I’m Not Believing For A Second That Young Couples Are Good At ‘Managing Love And Money’

I'm Not Believing For A Second That Young Couples Are Good At 'Managing Love And Money'

I love a good study. Hand-picking statistics to fit a narrative is simply par for the course in the age of click-bait and the never ending race for pageviews. But this one from TD Bank is particularly funny because, well, I knew before I read it that I was going to disagree with the findings.

Anyone else coming out of this past weekend with a hangover and not much else to show for it? Because I woke up this morning with a car that wouldn’t start, some downright terrifying withdrawals from my Chase account, and a love life that, at present, is probably a C- at best. I told myself I wouldn’t go out Friday night and then the inevitable happened. A phone call. A text from some fringe friend. “Just one or two drinks and home before last call,” I told myself. But it’s all downhill from there. That money I wanted to save for my rainy day fund went towards six shots of middle-of-the-road tequila. Following that, I started chatting some 7 up who kind of looked like an ex-girlfriend if she stood away from the glow of the fluorescent lighting in the bathroom with no doors. She got a vodka-soda out of me after about ten minutes of conversation.

So to start, yeah, obviously I don’t have a significant other. It’s nearly impossible for me to relate in any way to this article since I don’t have a girlfriend, but I’ve got to call bullshit on it. Everyone is bad with money in their twenties. And since I know it’s bad for me as a single man, it’s got to be even worse for a couple. It just has to be.

I don’t know what it’s like to share a bank account with my significant other. I don’t grocery shop with two people in my mind. I generally look at statistics with a skeptical eye and these “facts” that TD Bank is tossing out just aren’t believable.

Money talks play a huge role in a couple’s life and relationship satisfaction. It’s so significant that 74 percent of Millennials say they discuss money weekly, and those who do discuss finances at least once a week say they’re much happier than those who talk about it less than every few months.

74 percent of Millennial couples are not discussing money unless it’s the end of the month and rent is due. People lie on surveys all the time. You know what I do three out of the four weeks in any given month? I avoid looking at the balance in my various checking accounts because I know it’ll just make me angry. Did I really need those street tacos at 1:45 in the morning two weeks ago after getting shut down by three different girls? Fuck no. But I bought them anyways because I get hungry when I’m drunk and if I’m not going to get laid I might as well destroy my stomach with questionable meat from a curbside food truck. I’m not saying that couples are worse at managing money than me. But I’m not saying they’re better at it, either. People in relationships get drunk cravings just like me. They spend money on Amazon Prime as frivolously as I do. Talking about money once a week? Get the fuck out of here. No one is doing that under the age of 30. We’re all just waiting for that bi-weekly paycheck to hit.

Bustle also included an array of other statistics from the study.

1. Over One Third Of People Have Discussed Incomes Before Meeting Someone They Met On A Dating Site

Wanna know why I think this entire study should be voided? Look, no further than this stat that 36 percent of people are talking about how much money they make on Bumble and Tinder. No way. Here’s how a conversation on Bumble goes for a majority of people.

Girl: heyyyy how’s it going?

Guy: Eh. Can’t complain. Do you want to get drinks sometime this week?

Girl: yeah, here’s my number 555-555-5555. just text me it’s easier than using this app.

I’m not trying to sound braggadocious, but I am veteran in these internet dating streets. I’ve seen some shit, man. PTSD flashbacks to bad dates are frequent. If we’re throwing around statistics, I’d say 70 percent of the first dates I’ve gone on have gone nowhere. But no matter how good or bad any date I’ve gone on has been, one constant remains: never once has salary come up. Two people in their mid-twenties meet for drinks and you can just assume they’re both broke.

2. A Majority Of Millennials Keep A Budget

I’m pretty sure everyone has that Mint app on their phone. It breaks down exactly where you’re spending your money every week and just like my checking account, I ignore the fuck out of notifications from them. If I looked at a monthly summary from Mint of where my money went I’d probably have a nervous breakdown looking at the amount of money I blew on alcohol and food. Who has the time to keep a budget? The closest thing I have to a budget is my grocery store bill once a week which I try to keep below sixty dollars. If you’re keeping a detailed budget, more power to you, but I’m going to assume that I’m in the majority of twenty-somethings who don’t keep one.

3. Couples Are More Likely To Share Bank Accounts, And Less Likely To Share Credit Cards

About 68 percent of Millennials say they have at least one shared bank account. However, 60 percent say they prefer to keep credit card accounts separate. But when it comes to happiness and shared accounts, 63 percent of all couples say they share at least one credit card, and 68 percent of them say they’re happy with their relationships.

I give up trying to find an angle on this stat. Anyone else zone out midway through all of the numbers that were presented above? That’s the problem with these studies. They throw these arbitrary percentages in your face and expect you just blindly take them as fact. I barely passed Algebra. 68 percent of Millennials have a shared bank account, but 60 percent of that 68 percent prefer to keep their credit card accounts separate? Wait, what? Too much statistical analysis going on in this one for me. I’m sure most couples in their mid to late twenties share one bank account. Good for them. And good for TD Bank and Bustle for confusing the shit out of me.

4. If You’re Dating, It Pays To Pay Your Bills On Time

No shit. Single people have to pay their bills on time, too.

5. Millennials Are Twice As Likely To Break Up With Someone If They Discover A Financial Secret

What are we defining as a financial secret? Gambling problem? Recreational drug use which is flirting with full blown addiction? Those are really the only two “financial secrets” that I could see breaking two people up. Like, yeah, we all started with shitty credit scores because student loans are a leech on your earnings. If people are breaking up because of student loan debt, bad credit scores, or a snap decision to buy a round of shots for ten people than I might actually be single forever.

Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. Statistics are misleading and there is no better example than this tidy little study.

[via TD Bank / Bustle]

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Johnny D

fashion icon. @dudaronomy on twitter. e-mail:

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