======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
As someone who spent more than his fair share of his single life in the dating app era, I’d like to say I’ve seen it all. The evolution of ghosting and sexting. Messaging etiquette and the evolution of apps like Bumble and Hinge to give the ladies more agency (read, less chance of encountering an unwanted dick pic). But no sooner do I bow out of the game than everything goes to shit.
It appears that there are two, brand-new trends that men far worse than myself have engaged in. Yes, it seems some of my fellow dudes aren’t content with the more honorable practice of embellishing all your personal accomplishments, getting drinks, and subtly implanting the idea in her mind that you two should see how your physical chemistry is on the first date. Instead, you monsters have reduced this once-proud franchise into a cesspool I’m glad to no longer be associated with. At least until my girlfriend finds the flaw that is one too many, in which case I’ll likely jump right back into the depths of this awfulness.
The first new trend I learned of recently is “kittenfishing.” Adorable as it may sound, kittenfishing is the light version of catfishing. Instead of creating a profile for a person who does not exist or just pretending to be someone else on an app, “kittenfishing can be as simple as using profile photos that are out-of-date or heavily edited…[o]r it can be more severe, like straight-up lying about your age, height, interests or accomplishments.”
Now at least catfishers have the slightly more respectable position of doing what they’re doing for the lols, and not trying to cause long-term harm. At the end of the day, catfishers are just trolls trying to get a rise out of strangers. A dick move, sure, but the harm is relatively short-lived once their prey realizes they aren’t actually talking to Bella Thorne.
On the other hand, kittenfishing has the potential for some lasting consequences. You meet someone from the app, thinking that they’re a certain person. When you meet them IRL, they might be a little different than you imagined, but tell yourself that you probably built them up in your head. Next thing you know, it’s four months later and she reveals to you that she’s actually 38 and divorced, and her ex-husband is in the Hell’s Angels.
Look, we all lie on our dating apps to make ourselves seem more impressive. If you’re not trying to put your best pictures on the app, editing your profile to be as witty and cool as possible, you’re doing it wrong. But there’s a fine line between acceptable embellishment and outright lies. Your blind date should be able to recognize you from your photo when he meets you without visibly flinching. She should know your real age, occupation, height, marital status (you married guys on dating apps just all seem like the biggest creeps), where you primarily live and work, and what level of relationship you’re looking for.
Exaggerating interests and accomplishments is permitted, otherwise, every girl I’ve ever gone out with would never see me again once she asks me what I think about the Bachelor. But it must be within reason. If you’re a die-hard Red Sox fan, you can’t hold that in lest you end up liking a girl who grew up in the Bronx and wants to take you for a game. The same tactic should be taken with regards to your job, if you’re devoutly religious, if you’re married, or any information about you a simple Google search will turn up. You don’t necessarily have to put your flaws out there in the open, but you can’t paint them over and pretend they didn’t happen.
In short, don’t lie about the shit that matters. Beyond those basics, your date will clue you in on what stuff is important for you to address, and what sorts of things he doesn’t care about. Kittenfishing is not cool, and if you’re too insecure to be yourself in front of strangers who are largely judging you based on your first photo, re-evaluate if you’re ready to be dating.
Now, I thought that was pretty despicable, taking lying on your dating profile to a whole new level. But then I heard the term “pigging.” If you are unfamiliar, sit down far away from anything that you might break in anger.
Pigging, or “pulling the pig,” is a “game that sees a man try to woo a woman they deem ‘fat and ugly’, solely because he and his deplorable friends think it is ‘funny.’”’ In some circles, the group will even crown a “winner:” the guy who attracts the “ugliest” one. There may even be a cash wager for the said winner.
Honest to Christ I wish I was making this all up. I really do. But apparently, this is a horrific extension of the practice of “benching,” or keeping a match on the hook even though you aren’t really attracted to her just for the sake of having someone to hook up with. Full disclosure, I’ve benched girls and I know I’ve been on girls benches. I’m not proud of this, and it was an awful experience being benched. But pigging is just vile.
There is something seriously wrong with you, male or female, if you match with someone you are definitely not attracted to, continue to engage with them over text, and ask them to meet knowing you won’t show up. Or meeting them for the sole purpose of laughing at them with your friends. That is cruelty for its own sake.
For the love of God, be decent human beings. If you match with someone you’re not totally attracted to, unmatch them, don’t respond to their messages, block them, whatever. If you were slightly attracted to them at the start or want to give them a chance for some reason, that’s fair too. But when you know that there just is no attraction to a guy or girl, whenever that is, move on. You can let them down gently, lie to them, ghost, I don’t care. Anything is better than humiliating them for the sake of your sick game.
If you were unaware that pigging and kittenfishing were things, I commend you. If you are a participant in these practices, stop now. Stop now, go to your nearest Catholic Church (regardless of your religion), and go straight to confession so a priest can tell you how many prayers you need to say to gain forgiveness. Or, at the very least, you’ll get to hear the disappointment in his voice and realize that you made a man of the cloth call you a “rotten little shit” after you’ve left. .
[via the Telegraph and the Independent]
Respond
@joshetyler
@joshetyler
It’s a trash world full of trash people, folks. Really shouldn’t be that hard to just not be a complete piece of shit when trying to get a date and/or get laid.
this world is… trrrrraassssshhhhhh
I think that facebook, tinder, etc have served to dehumanize everyone around us. Instead of thinking, we are shown the lives of others (not their real lives though), which leads to dissonance between the observed and reality. People have absurd expectations of what dating SHOULD be and get caught up in trying to find an experience they can blog about instead of a person to share their time with, which feeds back into itself as people are presented with (read the blog) and participate in “the game”.
Additionally, the ways people are finding each other seem very surface level. For example, how much do people think before they swipe? I’ll offer this. It’s been stuck in my head since I read it. Sonder: n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
Who knows maybe my constant existential crisis of a life has just made me a cynical and jaded old grouch who just wants to drink wine and watch peaky blinders.
Well considering the stories in the weekend mailbag that Will goes through, I’m not surprised by how many trash people there are tbh.
Am I kittenfishing prospective employers by having a LinkedIn profile pic of me from 10 years and 25 lbs ago??
Pigging isn’t new. It was called hogging when I was in college, and you actually were supposed to sleep with (or other physical acts) the person. There was mocking, but never in front of the person, just amongst the friends. Note that I was too busy failing to score with girls I was actually attracted to to partake in this game, but it was out there or at least talked about.
I have been contemplating jumping back into the world of dating or joining some kind of app. This convinced me that dating is cancelled for my foreseeable future.
Sup
“Pigging” is nothing new, especially since It’s Always Sunny covered it for Dee and Charlie. Kittenfishing might be new(ish), although I doubt it for guys, but let’s not pretend girls aren’t using pictures from their prime, the right angles, and no body shots. When you show up and you barely recognize the person, that’s just trash on their part, no matter their gender.
I have heard of the same practice, but called “hogging”.
I’ve seen it as not always “fat and ugly” but just ugly, so it was always fat or ugly as a pig.
If she takes all up close profile pics and no full body pics in her profile, you’re being kittenfished.
Weird angles in the profile pics can also qualify. Little trick I learned, look at the girl’s arms. She can angle her face and cleavage to make her look more svelte, but arms will tell you all you need to know about her actual figure.
I learned from experience.
Also if he/she is always in a group photo and you can’t tell which one they are (this is the exception obviously), they are always the least attractive friend.
As someone fresh out of a relationship, I’m trying to take time to myself before I jump back in the pool again. BUT I’m also very reluctant to get back on apps, even if I was at a place where I felt emotionally and mentally ready to put myself back out there again.
I did apps for years and had two relationships out of them, but they can be brutal. And now apparently guys can tell if I’ve packed on the holiday weight based on a selfie? Uhh, bye. Putting up photos for strangers to judge on the internet has lost all appeal.
I think you’re missing the point of someone intentionally trying to mislead aka LIE to someone else about their appearance, you know, like a liar would.
Really looking forward to WW3, guys…or an alien invasion. Oh, not because people are absolute stink ass trash but mainly because I just don’t feel like going to work anymore. But seriously though, people are a god damn landfill of waste lol
I guess I get where you’re coming from in regards to kittenfishing, but I think you take it to far. If you put all the stuff you love/hate in your profile it’d be a mile long and that looks just as bad as leaving it empty. Your profile should highlight enough positive stuff about you to get their interest. I’m not saying you should lie about yourself, but rather just omit certain minor details that will seem unfavorable when presented without the proper context.
We called pigging whaling at my college, we were Maritime themed, the winner was normally called Capt Ahab for a while
Here I thought to myself, I should join a dating app…certainly not now.