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We met at a bar about four weeks ago. It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was in that sweet spot where I wasn’t so drunk that I was slurring my words but I also wasn’t so sober that I was fumbling over what to say in front of this pretty girl. To put it simply, I was in the zone or “I.T.Z.” as I like to say.
I had just enough in my system to convince myself that I should walk up to this girl who was with three of her girlfriends. They stood there idly, talking and laughing as people who frequent bars tend to do.
Initially, I thought the play was to engage the friends for a few minutes, slowly introducing myself to each one of them before finally settling on the girl who I had had my eye on for the better part of an hour.
But as I walked up to the group of girls, I made a last second decision to simply tap the one I was interested in on the shoulder. She turned slowly and deliberately. Brushing the hair out of her eyes quickly, she smiled and said “Yeah?”
With no real plan of what I was going to say, I went for a handshake right then and there and she acquiesced.
“Hi, my names John Duda. Umm, I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. I’ve put my number on this bar napkin here and I’d love to take you out sometime if you’re free. I won’t keep you, though. Have a good one. Thanks.”
And that was it. I had written my number on a napkin at the bar I had been at before this one. I knew that I wanted to use it on some girl at some point during the day, and this happened to be the perfect opportunity. I turned around and walked away quickly, fist pumping as I sauntered back to the table where my buddies stood watching like hawks. I knew my chances at this point were probably 50/50.
I don’t recommend this move very often because a majority of the time you won’t get a text message from the girl you’ve just done this to. Placing the onus on the girl is usually too much pressure, as evidenced by the terrible pickup lines I see on Bumble every single day.
Why I went with the bar napkin and walk away approach I couldn’t tell you. It was probably a combination of alcohol and a very inflated ego, but nonetheless, four days later as I sat in a cubicle hating my life I got a text message from her. We’ve been on several dates, some to dinner, some to our respective apartments where we don’t do anything other than eat Talenti gelato and binge-watch shitty television shows.
I’ve been apprehensive to write about this budding romance up to this point simply because I don’t want to jinx myself. I have something going on at the moment that was not manufactured from some sketchy dating app. We have an origin story and similar senses of humor.
She isn’t a big social media person, and although she does know that I write about my encounters with women from time to time, she has told me on several occasions that she doesn’t care to read my stuff.
Although I found it a little bit offensive, I can also respect that some people couldn’t give two shits about Twitter, blogging, or stacking up likes on Instagram. All of that is totally fine with me. I’ve struggled with intimacy since my last serious relationship. I have a problem connecting with women on a deep, emotional level and I think that is one of the main reasons I’m unable to settle down at the moment.
I’ve been invited to spend Memorial Day weekend at her cottage in a rather affluent part of Ohio, and while I think meeting parents, extended family, and very dear friends after four short weeks of knowing each other is moving a little fast, I also think that I should go.
I’ve looked at this from a lot of different angles, and on my end, I don’t see how this can’t be defined as a no-lose situation. This weekend goes well and boom – I’m finally in that relationship that I’ve been writing about wanting to be in for the last year or so.
This weekend goes poorly and we figure out we hate each other? Fine, at least I can say I fucking tried. I’m at a crossroads between continuing to live a life of debauchery and actually having someone to watch The Keepers with on Netflix. Am I making a colossal mistake going out of town for the weekend? I think I have to push all of my chips into the middle of the table and see what happens. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
I hate to break it to you, John, but there’s a 100% chance she’s reading what you write.
She’s probably a Toucher.
Touch or gtfo
I read this a “toucher” as in “touche-bag”
#TouchNation
It’s nice to be naive sometimes
If she’s really you it won’t matter in the end. Shooters shoot, writers write. Go all in.
Really in* to you.
I completely agree with Will. At the very least all her friends are reading and telling her everything.
Don’t get in his head. We don’t need him over analyzing everything and fucking this up. Best of luck this weekend Duda.
exactly. i also hope she looked him up on clerk of courts public record to see if he has a criminal background just bc that’s fun.
also, where in ohio?
What a shock! Duda will ‘rise to the occasion.’ This is his moment to seal the deal, big league. Very good news people!
these comments are so on-point sometimes that I question if this is actually the pres writing them
Imagine the anxiety this reader base will have if Duda gets into a serious long-term relationship before the rest of us…
…but does she make you wrap it up?
Don’t even know you, but yet this made me feel so proud. Don’t shit the bed.
At least his mattress is inflatable so he could just throw it away when he does
Just do yourself a favor and maybe don’t dress like a fucking idiot this weekend.
Go, but don’t wear any of you “normal” outfits.
Ohio is for lovers.
Fuck it, just go, do your best to charm the parents, and work the room. If all else fails, at least you can come home with Yuengling.
Just make sure this doesn’t affect your ability to screen shot all of our Ultra snaps this weekend.