships and left single. On the up side if you’re able to stay with your boyfriend through 3 years of law school your relationship will be able to stand the test of time.
Solid username.
Substantial Performance?
Can confirm, but from the opposite side. I was the long distance girlfriend with the boyfriend in law school in a different city. It definitely won’t work if you two aren’t gaga over each other. And even then, it still may not work. BUT, in my experience, if we’d broken up before I think I always would have wondered if we could have made it work. The solid confirmation that it 100% wouldn’t work was helpful for the moving on process.
This has quickly become my second favorite column on this site. After Dude’s Breakdown of the Bachelor/Bachelorette, of course. I learn so much.
Glad to hear that
Loss guy: find a therapist that does EMDR. I mentioned this on another article, but EMDR is amazing for treating psychological trauma, PTSD and other issues.
And PTSD isn’t exclusive to having a roadside bomb blow up in front of you in Iraq; you can get it from a sudden loss of a loved one.
Genuinely surprised at the astonishingly low amount of “Sup?” to tall chick. As a guy who’s 6’5″ good looking girls 5’8″+ are worth their weight in gold.
5’10″checking in. Sup? x2
5’8″ echoing the sup x2
Right? I’m 6’3, and I wish I met more taller chicks.
Big fan of tall girls in general. I’m 6′, my GF is 6’1″. I look like the man when I walk into every room, every time