======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
You may have read the title of this article and then said to yourself, “Well, there’s no way I’m taking advice from a lunatic,” but from one lunatic to an internet full of them, there may come a time when you might actually have to do the unthinkable.
Yes. I am talking about breaking the 48-hour rule in Las Vegas.
I’ve been to Vegas a few times and the visits have never lasted longer than two days. It’s impossible. There’s just something about that city, specifically The Strip. It’s a constant barrage of stimulation and promotion. You’re exhausted by the end of the first day. Now, imagine stretching that out over five days. That’s a recipe for death, right? Only a dead man would imagine such a thing.
Well, imagine you start a new job and the hottest conference in all the land just so happens to be in Vegas and your new boss wants to send you on an all-expenses-paid trip to America’s Playground. You don’t say no, do you? What if I told you that you would be spending five days there? You still say yes with an ice-cold poker face even though you are being consumed by dread. How do you do it? How do you survive?
Avoid Sugary Drinks at All Costs
Casual lunch beers, a quick vodka-sody during an afternoon meeting – all kosher. Drink a monstrous, 64-ounce frozen mango margarita topped with a coconut rum floater, you’re dead. That’s a sloppy kind of drunk followed by an absolute nightmare of a hangover that can lead to the entire trip getting derailed. Blurring the lines between work and play is a dangerous game.
Take it from me, a 250-pound guy who eats chicken wings twice a week, the key to maintaining a healthy baseline during a marathon trip to Sin City is pumping endorphins through your blood. The legs feed the wolf.
Eat One Good Meal a Day
For all its faults, Vegas is a phenomenal food city. Which means that you can easily stack horrible meals on top of one another. A steak au poivre with a side of mac and cheese sitting on top of a croissant breakfast sandwich stacked on top of last night’s steak is a recipe for disaster. Pipes get clogged, chakras are thrown out of whack, bloat sets in and blood pressure spikes. Mix in a salad or maybe some salmon and roasted veggies to keep your body primed.
Take Advantage of Your Hotel’s Dope Ass Spa
Vegas hotels are behemoths. The sheer scale of these things blows my mind. They’re never-ending mazes of elevators, restaurants, slot machines and souvenir shops. They are built to keep you trapped inside a manufactured reality where the end goal is to get you to spend as much money as possible on shit you don’t need. Under the noisy surface, they’re oases of relaxation and eucalyptus-scented splendor. Book a massage, get a steam in, treat yourself to a spa facial. Charge it to your room. The cost of staying beautiful is a cost of doing business.
Do Not Gamble on the First Half of the Trip
The house always wins. If you’re up big on night one, the house is getting its money back. If you’re down big on night one, your gambling budget is shot and everyone you work with thinks you’re a degenerate. Save gambling for later.
Get Out of Your Room and Off the Strip
The bright lights will eventually blind you. Overpriced drinks and food, nonstop onslaughts of raunchy magic show and strip club promoters will wear you down to the point of resigning to your inner demon. Next thing you know, it’s 3 in the morning and you’re telling a stripper named Kandie about your screenwriting aspirations. See what else Vegas has to offer.
In Bed Before Midnight Every Night
Sleeping in a hotel bed for the better part of a week isn’t something I look forward to. My back hurts. My shins hurt for some unknown reason. My shoulders get unaligned. However, the importance of a good night’s sleep cannot be understated. Staying out past midnight is a great way to ensure your trip goes awry. Can’t close deals with bloodshot eyes and bear yawns. Rest up and meet the day.
Catch the Early Flight Home
Don’t wait around. Get the hell out of Dodge. 6 a.m. flights usually suck but leaving under the cover of darkness is the only way to leave Vegas. .