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Some people will tell you that if you stop getting assignments at work that it means that you’re more than likely on your way to getting fired.
But what about the people of the working world who are simply afterthoughts in their office? I’m talking, of course, about the Miltons. And maybe that’s you. It’s certainly been me before.
And while the day does seem to go by exponentially faster when there is actual work to be done, I have to say that I love being the office afterthought. Never having responsibilities or deadlines because you’re so far down the totem pole that other people in your office have literally forgotten you work there is a blessing.
If the internet restrictions are particularly lax, I’m guessing there are people reading this who actually watch Netflix in their cube. People who take two or three bathroom breaks an hour and spend more time they should shooting the shit with office buddies about their stupid fucking fantasy football teams.
I mention how good it is to be an afterthought because I’ve been knee-deep in paperwork for the past few weeks. I’m looking in the rearview at my time spent as an afterthought right now. I’ve just been absolutely buried.
For the first time in a long time, I find myself working for a majority of the day, and you know what? It really fucking sucks. Working is awful. There, I said it. I’m no longer afraid to go there.
I know I sound like a worse version of those HBO commercials for Bill Simmons’ failed talk show. I know that this sounds like a psychotic complaint.
“Wait, John. Hold on a second. So you’re telling me that you’re pissed off because you’ve been having to actually do work at your place of work all day? The place where they pay you money to do exactly what you’re bitching about doing?”
Yes. That is exactly what I’m telling you. Never have I held a job before my current one where breaks aren’t exactly discouraged, but they are certainly frowned upon. It’s almost as if my boss expects me to come in at 8:00 a.m., stay until 5 or 6:00 p.m., and show him proof that I’m doing the job he hired me to do. I thought this was America. I thought this was the land of snaking it until you make it.
I’m expected to be at my desk all day long plugging away on dual monitors and not reading about how Birkenstocks with socks are the latest fashion trend sweeping runways in Milan and Paris. I’m told to e-mail higher-ups with updates on where I’m at on various projects rather than scrolling Twitter and Instagram for dank memes.
I don’t have time to get up from my desk for hours on end. I’m fast-walking like a mother of two in a suburban mall to the Keurig in the office break room to grab another cup of Cafe Bustelo. I’m eating my lunch at my desk while I continue pounding away on my keyboard. It’s fucking ridiculous.
Do people actually live their lives like this? I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that people don’t take fun internet breaks to read hilarious articles.
Do I really have to expect that for the next thirty odd years I’ll have to actually work while I’m at work? Doesn’t seem like very much fun in my honest opinion. As a millennial, this is not what I signed up for when I entered the workplace. .
Image via Unsplash
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
Telling you from experience, being the after thought loses its appeal real quickly. It sucks when you’re sitting around for hours doing nothing and you can’t leave.
I agree. A slow day every once and a while is nice, but it can be more boring just sitting there
Honestly At this point I think you’re just trolling us
Buy shares of solid companies that you personally would want to invest in that have good upside 5-10 years from now. Then, trade on put options where you essentially bet that a share price will not fall below a certain price (you’re goal is to monetize off the fear of other investors). If the stock price keeps growing, sell your puts before they expire and reap a nice paycheck if you do this continually. Even is you lose and the the stock price falls below your betted amount, you will essentially have the cash reserves already in place and you can then buy the shares of a company that you would otherwise want to own shares in. As long as you have the cash reserves in your account to cover the current share price of the stock you exceeded a put against, you technically won’t lose, you just won’t gain a solid “paycheck” from that particular bet but you will own more shares in a company you would want to invest in which would increase your marketshare and potentially lower your average cost. You wouldn’t have to work again if you bet smart in good stock and then reinvest the money back in once your expenses are paid for. Beat the system Duda, beat it like like Michael Jackson’s hit single on Thriller and wear white gloves everywhere too
Make sure you also buy OTM weekly calls of high volatility stocks on margin
Margin trading gets risky though if you miscalculate the market but def a helpful asset if you know what you’re doing
Shut up Duda
Clearly you’re not working that much cause you still have time to write this shitty article.
I’m starting to get more work to do and I gotta say I fucking hate it. I didn’t like this job to begin with and now I have to do more of it? For the same amount of pay? Fuck that I wanna browse social media and read articles about new boutique picklers in my town.
This was a great article ripping on college kids who got bullshit degrees and expect to get big boy jobs and then get pissed when there is work involved.
Unhinged Duda is now Totally Lazy Duda
You work at Grandex.
I thought all you guys did was bong beers, scroll TFM Babes of the Day, and grill out on the patio while overlooking downtown Austin. Are you telling me this isn’t the case?
are you new here?
Duda was fired from Grandex months ago. Get with times, man.
**reassigned to Chicago on a part time basis**