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This holiday season (and it is the holiday season now. Halloween, take your fake holiday ass home. Welcome to the fuckin’ show), it’s important that you make as much time as possible for your friends and family. That’s what the holidays are all about. Time well spent with the people who matter the most to you.
Friendsgiving has roared onto the scene in the last five years like BBMak in the late 90s. Outta goddamn nowhere, without any apologies and I can’t get enough of it.
Given the current weather and low daylight conditions of late fall, spending time with friends has never been more important. It’s important to be socially active, and drunk for a large portion of fall and winter months. A couple of weekends on the couch can turn into a full blown hibernation and you don’t want no part of that shit. Weight gain, house in total disarray, unkempt pubis. You’re gonna be dealing with a world of hurt come January if you don’t get a handle on this right now. I’m coming from a place of love here.
So, set up a dang Facebook event, look up some recipes online, flex some culinary muscle and plan on getting absolutely shithoused on Kendall Jackson for one night with some dear friends. I’m talking about Friendsgiving, folks.
No one, and I mean NO ONE, does Thanksgiving recipes better than Gordon Ramsay. Look up any of his turkey recipes and pass it around in your group texts until someone volunteers to cook it. Whomever is the best cook should be in charge of the turkey because it is the easiest thing to fuck up. The last thing you want to do is give your friends salmonella or worms or just serve them food that sucks. But let’s be honest here, I’d much rather get salmonella or e. coli instead of eating shitty food because the former is gonna help you shed some excess weight around the holidays. “Hey Bri! Looking good! You been working out?” “Nah, just been having tons of diarrhea.” So, don’t be a hero. Volunteer to bring sides.
No joke, the best Friendsgiving I ever went to was hosted by none other than Producer Micah. Cooked a great bird, gave a heartfelt, yet longwinded (for my taste) speech if I remember correctly. I was pretty hammered.
Cover the bases. Green bean casserole, stuffing, sweet potato pie, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes. Don’t get all crazy on me with bok choy walnut salad (that actually sounds fresh as hell, but maybe holster that for spring), and stick with the basics. Once the greens, beans, patatas, tomatas are taken care of, then start kicking shit up a notch. Baked mac and cheese, brussel sprouts (the most underrated roasting veggie in the game right now), desserts and exotic stuffings. I brought the house down at family thanksgiving last year with a chorizo/jalapeno/puff pastry stuffing. You can damn well guarantee that thing is making its comeback in 2017. The best things in life are sides.
Do not divide and conquer. If you’re coming to Friendsgiving, you’re bringing booze. I don’t care what else you’re bringing. A veggie tray and slutty brownies aren’t gonna cut it. What good is stuffing my face with three thousand calories if I can’t slosh another thousand calories of hooch on top of it? Calories don’t count when you’re among friends. We hungry.
Seating, seating, seating. If you’re carrying less than 1000 sq. feet, sorry. DQ’d. Pick up some ice on your way over. Space is the only thing that matters here. Nothing worse than cramming everyone into a cramped ass 2B/1B with insufficient seating options and limited countertop space. That’s a recipe for a disaster and you will be begging for relief the moment you realize your cozy apartment is shockingly not built for 15+ drunk people. People with houses should host. Surface area is the only thing that matters here. 20+ bottles of pinot, tons of sides, a 16-pound dead bird and a rogue bottle of Fireball gotta fit in somewhere.
Now, go forth. Friendsgiving is truly the best. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Get dressed up to get messed up. Turtleneck season. Enjoy..