Columns

I Moved Back To My College Town And Now I Hate College Kids

I Moved Back To My College Town And Now I Hate College Kids

Most people would agree that their college years were some of the best years of their lives. Many would go on to reminisce about the many things they loved about their college town. Whether it was the great local food places, the nightlife, the breweries, or the scenery, everyone has memories they hold dear. Most people spend their four (or six) years in undergrad and head out of town chasing their dreams in some big city or even a different country. Some stick around their college town for a little while. Some move back home. Some dumbasses, like me, move back to their college town.

Most of my experience is great. I’m surrounded by my favorite restaurants again. I am out of the city and back in the solitude of the mountains. Gas is cheap, traffic is light(er), and I can get a thirty rack of Busch for fourteen bucks. I can go catch a game at my alma mater if I want and attempt to use my old student ID for discounts around town. I know my way around the streets and know all the best spots. There is, however, one thing that I despise: these fucking kids.

There is no way I was this insufferable when I was twenty years old. I swear the maturity and common sense of college students has plummeted. Are they getting more inept? I refuse to believe my peers were this stupid when I was in school. I’ve started to keep notes in my phone of all the dumb shit I overhear college kids say in public.

I don’t know but he texted me goodnight an hour earlier than normal last night so he’s definitely cheating.

Dude I told my mom I needed money for a book for class, but then I just bought a bunch of Burnette’s for some of the girls from Phi Mu.

Hold on I need to put this on Snap. *takes selfie with ugly Christmas sweater in Walmart* Okay, let me see it! No take it again. I would just buy it but it’s like $5 and I just don’t have that right now.

They are everywhere. They pollute my favorite places of business. They back up the self-checkout line at Target and the drive-thru at Cookout. They act like they are the only town residents and have zero respect or awareness of their surroundings. I went to pick up dinner the other day and two girls that had been day drinking were harassing the girl at the counter to charge their phones for them because their phones died and they had no way of getting an Uber. She offered to let them sign into Uber on her phone, but they refused. “No it doesn’t work that way,” they said. “Ugh, whatever, no one likes this place anyway!”

Author’s note: Not true, everyone loves a Greg Brady from Jack Brown’s.

I hate to be the grouchy old man, but college kids are truly insufferable. They make too much noise, they crowd all my favorite places, and the ones from New Jersey are the worst drivers in the world. They must be stopped.

Email this to a friend

Delph

I'm just a cultured redneck that coaches hoops and loves Dale Earnhardt.

15 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More