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Using hand sanitizer throughout the day is fine, even though it’s kind of annoying to listen to it being applied (it’s been like 30 straight seconds Lisa, pretty sure you can stop rubbing your sand paper hands together now). But some people I know think it’s okay to use hand sanitizer instead of washing their hands, and it forever taints them in my mind.
The building I work in is pretty small. There are only two single-stall bathrooms – one for men and one for women. So that means you have to wait outside the door in the hallway if someone is using the bathroom.
So one day I’m waiting outside of the women’s bathroom because someone is in there. And yes, I use the women’s bathroom as a man because I identify as someone who likes to use clean bathrooms. They’re taking a while, so I have a pretty good idea of what’s going down in there out of the two most likely options. I finally hear the toilet flush, but then the door starts opening way faster than it should. Obviously this no-hands-washing nasty ass patient zero is determined to give the entire office pink eye. The culprit passes me and I get hit with a wave of alcoholic vapors that make my nostrils sting. Then I realize that this sociopath has substituted hand sanitizer for soap and water.
I know there are some of you who are unfazed after reading that, so let’s break down exactly what’s wrong here. Using hand sanitizer instead of washing your hands is like if Cersei didn’t shower after she went through that literal shitstorm of a shame walk and just spritzed some Febreeze on herself when she got back to the castle instead of taking a shower.
“Excuse me your grace, you’ve got a little shmuts on your face. Actually, it’s covering your entire body. Here, some Febreeze should do the trick. There you are your grace! Clean as a whistle and smelling like a flower patch.”
Not everyone watches Thrones so I’ll draw another analogy. It’d be like if your car was dirty, like very muddy and dirty, and instead of using water and soap to wash your car, you just took a soup ladle and a bucket and scooped dollops of hand sanitizer onto your car and rubbed that in like old people at the beach who use way too much sunscreen. Refreshing, right?
More broadly, I don’t think hand sanitizer should be used at all unless you’re a surgeon about to go into the OR. There’s really no point. It’s like that douchebag who puts premium gas in their ’96 Toyota Celica because they think they’re Dale Earnhardt Jr. Besides, unless you’re dipping your hands in straight Ethanol, you’re not killing all of those little critters anyways.
“But Everett! It still kills 99.99% of germs!”
Yeah, I’m not impressed by that either. If you took a group of 10,000 people and killed 9,999 of them, that last person is going to go on a revenge tour that would rival Uma Thurman’s in Kill Bill. Or the one in Apocalypto. Or The Punisher. The point is, if you make that 0.01% of germs watch all of their friends and family die in agony at your hands (literally) only for them to survive, they’re going to decide that it’s payback time. Those last little guys are going to work their way onto your avocado toast and cause a ruckus inside your body that even Osmosis Jones can’t take care of.
I only remember two concepts from high school biology: mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, and evolution is a thing. Since evolution is a real thing that happens, wouldn’t it make sense that the last 0.01% of germs that don’t die are going to reproduce to make a bunch of sanitizer-resistant germ kids? Holy shit I just realized those germs are like my friends; they don’t die after being bathed in alcohol and they go on to produce offspring that make me scared for the future.
That last note is just a thought; there’s no evidence I’m aware of to support it. But there is evidence that suggests that some sanitizers are actually bad for you (see: triclosan). There’s also evidence that shows regular soap and water is still the best option. Just go wash your hands. Soap is a surfactant, which means it’s really good at getting water to wash stuff off of your hands. Soap is also cheap af. Also, you’re nasty as hell if you don’t wash your hands anyways so just use soap and skip the hand sanitizer. Alright I’ll get off my soap soapbox now..
Image via Shutterstock
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Everett
Unaccomplished comedian. Got stuff to complain about? email me: everettmcm@gmail.com
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emac1639
Well hate to bum you out but most people don’t sanitize OR handwash properly, if they do either at all. People are disgusting. But our immune system can handle most of the shit we encounter (pun intended). At this point I’m just glad people at least make some sort of effort to be hygienic.
Username checks out.
This is a glorious GIF
What’s your problem, Kazansky?
Ok so I work in infection control, meaning I’m the person who keeps you from getting sick(er) while you’re in the hospital. I know a few #facts about the hand sani vs soap issue…
1. The way in which hand sanitizer kills bacteria doesn’t contribute to antibiotic resistance.
2. Hand Sanitizer is SIGNIFICANTLY more effective in killing germs in study after study (unless we’re talking C. Diff but we aren’t.)
C diff… one minute of water lets wash those spores right down the drain
1st: Solid Punisher reference
2nd: Funny story about hand sanitizer and cars, you can use it to get tree sap off better than soap and water
3rd: Totally agree that Soap and water is the way to go
Premium gas in their Toyota Celica, great stuff
As someone who cleaned bathrooms for four summers during college, I can tell you that women’s bathrooms are usually dirtier than the men’s room. The men’s room gets the occasional bigger mess, but women’s rooms are just consistently disgusting.
My main takeaway is that someone opened the bathroom door with poop hands. So hopefully it’s a push door and not a pull so you don’t have to hope there are paper towels in the bathroom to grab the handle with upon your own exit. Clearly you work with a monster.
Hand sanitizer : Killing bad bacteria :: Nuclear holocaust : Stopping criminals.
I feel like you probably didn’t do too well on the SATs. Or maybe I didn’t. Either way, I’m not sure what you are trying to say. Hand sanitizer is overkill?
Yes. It is like taking napalm to your skin flora.
It is fairly odd to look on the sight and see someone you went to middle/high school with writing. Good stuff.
I mean site what the fuck ever
As a med student, I’d like to point out we use hand sanitizer 95% of the time in the hospital.
But I’m sure you also only use purell as a complement to washing your hands not a supplement
Wash hands before rounds, then unless you perform any kind of procedure that results in bodily fluid contact, use the foam hand sanitizer on the wall and on to the next one.