How You Know You Were The First One Of Your Friends To Get Married

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Have you ever been sitting around with a group of your friends and wondered, “Wait. Am I the first one to get married?” Well, wonder no more. Below is a list of reasons how you can tell if you’re the first in your friend group to get married.

When you leave a group outing early, everyone is all like, “You guys are leaving already? You guys are such an old married couple!” or “It must be past your bed time. You guys are soooo married!” or “I can’t believe you two are the first ones to get married!”
Of course you’re leaving early. You have a big day tomorrow. You have to paint the bathroom and make a trip to Costco.

Your wedding reception dance floor is the most full during the bouquet and/or garter toss.
When the DJ announces the bouquet or garter toss and plays either “All The Single Ladies” by Beyonce or “Pony” by Ginuwine, the dance floor becomes the most crowded its been all night. Everyone wants to catch the bouquet or garter for bragging rights and/or the hopes that they’ll be the next to one day end this dreaded nightmare known as “being single.”

While your friends’ Instagram profiles are filled with pictures of road trips, nights out at the bars, and vague inspirational quotes, your Instagram profile is filled with pictures of flowers your husband bought you. #luvhim #besthusbandever
But let’s be honest, you’d rather be on those road trips and nights out at the bars.

If you’re a girl, all your friends want to be you.
All your girlfriends will covet your relationship and will consistently wonder if they’ll ever find a guy like your husband. You’ll then reassure all of them that they will… except Becky. Becky just does not shut up.

If you’re a guy, you want to be all your friends.
You will covet all of your guy friends’ lives and how they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, without ever having to check with their wife first.

If you’re a girl, you’re the only one in your friend group who knows anything about Lane Kiffin.
While watching college football with your husband on Saturday afternoons, you’ve learned Lane Kiffin is the worst coach to ever work in football. However, after Nick Saban hired him, you begin to question everything. “Surely, he must be good if Nick Saban hired him. Right?”

If you’re a guy, you’re the only one in your friend group who knows anything about Juan Pablo.
While watching The Bachelor with your wife on Monday nights, you’ve learned Juan Pablo was a terrible choice for Season 18, but you’re confident Farmer Chris will make up for it in Season 19. “Surely, no one can be a bigger douche than Juan Pablo. Right?”

Everyone is really excited for your wedding.
When you’re the first in your friend group to get married, everyone – especially the girls – is so excited to finally go to a wedding that doesn’t include a family member or friends of their parents. However, no one RSVPs on time or brings a gift. If you’re the last in your friend group to get married, the only thing your friends are thinking are, “Oh great, another wedding.”

You use your wedding party to hook up your friends.
“Let’s have Gina walk down the aisle with Brock. I think they would be so cute together, don’t you?!”
“I don’t know. Brock isn’t really into blondes. Let’s have him walk with Samantha.”
“O-M-G! Brock would totally be Samantha’s type! Couldn’t you just see those two together?!”

You don’t have any friends.
Then congrats! You’re the first of your friend group to get married by default!

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Austin Huff

Austin wears pants every day. He is also the founder of

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