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Last weekend, I attended (yet another) close friend’s wedding with a large group of friends. It was a beautiful Saturday evening, and everyone and everything looked amazing. The liquor was flowing and the hors d’oeuvres were a plenty. Some of the best bacon wrapped scallops I’ve ever had. The above average speeches wrapped up, first dances were had, and then it was the moment that I had been waiting for – the dance floor was opened for all wedding guests.
As Flo Rida welcomed us to his house, my friends and I bounced up, eager to shake out all of the day’s emotions. After three songs, my dance fever broke a little. I looked around and I was quickly stunned. We were the only ones on the dance floor: everyone else was at their seats. These people were willingly sitting on their asses, being Sour Sallies and Bitter Bobbies, just staring aimlessly at the dance floor.
The situation was not a rare event. Too often I’ve come across people who refuse to dance in a social setting, which is something I never will understand. Am I good dancer? That’s up for debate. However, I sure as shit am not going to sit on my ass or stand around all night. When I hear a beat, I feel a beat. The rhythm gets into my soul and the only way for me to let it out is to move. Drunk or sober – it doesn’t matter. (It’s probably better a little less than sober.) I’m out there, giving the dance floor my all. Dancing is an art; it’s an ancient form of expression; and most of all, it’s a way to celebrate. Dammit, I’m going to celebrate; I’m going to ‘Dance in the Moonlight,’ ‘Dance in the Dark’ and ‘Dance the Night Away,’ and I want to as many people as possible to do it with me.
Now, the majority of people whine, “I can’t dance”, but I’m calling your bullshit right now. I’m here to say that you can dance. Anyone can dance – it’s easy. Can you count to four? Of course you can, you made it through school. Can you move your hips back and forth or side to side? Yeah, you can, you’ve (probably) gotten laid at least once. But in all seriousness… Have you ever sneezed? Did you cover said sneeze with your arm like a civilized human? Yes, you did. (If you answered ‘no’, please pause, and go wash your hands.) Well, I’ve got breaking news for you, friend; you just did The Dab. If you know your right from your left, if you can move your head, if you can tap your feet and shake your ass, you can dance. Enough with the excuses.
It’s this author’s humble opinion that there should be a small fee to pay if you show up to any wedding, party, or bar and take an anti-dancing stance; at the very least, you should just move the fuck down the road to Loserville. What is your problem? How can you actually stand there and not move your shoulders and not point to neither a window nor a wall when Lil Jon starts blasting through the speakers? Are you a complete psychopath, who does not enjoy wiggling your ass and shaking your left arm back and forth to “Single Ladies?” Most of all, do you really feel that you’re too good for “Shout?”
I’ve had enough with you non-dancing people. Get over it, and get over yourselves. By the looks on most of your faces, you need to loosen up. The great James Brown once said, “Get up offa that thing, and dance ‘til you feel better.” So sway, spin, and shake a bit. Maybe throw in a little twist and a tap and a shimmy. Hell, throw in a bump or a grind. Trust me, you’re going to feel a lot better..