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I don’t make it out every Friday night like I used to. Early tee times, work, and exhaustion often keep me in. While it was once extremely frowned upon to stay in on the weekend, now it’s a badge of honor. Every so often, rather than get to bed early or meet up with the #squad, I’ll partake in one of my favorite events: tying one on at home by myself.
I can remember sitting there at 24 years old with the sweet bird of youth on my shoulder and thinking, “I’m drinking alone — what a loser.” Any inclination I had about diving head first into a bottle of Woodford was soon overtaken by the fear of doing something depressing. FOMO and alcohol is a dangerous combination, but once you learn to embrace it, you can go on to achieve great things.
Through trial and error, I’ve assembled a pragmatic guide for those who wish to partake in the timeless tradition of drinking alone on the weekend without feeling like a loser.
Man the grill…or the stove.
I’ve found that the key to having a spiritual awakening while going lone wolf is to start things off with a respectable man meal. Cooking a meal yourself is always a self-satisfying way to get the good vibes flowing, and taking a shot at a somewhat intricate home cooked meal will help balance out the sadness you’re feeling as you watch Periscopes of your friends tearing up the dance floor at a wedding you weren’t invited to.
For me, my go-to is steak, because that’s what a man does. A man eats steak. It’s a little tricky, as the city of Austin does not allow me to grill on my first floor apartment balcony. But it takes more than some un-American yet totally sensical laws to keep your boy from a ribeye. You can do wonders with a skillet, butter, salt and pepper, and medium heat. Don’t turn that dial beyond medium heat, or you’ll be the drunk butthead frantically opening all the doors and windows praying that the fire department doesn’t show up.
Go off the grid.
It’s important that you embrace the solitude. Decompress. Keep that iPhone 5 switched to silent, and only glance over at it during commercials. Unless you’re the ultimate wild child, you don’t have to go airplane mode. You never know when you’ll get a late night “what r u doing” text from that tall drink of water you used to see in college, or a “hey i’m about to go to jail” text from Todd. Just because you’re staying in doesn’t mean you’re not on call.
Spirits.
This piece of literary gold started out as “What Your Drink Of Choice When You’re Sitting At Home Drinking Alone Says About You,” but I like helping people, and this felt like a better way to give back to the community. With that being said, you need to choose your companion for the evening carefully.
If your poison of choice is beer, I highly recommend mixing it up and stepping outside of your comfort zone. At risk of being labeled a communist, I recommend trying some local craft beers, or something that may normally be out of your price range. The goal here is to create the illusion of a special occasion to balance out the fact that you’re probably just sitting there re-watching Walking Dead or something. But if cracking open a Keystone tallboy is what your heart desires, then do you.
Personally, I like to get creative. A few weeks back, I got a wild hair and ended up dropping thirty bucks on old fashioned ingredients. It was fantastic. I felt like I had really accomplished something. Did I end up just drinking Maker’s on ice after only 2 old fashioneds because I’m a lazy piece of trash? Sure. Did I buy an unnecessary amount of oranges that I had to throw away a week later? I did. Will I ever use the bottle of bitters I purchased? Doubtful. But for a while there, I was eating steak and drinking cocktails, and it was glorious.
Sports.
I bet you love #sports. I know I do. Yeah, big sports fan here. Right now, we are in prime stay home and watch a ballgame time. For me, it’s all about America’s pastime. That’s gonna knock out roughly 3 hours of your night, and if anyone questions you, they can’t rag on you for watching a ballgame. “Just stayed in and watched a ballgame.” There’s nothing sad about that. Sounds pretty awesome if you ask me.
Crank some tunes.
After the game’s over, you need to keep the party alive. Not like a Ray Velcoro after a long day party, but more like you pouring one more stout bourbon drink and firing up a playlist. Because you’re not looking to get #tooturnt, you should probably avoid anything that goes too hard. Save Drake for your headphones at the office, because this night will be all about the classics. Seger, Squier, Waylon, Haggard, etc. You’re probably going to dim the lights and start thinking about old flames, or your old dog, so expect to shed a few tears. There’s no shame in that. It’s healthy..
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Old Strait on the stereo, ballgame on the TV, meat marinating in the fridge, and a Mexican beer with lime in a salted pint glass… it’s 3:30pm on a Tuesday. Why wait until the weekend?
Nightcap with some ‘hub.
Typical Todd, going to jail
If you need bail money, I have a bank account your mother doesn’t know about.
A female version of this exists and it’s glorious. Treat yourself to a bottle of wine that costs more than $10. Make yourself a delicious and indulgent dinner that you wouldnt normally take the time to make (think pasta). Sing and dance alone in your kitchen while this happens, because you should have music playing and slight buzz from that first glass of wine. Take your food and booze to the couch and watch the trashy TV or tear jerker chick flick you can’t watch while your husband and/or bf is at home. Go back for seconds and polish off that bottle. You may or may not cry a little thanks to the show, movie or flash mob proposal you watch on YouTube and that’s okay.
Weird, that’s also the Will deFries version of it as well.
Throw in a little Ben & Jerry’s and an at-home mani and you’ve got yourself the perfect night.
That sounds pretty fantastic to me.
Interesting dilemma for the post grads living with their parents. Stay home on a Friday and do the above, look like a degenerate. Go out and come home drunk AF, look like a degenerate.
The typical Friday:
I come home from work exhausted, mainly because the Happy Hour the day prior really kicked me in the ass. The group text from the squad isn’t going anywhere, but there’s a discussion of a pregame before hitting the bars later. Realizing my exhaustion, I put on a pot a coffee while I head out to pick up some beer. I return with a six pack of a new microbrew that I know very little about, and to say the least, I’m intrigued. Before indulging, I put down 16oz. of crack cocaine commonly referred to as black coffee. After some internal debate, I decide to drink a beer or two while waiting for more information on the pregame. I figure it would be smart to eat you know for a base, so I order from my favorite Mexican place via seamless, and plop on the couch and turn on some Seinfeld. By the time the food arrives, I’m already feeling a buzz off my two beers, no big deal. The burrito with a side of extra guac ends up making me feel bloated, but this doesn’t faze me, and I continue drinking. Halfway through my next beer, I realize it’s almost 9pm and plans are still up in the air. Knowing full well that my friends still intend on pregaming and going out, I convince myself that it’s best to stay in because I’m even more tired than when I got home. I finish the 6 pack by 10pm, turn on an episode of Narcos and pass out.
Full disclosure, that was the plan all along, and brunch Saturday is glorious.
Happy hour Thursday, low key Friday, and day drunk Saturday is my transition into adulthood.
Glad this was written because some of these things need to be said. Some key points that I’ll point out that have worked out well for me as a recent post grad working in a city where I hardly know many people:
– Stay away from the social media. The only time people post on there anyways is whenever they’re doing something awesome or really fun. It’s not a direct reflection of the very real day-to-day life any normal person is living.
– Cooking is key. There’s hardly anything that’s more satisfying and enjoyable than preparing a delectable meal for yourself. As much as I love Chipotle, try and make your own bowl some time: grill the steak, use fresh veggies, prep your own rice and beans, and make some homemade guac. You won’t regret it.
– Take up a hobby that is both useful and something you enjoy. I’ve recently been getting into woodworking. I’m hoping that by the time I start a family and own a home, I’ll be able to furnish much of it with homemade pieces. When we have guests come over, I’ll be able to say, “That chair you’re sitting in? Yeah, I made that shit with my bare hands.” Plus, there’s something truly transcendent about spending a Saturday in the garage with a cooler full of CB, some Avett Bros or Strait on the speakers, and the fresh smell of cut wood.
Chicks dig dudes who can do more than hit up the bars and get shitfaced every Friday & Saturday night. You’ll feel better about yourself, become a better man for it, and increase your stock price by taking a break from the bar scene every once in awhile.
All of the Ray Velcoro jokes on PGP really make my day
Hard to beat a nice, rare porterhouse, baseball, and a decent red wine