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It’s certainly a great time to be a fitness buff, with all sorts of wearable technology like FitBit, JawBone, Nike Fuel Band and Apple’s latest foray into the “expensive crap you don’t need” market, the Apple Watch, which can track anything and everything you do and route it to your smartphone. You can track calories burned, steps walked, even how well you’re sleeping. Now, that’s all well and good, but how about fat, lazy fucks like me who are so exhausted after work and commuting on the subway, they just want to collapse on the couch, order some chicken fingers on seamless and watch Entourage with their best friend’s parents’ HBO Go password? What if I want to track how much I’m NOT doing?
Well, Kmart, a big box store for big, boxy people, and Joe Boxer, an industry leader in comfortable clothing, are tapping into this lazy bastard market by releasing something that tracks just how slothlike and lethargic you really are. The two brands are bringing you the “Inactivity Tracker,” a device that notes the progress of your sedentary, torpid lifestyle. Find out if you’re a “Couch Commander,” “Cryogenic,” or just plain catatonic.
And to promote this product, which comes free with the purchase of “select Joe Boxer pajamas” at the Kmart in Lower Manhattan, the companies created possibly the most brilliant and simultaneously laziest commercial of all time: Two dudes in pajamas, sitting in recliner chairs, doing nothing for an hour. WITH play-by-play commentary. A whole hour. Watch the whole thing. It’s an hour you were never gonna get back anyway, might as well stick it to your respective vengeful deity by wasting it on this video.
The Joe Boxer Lounge Games. Finally, a sport I might actually excel in! Ah, who am I kidding, I’ll probably suck as badly at that as I do everything else..
[via Fast Company]
Image via Kmart
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I don’t need a tracker to tell me how little physical activity I’m doing. My developing moobs are great indicators.
Fuck them