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Yesterday started out like most other Mondays. I went to work ready to crank out another productive workday, and then things took a turn.
To be clear, this Monday ended up getting weird. Yesterday, I had to ask an elderly man to stop watching pornography on one of our public computers. I never thought part of my professional tasks (I work in retail) at work would include asking a grown man, and presumably somebody’s grandfather, to turn off his pornography. However now I can officially add, “Czar of Pornography” to my job resume.
It all started when a coworker spotted our video-watching villain, in plain view of everyone, casually watching porn. Bemused by the sight, and with a shit eating grin, he eagerly showed me this old dude just sitting there calmly watching a porno. We both were flabbergasted that this man was just sitting there, out in the open, with a screen full of T & A.
Just to show you all how out in the open this porn was, here’s a visual aid.
Now imagine if in the above visual, Captain Piccard of the Star Trek enterprise was facing the wall, exposing his back as well as the computer monitor, for all of the world to enjoy. That’s exactly how visible this full screen of porn was.
To make matters even worse, this wasn’t any softcore HBO after dark pornography either. This was hardcore action which lead up to a red headed minx getting her sphincter destroyed from behind in what looked to be a hospital bed.
As I stood there in shock, I couldn’t help but ponder a few questions…
How often does this guy casually watch porn in public?
Is his wife so strict he’s forced to roam the world looking for public computers to pursue his pornographic endeavors?
Could this be a sick prostate exam fantasy of his?
Did he pay for this?
At what age do you stop giving enough fucks to pull off this kind of stunt?
And most importantly, why in the hell wasn’t this savage using his smart phone?
Yes, you read that last question correctly. This man had an iPad-sized phone clipped onto his hip and was still watching porn on a highly visible public desktop, even with free Wi-Fi available.
After about three to five minutes of just standing there giggling in bewilderment at this mad man, I decided that this had gone on long enough. It was time to go face-to-face with the purveyor of porn himself and tell him to shut it down…
I slowly walked towards the older gentleman until I stood next to him for what felt like an eternity. My presence didn’t even phase him, and for a brief second, I was worried he may even pat on the open seat next to him extending an invitation to watch along.
As I stood there distracted by the hardcore close up of some stranger’s massive hog gliding in and out of some woman’s body, I managed to squeak out, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to please turn that off.”
Slowly he turned his head and looked at me like I’m the psycho in this situation. Disgruntled that I had disturbed his quality PC time, he didn’t even speak to me. He just gave me a puzzled look, that even without saying any words communicated, “Why in the fuck does it matter to you, asshole?”
So I then had to follow up with an explanation that kids, or anyone else for that matter, could see this and it was not appropriate to have on.
Still, not a single word was said.
He slowly, and I mean very slowly, exited the tab. He even took his time to rewind it back a few seconds to replay a scene.
And then the film was no more. And still without saying anything, this silent porn-watching grandpa simply got up, walked outside, and began to smoke a cigarette.
Thanks for forgetting to put up the website blockers, IT. You were the real MVP..
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PostGradShibby
Same old Shibbster. Founder of #MargLife and the blumpkin beer craze. ShibbyTFM@Gmail.com
@DrShibby
“…crank out another productive workday…”
I see you, Shibby.
If no snapchats were caught of this experience, you will have to be relegated to the B team Shibs
via GIPHY
A Team.
I have never seen such masterful delivery.
God damn
Truly a man of the people
When can we expect pictures on the app? Had to switch to safari to see this- very worth it.
Sounds like a great way to start off the week, Shibby. Story from my first real job after college: not long after I arrived someone from my team walked into an older gentleman’s office to ask a question and he was just casually watching porn on his dual monitors. Like, one video on each. Guy didn’t even flinch and just told my colleague to ask the question he had and then gave him the answer. He was reported to HR, obviously, but there was no specific rule in the handbook that said he couldn’t do this at work. So they couldn’t fire him and now apparently the guy works from home like 4 days a week.
So the real winner in that story was the porn watcher.
100%. This dude is getting paid yanking it in his fucking office and his punishment is he gets go home and get paid to jerk off now.
What the fuck kind of rule book doesn’t mention not using work computers for non-work purposes? I mean, we all do it, but the rule is there specifically because of porn. C’mon, HR people.
No clue. But this was a huge company that was a giant cluster fuck and has been a sinking ship for quite some time so not really a surprise when I think about it.
Same thing happened at my company and the guy now works from home also. Doesn’t seem like he has any shame when he comes in because he knows what it’s like to be married and knows that everyone goes home and watches it. He got his home office set up with company paid monitors, computer, and phone.
Moral of the story seems to be “watch porn at work and you’ll get rewarded for it.”
goals in life include this old man’s level of not giving a fuck
I’m gonna need the name of the website and the young lady in question in the film…for HR purposes
Bold move blasting a cig after he finished
What the hell shibbs? I thought this was America!
Was that her in the video?