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Everyone and their mother has a hangover cure that “works every time.” Some confide in a greasy order of hashbrowns and a strong coffee. Others prefer basking in a sauna and sweating the sin away. Lots of people have a hard-on for Kombucha right now, but I can’t speak on that remedy. In my experience, nothing will actually take your hangover away. Certain routines and cuisines may expedite the process, sure, but you’re still going to feel awful until at least 3:00 p.m.
Nursing a hangover can be a trying time for the body and the mind. Just like any trying time, a good playlist can bring you closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s get through this together.
You’re up. It’s roughly 8:30-9:00 ish in the morning. The room is spinning and your tongue feels like the back of a yellow spotted lizard. You slept with your contacts in so your eyes are redder than the Devil. The whole nine. This is the portion of the day where you will be the absolute most dramatic.
My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion
Close your eyes and you can almost feel young Leo and Kate holding you. Do not move from your bed until you’ve listened to this all the way through.
The Climb – Miley Cyrus
Young The Climb by Miley Cyrus https://t.co/6Pn9ynIBRs
— Scotty (@scotty_ski) August 10, 2017
Teenage Fever – Drake
Sad Drake is the best Drake. 4422 can also be subbed in here.
Terrible Things – Mayday Parade
The anthem for when Suzy turned down your elaborate homecoming dance proposal circa 2011. Still bangs.
Okay, it’s time to move. A liquid is about to surface, whether it’s coming from the front or the back. You also need water and a shower as ASAP as possible. These two tracks ought to get you going.
Spirit in the Sky – Norman Greenbaum
Picture “Remember the Titans” but supplant the racial tension with crippling regret and you’ll have your own montage.
Dreams – Van Halen
If this doesn’t motivate your sorry self to kick this hangover in the ass, it’s a lost cause.
This is the most important part. Some people prefer to sulk in the shower, but we’ve already done that. Set the tone for the rest of your day right here.
Hands to Myself – Selena Gomez
Upbeat enough to get your hips moving but not overbearing. I mean, I could’ve picked something else. But why would I want to?
Close to You (feat. Jasmine Sokko) – Lucian
Biggest sleeper on this list.
I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) – Whitney Houston
Unwritten – Natasha Bedingfield
I don’t know how this song hasn’t cured every major disease and ended social injustice yet. Release your inhibitions in that shower. Feel the rain on your skin. Body roll until you puke again, it’ll be worth it.
You’re clean (kind of). The thought of a moving vehicle is agonizing but you need something with substance in your stomach to soak up the tequila and whatever else still brewing in there from the night before.
Feathered Indians – Tyler Childers
ONLY if it is warm outside. This song needs to be enjoyed with the windows down.
Divinity (feat. Amy Millan) – Porter Robinson
Another sleeper here. Sub this in if the weather doesn’t permit windows down cruising.
All bets are off when it comes to nursing yourself back to health. A solid 70 percent of these tracks did not have “23-year-old heavy-set male with a full beard” listed as their intended audience, but dammit they’ve all gotten me through the worst hangovers of my life..