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The simplest solution to my problem would be to stop worrying about it. To enjoy the moment with my friend and just eat my food. But I can see the plate coming towards me now and I can tell that the way the sashimi was placed – amongst various garnishes and fresh wasabi– was not a mistake.
This is a culinary masterpiece, and wouldn’t it be disrespectful to not take a picture of it?
An anxious feeling grows inside of me. My friend across the table continues to talk but his words become jumbled and disjointed like he’s speaking under water.
My vision, outside of the sashimi I’m staring down like a hammerhead shark, is blurred. Before I know it, my phone is out, and I’m trying to find an angle that works so I can get every piece of sashimi on the platter along with the tamago sponge cake. I hit “My Story” on Snapchat and maybe Instagram Stories and suddenly a wave of relief washes over me. Now I can enjoy the meal.
The way I see it there are really only two types of people in this world anymore. Picture takers and what I’ll call “phone in pants people.”
Where did it all go wrong for me? I used to be the phone in the chinos kind of guy. I’d deliberately put my phone on silent when I got to a bar or restaurant just so I could bask in the glory of that particular moment.
The sort of man who would frown when a person would ask me to take a picture of their group at a restaurant while thinking to myself, “Can’t you just enjoy what’s going on in front of you?”
I used to own a top of the line iPhone. The latest one with an awesome, hi-resolution camera that I didn’t really need but wanted nonetheless. I never utilized it because I was still the phone in pants guy.
And now that I’m back to an iPhone 5S, I can’t stop taking pictures. They’re shitty in quality, but there’s this overwhelming urge to get a snapshot of my food. Sometimes I’ll even take a picture when I see some unsuspecting jamoke on the sidewalk who is wearing Yeezys with a pair of bootcut jeans and looking absolutely ridiculous.
I can’t explain it, and quite frankly, I’m ashamed of what I’ve become. I’m a shell of my former self. Six months ago I’d be scoffing at the current version of me. I used to call people who would take pictures of their food, drinks, or other people “losers,” “assholes,” and “cheesedicks.”
Now I’m one of those people. And there’s no one to blame but the rest of the photo takers of the world. I got sucked into their little world.
Here’s how this all happened. Remember when I said that I used to be the guy who would just keep his phone in his pants? Well while I was practicing this, all of my friends would have their phones out at all times. I’d try starting conversations only to have them nod along silently, pretending to listen to what I had to say while they either Snapchatted a picture of their cheeseburger or scrolled Twitter looking for a freshly curated meme.
I’m a picture taker now and with an upgrade to an iPhone 7 coming next month, I don’t see myself changing in any way, shape, or form. I am swine. I hate my stinking guts. I make myself want to vomit. I am scum between my own toes. .
Image via Unsplash
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jduda@grandex.co
Stick to my golden rule of taking pictures of food: if you made it yourself and it looks amazing or if you’re at a Michelin star restaurant, by all means take a picture and share it. But if you’re at your neighborhood sushi joint or diner, don’t waste your time. We all know what a dragon roll or a bacon cheeseburger look like.
This. I try to only take pics of food I made myself.
You need to go cold turkey. Once you start the habit, its difficult to stop
then he’ll just take a picture of the cold-ass turkey
It’s really hard to quit cold turkey, cold turkey that hot turkey makes me sleepy and stuff
Hey if you live in Houston, go get gas today. I was just told some areas are already out (Katy, Sugar Land) and the rest of the city is almost out. It’s also going to jump above $3/gallon by tomorrow. Just what I heard, but better safe than sorry
I put gas in everything today, I’m set for like 2 months.
I bet the 30k rounds you’ve got buried in the backyard helps
You don’t even want to know how much backyard bunkers cost to install in Central Texas bedrock.
food is only for eating
The worst version of this is when people post pictures of gross-looking meals their significant other made them captioned with a message of how much they love them.
Duda I’m shocked that no one is giving you props for that Little Rascals reference in the end. Deep pull.
Duda, new iPhone 8 (or whatever it’s called) drops mid-Sept. Don’t buy a 7 until then (either get the new one or a stellar deal on a 7)
Go figure. I’ve earned a living cooking and I never take pictures of food. Only assholes with smart phones who are too stupid to learn to cook post online photos of food they overpaid to eat. Fuck you.
Two things:
You don’t have to have “friends” like that. Find some new people to spend time with.
You don’t have to dress like that and hang around those people.
But, I figure, based on all that you share here, you will never break out of this vicious cycle.
Why haven’t people started taking pictures of food in dumpsters and then posting it on IG as a promotion with locations tagged where the audience is targeted to Millennials whose income is below $35k? We need to start helping our generation, guys
Nived my man, where do you get your drugs from? I need my third eye opened
I have a feeling he’s got a DIY operation in his garage
I wish I had a cool story about this one but I honestly get stuff from my roommate, his name’s Mike, he’s an accountant, just a normal dude who happens to enjoy drugs a little bit more than your average accountant person