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I would say that most of us, especially those who read this site, possess an innate desire to succeed and the ability to put in the hard work that’s required to achieve that success. It’s a fire burning inside of us that pushes us to take on new challenges and exceed our potential, both at work and in our personal lives. For some people that fire never wavers and often intensifies over time, which leads to the accomplishment of extraordinary things. I used to have that fire in me, but not anymore. Now my flame just kind of flickers and fades and only burns fully when I need it to.
I’ve become pretty complacent at work. I used to try really hard when I first started, but that began to fade once I understood the office hierarchy and environment more. It’s a union-backed government job, so I would have to fuck up pretty egregiously for them to terminate my employment. I’m also not eligible for a promotion for another couple years, which I’ll eventually get at some point or another. Needless to say, I’m not about to exert too much effort for the forty hours a week I’m scheduled to work (And not a second more). So long as I continue to receive my annual union-mandated pay raises, everything’s kosher with me. I’m basically one unexcused absence away from becoming a real life Peter Gibbons, but without the promotion since I can’t get one yet.
This recent phenomenon is starting to creep into my free time too. I have every Friday off of work, which I spend doing absolutely nothing. Any errand or activity that involves self-improvement gets pushed back further and further into the day until it’s too late to do it, in which case I just throw up my hands and continue to sit on the couch watching the same Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode I’ve already seen several times. If I didn’t live directly next door to a grocery store, there is a 1,000% chance I would starve to death because my desire to not leave my apartment would overwhelm my hunger.
Have you ever heard of those companies that give their employees multi-month sabbaticals as a benefit? The intention is to give their workers a set amount of paid time off to travel, do some soul-searching, and all that hippy shit. If I had that kind of free time though, I’d probably end up spending most of it living out the Green Day song “Longview.” Stuck to the couch, inebriated in some fashion, and rubbing one out every once in a while to pass the time. I may not find myself during that time, but I’d sure as hell feel it.
Not even my social life is immune to this quasi-apathy. Instead going out to try different things and meet new people, I’d rather just stay in my immediate vicinity and get hammered with the same crew of goons I’m used to seeing. My FOMO is practically non-existent. I don’t even bother trying with my outfit anymore either. I don’t need to impress anyone, so what’s the point? If I can’t get into a place wearing a Megadeth shirt and jeans, then I’m just not going out. Doesn’t bother me, the beer is cheaper in my apartment and I don’t have an oppressive dress code that requires pants.
Writing this article also has also been a cumbersome undertaking for me. I think I came up with this idea two weeks ago but am finally getting around to typing it up. Writing is hard and I just didn’t feel like it, you know? I also hope deFries catches all my errors and fixes them for me because I’m not about to proofread anything I just typed out. That sounds like even more work than I’m willing to do.
Fortunately, this all seems like a phase that I think we all go through at various points in life. If it was more than a phase I likely wouldn’t even have a job to take for granted in the first place. The grind is tough and it wears everyone down from time to time, which is totally normal. It’s simply a matter of how you recover from it when you’re down. Some people require a spark to light that flame inside of them back up, others like me just need a little time to snap out of a funk. Eventually, I’ll get back to working harder, utilizing my free time wisely, putting more effort into my social life, and writing better articles (Although your mileage may vary with that last one). I just have to leap over a few mental hurdles first to get to that point. For now though, it’s time to show my boss how average of an employee I can be. .
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@ArrowZeppelin
ArrowZeppelin
I read this directly after taking a 40 minute break to just walk around because I didn’t feel like doing work.
Those walks are the best
Glad you got your workout for the day in on the company dime.
I’m all about comedy for comedy’s sake, but I want to bring it down and have a bit of real talk. This sounds like textbook depression, and it’s nothing to sneeze at. Like, being apathetic at work is just something we all do (especially when working for the government), but when it seeps over into your personal life and you find yourself unable to take even the smallest of steps toward your goals, self improvement, or even well being, it’s turning into a problem. It doesn’t have to be a constant, every-day-for-a-year funk. It doesn’t even have to be so bad that you want to kill yourself or wish you never existed. Depression can be that feeling of “why should I fucking bother?” hitting you over and over and over.
Obviously I don’t know how your daily life really goes, and I don’t know all the other factors going into your postgrad blues, but know that feeling like you’re living in a raincloud all the time isn’t something you should have to deal with. Talk to your doctor. You don’t have to start out with therapy, or even end up there at all. But discussing how you feel with a medical professional is a great first step. You’ve got Fridays off and government benefits, so you don’t have an excuse not to.
You don’t have to listen to a random internet commenter, but you seem like the kind of guy who could be the life of the party if he didn’t have this monkey on his back. The people around you deserve that, and you deserve it too. Shoot me a DM on Twitter if you want to talk, but really. Talk to somebody.
Okay, now back to your regularly scheduled dick jokes.
Exactly what I thought. Gotta go burn off some steam, and grind it out with some exercise no matter how hard it is to go. Blast some Gorilla Radio or Beastie Boys and move your body. You’ll feel a little better.
Then dick jokes.
It’s satire, bro.
The fact that you have a 3 day weekend every week and don’t utilize it to its fullest is blasphemy.
I do, I just haven’t been feeling it lately. What sucks though is that my friends are lame and work five days a week so they can’t/won’t join me in any fun. And if the weather ever warms up to something resembling summer, I’ll be Wrigley every Friday sending Snaps to those jabronis.
Even if your friends can’t make it, do something for yourself. Pick up a new hobby, hit the gym, go to museums, see the Cubs by yourself. Life is what you make it man. Best of luck to you.
Nothing better than rolling into Sports Corner at 11am during the week to have a few before heading into the game.
If I had every Friday off, you can bet your ass I’d be at every 1:20 Friday game I could.
My first adult job went from 5-8s to 4-10s after maybe 6 months. I hated the idea at first, but you can’t put a price on a guaranteed 3 day break every single weekend. Once you’ve had it, you can never go back.
…or if you do, you do so begrudgingly (like taking a 62% pay raise)
Thanks for the humble brag.
Yeaaaah… Didn’t think that one through.
PGHR nailed it – textbook depression. There’s no shame in seeking out help. I’m willing to bet some regulars around here have done it too.
“I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don’t have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya… it feels phenomenal.” – Peter La Fleur
I was in the same situation not too long ago and that’s when I decided to do some DMT and gamble to get my mind right. Luckily it worked. It worked almost too well because now I still don’t really care about much but I focus on doing things I enjoy to the fullest because real life is bogus and when you come back down from something like that, you realize that we don’t even live in real life. It’s kind of like the plains of existence flipped and you start to see just how bullshit our expected daily lives are and then you don’t really get stressed out because you’re kind of like a passenger on a plane with almost no control of the destination so you just start to really enjoy the view and appreciate your window seat.
Did you take a “heroic dose” because it definitely sounds like you did.
I took a Bill Hicks dose, yes…and it was wonderful.
I’m 100% with you on being complacent at work. I changed my hours to 8-4 primarily so I wouldn’t feel as bad applying to other jobs while other people were at work with me.
To echo PGHRProblems, definitely talk to somebody. Even if it’s random Internet people like us.
This is the same attitude and mindset I have to when I submit an article to PGP and it doesn’t get published.
I feel this so hard.. after a bunch of jobs similar to what you are describing I cam home and took over my Dad’s business (Climate controlled Storage) after he passed away. Really and truly menial effort is all I put in because I’m only ever going to make so much here. There are no promotions when you are the owner of the business. Most days I read articles like this, watch Netflix or read actual..gasp…books oh and sometimes I color. That’s pretty much my day. I typically have Fridays off as well unless someone calls in and I spend them doing very little as well. I’m actually not unhappy in fact, I’m better off than most but I’m def not going above and beyond here I mean…why would I?
This is just depressing.
I’m a fellow government employee, and kind of feel the same way! The beaurocratic bs just breaks your spirit! You can only see so many incompetent people promoted just because they check the diversity box before you ask yourself “why am I trying so hard?” ! around here, hard work gets you nothing but a headache and more work to do!